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Should dh mention info on a reference for prospective adopter?

(10 Posts)
hifi Thu 27-Sep-12 18:25:06

Dh has an employee who is going to panel soon.employee and adoption agency have asked dh for an employment reference. Dh knows employee has changed their name once. In a meeting today dh found out employee has changed their name twice in total.
Is this worth mentioning or not? Would agency have already found this out? Or isn't it a concern?

Lovesoftplay Thu 27-Sep-12 18:30:25

My LA sent a kind of questionnaire which my employer filled in. It wasn't an open ended reference as such.

What does the letter actually ask for? Is it specific points to cover or just a general request for a reference?

x x

hifi Thu 27-Sep-12 18:39:11

It's just a ,do they work for you,how long etc.

LocoParentis Thu 27-Sep-12 18:50:28

I think perhaps mention it. the chances are they already know but if they don't it's perhaps a bit concerning that a) they have lied/withheld information and b) WHY are they lying/withholding information.

at the end of the day it's all about keeping children away from potential harm. And your DH must think the name changes are odd i.e. not i've been divorced twice, or i changed my name due to estrangement from father and didn't want his name etc etc. If DH wasn't concerned he wouldn't have even thought about it, or told you iyswim

Lovesoftplay Thu 27-Sep-12 19:00:15

I am torn on this one, but am tending to agree with locoparentis. As long as all the specific questions are properly answered, your DH could always tag a note on the end.

Or is there a contact number for the SW who asked for the reference? He could casually ring her and say "just wondering where in the reference am I meant to write about his name changes, don't want to put them in the wrong place (nervous laugh)" and see what she says?

FamiliesShareGerms Thu 27-Sep-12 19:20:11

Yes, what Lovesoftplay said. Either he says something and it’s nothing, in which case no harm done. Or he says something and it reveals something of concern, in which case that needs to be explored. Or he says nothing, but possibly withholds something which needed to be explored and leads to an inappropriate decision being made. I know which one I consider the least worst outcome on my conscience...

Italiangreyhound Fri 28-Sep-12 00:53:38

Definitely think he should mention it, either to social worker or on form. Think what lovessoftplay was really good.

If it is not important or an issue then revealing it will not do any harm and if there were any problems connected to it then I am sure we would all want kids to be kept safe.

snail1973 Fri 28-Sep-12 13:46:26

You say should DH mention this, or is it not a concern. I think that your DH should absolutely mention this if he has any concerns at all about what their reasons for changing their name might be. If he thinks they have been dishonest at work about this, or that they may have been trying to conceal something then he has a duty to mention it.

I do not think adopters should be made to jump through unnecessary hoops (god knows we jumped through enough of them ourselves when we did our home study the first time). But the point of references like this is to see if anyone who knows this person has any concerns at all about them or their past. It is not just a paper exercise.

As long as he sticks to the facts and is not making any personal judgements about the person then he is just stating the truth.


titchy Fri 28-Sep-12 13:50:32

I'd saymentioned it, unless of course the employee is female and has changed their name due to marriage....

hifi Fri 28-Sep-12 20:32:32

Dh called our social worker and told her.she passed it on,they do know about the name changes and thanked him for telling them.thanks for the advice.

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