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In 1 hour our DC's will visit our home for the first time.....panicking!!

(49 Posts)
Ladyofthehouse Mon 15-Oct-12 08:57:45

Met our DC's last Wednesday and it has all been going so, so well! Took them out on our own on Saturday to soft play and it was great fun - did nappy changes out and gave them their tea. We've done naptimes, bathtimes, tantrums, food and it is going much better than we had ever hoped.

Yesterday was our rest day and I was so tearful and missing them!

So today is the first visit here (and will also meet our dog!) with their foster carer and social worker - and I'm panicking more than when we met them last week!

The relationship with the FC is really hard and the time in her house has been a real struggle for a number of reasons which isn't helping.

Been up since 5 and can't eat - is this normal??

hifi Mon 15-Oct-12 09:09:41

sounds exciting and scary! hang on in there with the FC,you wont have to deal with her soon. its such a great feeling when they are finally at yours. good luck!

Tryingtothinkofnewsnazzyname Mon 15-Oct-12 09:19:29

How lovely! Not surprising you would be nervous. Are your DC boys, girls or both? Good luck with it all.

WendyGx Mon 15-Oct-12 09:23:37

What an amazing, wonderful, scary, exciting, emotional time this is! I think that has to be normal. I really wish you a wonderful day together

BeaLola Mon 15-Oct-12 09:32:43

Yes its normal - its an amazing, scary & exciting time - sounds like it is going really well - hang on in there with FC - not much longer to do this & soon they will be coming home forever & You will be a family.

HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY ((((((( ))))))))))0

Lilka Mon 15-Oct-12 09:36:55

Don't worry, it's normal! Completely normal, such an emotional, exciting time

Glad it's going really well so far. Have a fantastic day with your lovely LO's smile

MaryZed Mon 15-Oct-12 10:28:11

Oh, coming to this a bit late, I guess they are there already [exciting]

I hope it is going well. And yes, it will be stressful, and their foster care will be feeling a bit strange about it all but remember - it is her job to look after the children and to make their transition to you as easy as possible.

Lovely as most fc's are, these children will be your children and you will be their parents, so just mark time. And be understanding, but also keep an emotional distance.

Let us know how it all goes smile.

CheshireDing Mon 15-Oct-12 12:16:12

Good luck, I hope all is going well smile

Ladyofthehouse Mon 15-Oct-12 14:23:24

Thankyou all so much for your kind words! Every now and then I don't think I'm strong enough for all the comings and goings but you just do it for them don't you?

Our two little girls have been and gone and it was amazing!! As the eldest (2.5) got out the car she opened her arms and ran to give me a hug!!!

Saw their rooms and played with everything they possibly could (we asked the FC to bring some of their toys so it wasn't all new).

The youngest (1.5) had no fear with our dog but the eldest wasn't too sure yet!

They had lunch and nappies changed and were so good!

I'm beaming and love everybody at the moment!!

We're now going back to the FC's tonight to try and do bedtime on our own - I'm prepared for tears!

Another hurdle ticked off - hopefully just another couple of days to go.

Frontpaw Mon 15-Oct-12 14:26:11

That is so lovely! I know the process can be long and worrysome- and it sounds like you are already 'mummy'. When do you see them next? How long before you will be a family?

TwelveLeggedWalk Mon 15-Oct-12 14:33:21

Aw, such a lovely thread, am having a little sob over my lunch here. Hope the last stages of the process go well for you.

MaryZed Mon 15-Oct-12 14:41:14

At this stage it's sort of "the quicker the better" isn't it? Once you have done everything, it would be great to be able just to get on with it, and cope with whatever happens.

Because no matter how much you prepare you are going to have periods of panic, nights when you can't get them to sleep, baffling afternoons when nothing you do keeps them happy.

It's very like "normal" parenting actually grin.

Baaartimaeus Mon 15-Oct-12 14:42:31

This is such a lovely thread. You sound like you have so much love for these little girls. You're all so lucky to have each other.

Hope the bedtime goes well, I'll be thinking of you as I'm singing lullabies to my 12-month old for 30 minutes solid tonight to try and get him to sleep angry grin

funnychic Mon 15-Oct-12 17:22:04

So pleased for you, seems you are doing really really well. No point asking me about panic! lol. I'm quite sure your feelings are completely normal. Not long now and your a full time mummy.
Best wishes xxx
P.S keep us posted I love hearing about intro's

InkleWinkle Mon 15-Oct-12 17:41:33

So pleased it went well for you, keep us posted!

Lovesoftplay Mon 15-Oct-12 18:55:22

This sounds lovely smile I am a bit jealous of your excitement!!

We had problems in the FC house too, I just felt so intrusive. The 2nd week was so much easier because the boys were in our house. I felt much more like 'mummy' as well which was nice.

Good luck for the rest of your introductions x x

Italiangreyhound Mon 15-Oct-12 19:49:49

Ladyofthehouse that is so lovely, congratulations, how wonderful.

Tryingtothinkofnewsnazzyname Mon 15-Oct-12 20:30:11

Wonderful. Soon your DDs will be home with you and will have you as their parents always smile

Moomoomie Mon 15-Oct-12 21:30:13

So glad the intros are going well.
I too had a very difficult relationship with FC of our first two girls, I must admit it made the intros a lot more difficult than it should have been.
Remember, the children are YOURS and before long will be with you forever and ever.
Enjoy the next few days and the rest of your lives together.
Panic is normal. grin

Devora Mon 15-Oct-12 23:00:17

What a lovely post smile

I had a difficult time with the FC as well - the whole introductions week seemed consumed with her dramas, tears, anger, everyone running round trying to keep her onside - it was infuriating and exhausting but we tried to stay focused on our new dd. It will pass soon enough!

Can't wait to hear the next update.

Happyasapiginshite Mon 15-Oct-12 23:24:03

Congratulations, Ladyofthehouse, it sounds like it's all going swimmingly. I can feel the excitement from your words. How long before they're yours all yours?

WendyGx Tue 16-Oct-12 09:46:36

Ladyofthehouse, this thread is so wonderfully heartwarming. Whilst you have some challenges, its so great to hear its going well with your girls. I'm sure you are busy, but let us know how its going.

scarlet5tyger Tue 16-Oct-12 16:06:12

As a foster carer about to begin introductions (not for the first time) I'd really appreciate adoptive parents telling me what was/wasnt good about their experiences.

I usually hand my whole house over to the new parents and make myself as scarce as possible, obviously not on the first day! I try and encourage the parents to do as much of the routine stuff as possible, even down to cooking tea. If I'm lucky they make mine too! On the last day I tend to push them out of the door which I know might seem rude, but is just so the little one doesn't see me in tears.

Do you think this is too much? Obviously intros are just as traumatic for foster carers as they are for the new parents (not too mention the children) and there's no guide book or training for it, I just play it by ear. I'd really appreciate hearing from "the other side" on what an adoptive parent would like to happen.

ladyofthehouse you sound like you're coping really well, with such a small age gap between your children things must be busy!!

WendyGx Tue 16-Oct-12 16:22:45

scarlet5tyger, as a recently approved adopter, I'm really surprised to hear that you have received 'no training' on introductions. It was drummed into us how important this period / process is and clearly you appreciate that too. It never struck me that FC had not received support for this - duh! I am praying for the day we have a match and I would I hope I have a FC like you who wants to do the right thing for everyone - not least the child. So whilst I have not been matched yet, my immediate wish list would include;
- positively preparing the child for the transition, with open discussion
- giving the child reassurances that its okay and right for them to be with their new parents - give them permission if you like
- making us feel welcome in tyour home
- giving all those wonderful memories to the parents, to share later with the child/ren
- giving us all that special, insider knowledge; the real story, not a sugar coated one - honesty please!
- not being afraid to show you're upset when they leave - as it shows how much you cared, and if you've discussed

These are from the top of my head and hope it helps!

FamiliesShareGerms Tue 16-Oct-12 16:35:39

OP, lovely thread, and looking forward to an update (though you might be a bit too busy for Mumsnet for a while...!)

Scarlet, Wendy's list covers most of my wants too. DD's FC made clear from the outset that we should do things like feed, change nappies etc. They say it's the main way little ones understand the transfer of care, and it can confuse if there's too much overlap, which makes sense to me. It was incredibly helpful for them to say this upfront at the very start of intros, as was them effectively handing over their house to us for the week.

I guess it will always be an emotional time for FC (as well as everyone else), and some people show that in an unhelpful way.

Bit shocked that there's training on handling introductions, though!

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