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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

So, where are you at?

(132 Posts)
MyDogEatsPoop Fri 05-Oct-12 12:28:22

A 'getting to know you' thread, as I'd like to update my spreadsheet wink

I'll kick off shall I?

Started the process with the first (nervewracking) phonecall in June of 2010, Workshop not until July 2011(!), followed by Homestudy a couple of months later.
Finally approved in June 2012 smile
Turned down one link as not suitable, and have a meeting coming up soon to discuss a little girl!

Italiangreyhound Thu 25-Oct-12 22:15:00

How you doing fishwife? Hope you are feeling more positive.

Maiyakat Fri 26-Oct-12 18:16:19

Sadie - really hope having the space this week has helped to make things clearer for you
Fishwife - did you hear from the team yesterday? The SW who did my homestudy wasn't the one who did the initial visit, so hopefully yours wont be either!

I've had an interesting week - had to step out of the match with the 2 girls as after getting more info I really wasn't sure I could meet both their needs as a singlie as their needs were so different. So many emotions in such a short space of time!

HappySunflower Fri 26-Oct-12 23:53:54

I'm having a bit of a tough time of things.
I thought about starting a new thread, but am really worried about being identifiable as know a lot of Mumsnetters in rl through work.

Despite my return to work arrangements all being agreed months ago, my formal flexible working request has been refused.
They are insisting that I return closer to full time than has been deemed to be in my child's best interests.
I've had a meeting at work that was very difficult and I am now playing a waiting game to see if they change their minds or not.

If they don't, then I have the option to appeal or take out a grievance, or try to reach a compromise agreement and leave.

I've had legal advice, union representation, and brilliant support from my sw, so kind of have things covered from those pov, but would appreciate hearing from anyone else who has had experience of this kind of thing.

Italiangreyhound Sat 27-Oct-12 00:29:46

Hi HappySunflower I'm afraid I can't advise really as have not been in your position. I am also not sure of your situation, are you a single parent or the only salary coming into your home? I guess these factors will influence how you feel. When you say "Despite my return to work arrangements all being agreed months ago, my formal flexible working request has been refused." Do you mean they agreed to what you would be doing (either in writing or verbally) and have now changed their mind, or something else.

Whatever you do decide to do I wish you all the best.

I hope you will find something that works for you.

I have been very lucky that my boss has given me remote access at home and I do a percentage of my work at home at any time of day or night, so it does not affect child care with my school-aged DD. We have not yet adopted but hope to, if we do I would like to go back to work - but ideally with fewer hours and maybe in a different role. So I might end up with a battle on my hands in years to come.

Anyway, all the best and if you can get all the help you need because it does sound very unfair of your work to agree to something then change, if that is what they did.

WendyGx Sat 27-Oct-12 10:33:42

Hi HappySunflower

I'm sorry you're having a tough time and the last thing you need is an unsupportive employer.

I suspect you have been given the following advice already, but in my experience of flexible working requests the following may be of use.
If you are declined and chose to appeal, please do so with some basis other than you are not satisfied. I hope this doesn't sound rude or patronising! Employees can appeal against the decision because: the employer didn’t know something important related to the application when they made their decision and/or the employee wants to challenge information used by the employer. So think about things like...
- precedents - does anyone else in the organisation have this work pattern?
- solutions - i.e. can you offer alternatives e.g. job share which has not been considered
- trial period - offer to work this way for 3 months with a review to 'test' any concerns they may have
- temporary / fixed term solution - perhaps ask them to agree to a fixed term solution which will resort in agreed time frame.
- annualised hours - essentially decreased hours year one and increased year two - or whatever period
- suppport information - have you submitted any 'professional' guidance in a formal way e.g. letter from child's gp/sw supporting the need
- flexibility - maybe a tweak on your original request to show you are willing to compromise. have you considered working from home, compressed hours, flexi-time with core hours

Another thing to remember, if they say 'no', they must have business reasons for rejecting it; e.g. cost, unable to absorb by other employees. If ots not clear, ask.

I wish you all the best and lets us know how you get on.

HappySunflower Sat 27-Oct-12 11:36:08

Thank you both for your responses.

I have suggested a compromise which would make things tricky financially but I could possibly find a way to make it work.
My SW and Union rep have both submitted letters of support
I have said that I would be happy to work some of my hours from home, and will offer the organisation as much flexibility as I can. I have also suggested compressed hours.
I have also stressed that I have already been employed by them for many years, with a good track record. I am known for my commitment and flexibility and have really gone the extra mile for them over the years. I would potentially work for them for many more years, so am really asking for flexibility for a short period of time in the context of my long term employment with them.

This has caused me so much stress this week and I am having trouble sleeping so really hope we can reach an agreement soon.

WendyGx Sun 04-Nov-12 18:02:12

Hi HappySunflower, just wondering how you are and if you've managed to agree arrangements at work. Hope so.

Italiangreyhound Sun 04-Nov-12 23:44:04

Happysunflower any news? Thinking of you and hoping things will develop in a good way. I feel your employer seems to be acting badly!

Wendy made a lot of helpful comments and suggestions, I will take note of them in case I find myself in a similar boat!

Happy I do hope it will work out, if they do squeese you out in any way I hope you will take whatever action is appropriate (I mean legal) because it sounds rather anti-family policy at the very least. ESPECIALLY as you have said about home working, which is what many employers seem to actually want! Home working can result in fewer work-related train/car journeys, people clogging up roads etc - working from home is rather the future/modern/environmentally-friendly, so for them not to allow it or to restrict it a lot seems not at all sensible!

Anyway, thinking of you.

HappySunflower Tue 06-Nov-12 11:41:34

Thanks everyone- we've finally reached an agreement.
It was not what I had asked for but will do for now- at least until I work my 12 weeks by which I hope to have found another job.

It has been a very stressful few weeks!

KristinaM Tue 06-Nov-12 13:04:22

I'm sorry to hear all this, it DOES sound very stressful indeed. And so short sighted of your employer, who undoubtedly will lose a good emplyee. I hope you can put up with the situation and find something more suitable soon

WendyGx Tue 06-Nov-12 15:05:02

Hi Happy, I'm pleased its at least something you can manage for 12 weeks. It annoys me that some employers are so shortsighted. You'll be having a busy 3 months, best of luck with the job hunt.
Italian, hope you don't ever need the advice! Thanks for kind words.

Italiangreyhound Tue 06-Nov-12 23:19:47

Happy I hope it will all be OK in your job situation. I feel very cross for you that they have not helped you.

All the best and stay in touch... please...(just nice to hear new people's new experiences).

Karbea Mon 19-Nov-12 17:00:17


I've not posted on here for a bit, but thought i'd pop by to say it's finally the open morning at the LA tomorrow for us. I think it'll be really interesting and DH and I will have a lot of talking to do afterwards... I've told him to expect horror stories, but what else should we expect to hear?

HappySunflower Mon 19-Nov-12 17:55:46

You will probably be offered the opportunity to talk to some adopters, and during the presentationy bit they often reel off some stats for you- number of children adopted last year, and their ages, etc.

I don't remember a lot else!

Cheltenhamgirl Sat 29-Dec-12 23:24:13

Hi we are at the start of a long road. We enquirer in July this year through Barnados and started the assessment process in September, have had numerous visits already by SW, both together and on our own. Have had medicals, crb checks, references completed, family trees drawn up and are still going through the assesment process. Our training is next month and I am looking forward to meeting other prospective adopters. Does anyone know how far we have to go before we get to the panel? I will ask our SW next time we see her, just thought I'd get opinions.

Italiangreyhound Sun 13-Jan-13 03:24:57

Hey guys, any news for anyone - MyDogEatsPoop, Fishwife1949, Tigglette, Juno, Happiestinwellybobs, Maiyakat and anyone else???

Italiangreyhound Sun 13-Jan-13 03:29:11

Loco, Wendy, Sadie, and Cheltenhamgirl - sorry if I missed anyone off. How are you all. I can't sleep! Am in middle of prep group. Not literally this minute of course!

Best wishes to you all. On the fertility threads we were always hugging each other, doesn't seem to be quite the thing to do here! so firm handshakes all round! Off to be bed now but would love to hear how you all are.

VerityPushpram Sun 13-Jan-13 10:50:35

I've missed this thread, so I'll add myself to it. We had our prep group November/december, started home visits last week, just had our medicals, and CRB checks will be on wednesday this week. We've also got a load of homework! Done about half of it, want to get the rest done today (financial statement, just finishing off the family tree).

So, a firm handshake from me and maybe an airkiss or two. Hope everyone is progressing well, see you around.

Happiestinwellybobs Sun 13-Jan-13 11:17:02

We finally got our court date and had our celebration in December - a relief that it was all finally official smile. I am back at work tomorrow, so we have been doing a phased induction into nursery. She is loving it, which I thought would be the case as she is such a confident little girl, but you still worry about these things. Luckily I am able to return part time so can still spend a couple of days having fun with her.

She has settled in at home brilliantly - the past 9 months have flown - made lots of little friends (the babas, even though they are all only a couple of months younger than her!). I still have to pinch myself sometimes - 12 months ago we didn't even know anything about her !!

MyDogEatsPoop Sun 13-Jan-13 12:47:43

Sorry - I started the thread, and haven't updated myself.

Well, the match to the little girl went ahead, and we're off to matching panel in a couple of weeks. It's not been easy - she's quite the character, by all accounts, and we're definitely going to have our work cut out, but we're pretty sure it's going to be fun as well!

We've been wallpapering her room, installing blackout blinds and painting furniture this weekend. I'm quite jealous of her girly bedroom.

Maiyakat Sun 27-Jan-13 11:23:28

Glad to hear of all the positive progress! MyDogEatsPoop, have you been to matching panel yet? So exciting!

I have a possible link, not telling people in RL yet... Trying so hard not to get carried away and failing, as there are so many hurdles to go yet

VerityPushpram Sun 27-Jan-13 13:41:11

Hey, good luck with that!

Lilka Sun 27-Jan-13 14:25:03

That's fantastic MyDog smile Good luck for Panel!

Can I ask how old she is?

MyDogEatsPoop Sun 27-Jan-13 15:41:45

Hello! We went to Matching Panel on Wednesday, and were unanimously approved! Now though, we've got a bit of a wait again AGAIN until intros, as they have to sort out the intro-planning meeting (I forget the proper name of that!), and do some work with small child before intros can start.

She is nearly five!

MyDogEatsPoop Sun 27-Jan-13 15:43:47

Oh, just read back properly - good luck Maiyacat!

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