Advanced search

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Spoke to my birth mother after 42 years..

(76 Posts)
squeakytoy Tue 25-Sep-12 21:47:52

As the title says really. I just need to post this somewhere and this seemed the right place.

I always knew I was adopted, it was never a secret or really something that bothered me.

But natural curiosity always made me wonder about my biological mother. My mum (adopted one but she will always be mum to me) died 4 years ago, my dad died 19 years ago, and as I had no siblings, I felt rather lost in the world, so my curiosity stepped up a level and I thought I would try and find the woman who had given birth to me. It was luckily quite easy thanks to the power of the internet.

I had also been looking in the wrong country for the last decade when I made my half hearted searches, so no wonder I hit a dead end.

Anyway, I found her, right name, right age, living in the USA. And after a few glasses of wine last week, I just rang the number.

She answered.

Probably the most awkward stumbling introduction of my life, and I feel a bit bad for just springing the call on her, but hey, I figured she has had 42 years to wonder if one day I might just find her.

Well, we spoke for an hour, and I now dont feel like I have a missing piece of my personal jigsaw. She is going to write to me and send me photos.

The next night I also had a phone call from her neice, who is older than me by a few years and had always known of my existence. She said my BM was so utterly thrilled to have heard from me. She has spent the last year battling cancer and just been given the all clear, and hearing from me was her dream come true (thankfully!!).

That was last Thursday, and I have felt so wierd since then. In a good way. I always said while my parents were alive, I had no need to even find my birth mother, but after my mums death, I felt the need to find out more strongly than ever. I knew my BM would also be getting older (she is 68 now) and realised that if I kept hesitating, one day it would be too late. I am so glad that I have done it and it is so far going ok on both sides.

Thanks for reading my waffle. And if there is a better place I could have posted this, please advise me and I will ask for it to be moved.

whethergirl Tue 25-Sep-12 23:24:47

Wow, I don't think I'd know where to start - if I was either of you!

So happy for you squeaky!

squeakytoy Tue 25-Sep-12 23:32:11

We talked about her meeting my parents, she asked how they were, I told her they had died, we talked about my job, her job, my husband, her health, how tall we were.. just bits and bobs really, and she wanted my address, which I gave her, so that she could send me a letter and photos. I left it that I would wait for her letter then ring her again and send her some photos.

Then the next night I had a phone call from my cousin. She had rung her immediately after we spoke to tell her the news, and my cousin wanted to speak to me to let me know that I have always been known about, and they were so pleased to have me in the family and couldnt wait to get to know me, which I thought was so welcoming and sweet.

I want to know more about my birth father too, and I am sure she will tell me, but I didnt want to bombard her with too many questions on the first phone call either.

kissyfur Tue 25-Sep-12 23:39:44

That's lovely squeaky smile

whethergirl Tue 25-Sep-12 23:44:55

Fascinating! I bet you can't wait to see a photo of her.

And what a lovely thing for your cousin to do.
It must be nice to know you weren't kept a secret. Sounds like they are very eager to have you as part of the family squeaky.

Italiangreyhound Tue 25-Sep-12 23:49:34

squeakytoy wow, that is an amazing story. I really hope the trip will go well and wish you all the very best.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Wed 26-Sep-12 00:01:54

Wow! What a lovely story, thank you for telling us squeaky. And that was very brave, wine or not, there were lots of possible, less happy outcomes.
Congratulations and well done thanks.

squeakytoy Wed 26-Sep-12 00:03:52

I think I had steeled myself for dealing with worse outcomes. Logically, if they didnt want to know me, then fair enough, I wouldnt be losing someone I already had in my life and at least I wouldnt spend the rest of my life wondering "what if"...

I do feel incredibly fortunate that it has gone well so far.

Happyasapiginshite Wed 26-Sep-12 23:16:45

I'm so glad for you, squeakytoy, and hope it continues to go well with your new family.

Noqontrol Wed 26-Sep-12 23:22:52

Wow, thats fantastic. Very exciting. I'm sure your adoptive (real) parents would be pleased for you too. I hope it all works out good for you.

queenofthepirates Wed 26-Sep-12 23:35:52

How wonderfully exciting! I do hope it goes well and give us an update when you get photos. What a fantastic new chapter to add into your life.

I wish you much, much happiness.

FizzyLaces Wed 26-Sep-12 23:45:52

Just to echo queenofthepirates, I wish you lots of happiness. And admire you for your bravery too. At a time when you were feeling rootless, you have been given roots. I expect it will not always be easy, but the best things in life aren't easy, are they? Good luck to you and your new family.

Just wow, you are amazing smile x

squeakytoy Thu 04-Oct-12 22:06:37

A quick update. The photos arrived today.. and I am the double of her. Its so weird, but in a nice way.

ThatVikRinA22 Thu 04-Oct-12 22:13:17

how lovely.
i wish you well, i wish i could do this but i cant, i have never known my father.
i never will. i wish often i could find out about him, maybe even talk to him.
im really pleased for you squeaky. what a lovely story.


whethergirl Fri 05-Oct-12 00:14:32

Wow, that must feel amazing. Are you going to send her some photos of you?

Happyasapiginshite Fri 05-Oct-12 09:10:43

That's amazing, squeaky. I can't imagine how weird it must feel. Good luck with it all, I hope it continues to go well for you.

morethanpotatoprints Sat 06-Oct-12 23:38:47


How wonderful for you. I know its early days but do you feel all gushy and like you want to rush to meet her.
I speak from experience and know what those photos mean to you. I never got to meet mine as she died very young, but met several aunties, uncles and cousins.
You know who you are now, I'm so so happy for you. wine

squeakytoy Wed 12-Dec-12 21:03:32

A quick update again.

Got a christmas card off my mother today. smile

I have put a couple of photos on my profile, you can see if we look alike!

My cousins daughter (so my second cousin) emailed me a month ago to say hi, and we have become FB friends, and have chatted every few days for ages, so I have found out loads more now about my family history, which has been fascinating.

She has also emailed me a load more photos too, and she took the photos that I had emailed to her mum round to my mothers (they live close by each other). My mother apparently burst into happy tears saying "oh my baby girl at last"...

I am the talk of the family (again and for a good way this time I imagine as opposed to 42 years ago!), and my mother and her sister are busy planning where they want to take me and what they want to do when I get over there in the spring.

I also rang my (adopted) mums best friend today who knew my mum for over 40 years and is like an aunt to me and told her that I had contact my mother. I was a bit apprehensive of how she might take it but I neednt have worried, she was absolutely thrilled for me and burst into tears too.. (I seem to have the knack of making people cry happy tears lately quite a lot). She said that she was sure my mum would not have been upset if I had talked before she died about wanting to find my birth mother, and that they had often discussed it, and my mum had always thought I would want to find out more one day. Part of me wishes I had done it a bit earlier now, but then again I know I wouldnt have been able to show how excited I am without worrying that I was hurting my mum. If that makes sense. I think the timing was right for me.

Lilka Wed 12-Dec-12 21:19:24

What a lovely update smile So gald it's all going really well

In the top photos, you are amazingly alike! I could easily have mistaken you both for the same person if I had just seen the two photos with no caption

Dollydowser Wed 12-Dec-12 21:20:02

I've peaked at your photos, my god you are so alike! Your story has made me smile, I hope your trip next year goes well, please keep us updated smile

squeakytoy Tue 15-Jan-13 21:25:18

quick update..

I am flying out to Denver on 28 Jan to meet her.. and all my cousins and aunts!!!


edam Tue 15-Jan-13 21:36:39

Wow! I hope you have a fantastic time. The resemblance is stunning!

My sister's best friend found her Dad via Facebook, and flew out to America to meet him and the whole family. It went really, really well. I hope your reunion is just as joyful. smile

Wish we could find my Mother's birth mother but sadly hit a dead end despite using an adoption detective. But it's always great to hear of a happy story where someone has got a resolution.

squeakytoy Tue 15-Jan-13 21:56:18

I am really excited, and quite terrified in equal measures I think. But I am sure it will go ok. We speak on the phone once a week now, and get on so well.

Smudging Tue 15-Jan-13 22:05:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoodlesNoodles Tue 15-Jan-13 22:13:26

I love stories like this. smile. I peaked at the photos and it is amazing how similar you look. I know that is not the surprise of the century but it is still lovely. Are your voices similar too?

I hope your trip goes well. thanks

squeakytoy Tue 15-Jan-13 23:25:04

voices are not really similar as she has an american accent.. but apparently we have very similar tastes, likes and dislikes.. which is quite spooky..

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now