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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.


(1000 Posts)
Italiangreyhound Wed 12-Sep-12 01:36:19

Hi I am a newbie and only just started this journey, officially made the call last week.

Just interested how may other newbies are out there who are still in the early stages. I keep coming across people and recognising names. Anyone want to let on what stage they are at?

Italiangreyhound Thu 29-May-14 00:55:59

Mersea a new one does not just get started, someone has to start it! I hope there will be a new newbie thread.

All the best newbies. grin

Mersea Wed 28-May-14 23:55:29

Hi resipsa yes I remember you from before. How are you? good to hear from you again. I am okay been through some ups and downs though. I had a second mc last summer and we investigated IVF but decided not to try. My chances of success were so low and it would have cost so much money due to the amount of drugs I would need to take. Plus we found out my partner has an inherited gene, so all in all the odds were not in favour of IVF. So we find ourselves here, how did you come to your decision and how far into the process are you. We are only just starting out and getting my head around it all.
Realise near the end of thread. Does a new one just get started with a different name?

Italiangreyhound Wed 28-May-14 22:54:42

RaspberrySnowCone You cannot sign up with more than one but you can talk to several before making your decision. As far as I am aware once you are assessed it will only be with one agency or local authority. Then once you are approved they will start to try and match you. If they are not successful within three months you can go on the national register (for England and Wales). Once on the national register you could be matched to children from anywhere in England and Wales who meets your criteria and, most importantly, who you would be a good match for. That is my understanding.

Good luck.

RaspberrySnowCone Wed 28-May-14 22:50:13

Ps Italian nope I'm not American. I think my name was a change from my original following a discussion on a conception thread many moons ago!

RaspberrySnowCone Wed 28-May-14 22:49:16

Thank you for the replies, very helpful. Guess I best bite the bullet and give them a call. I'm hoping they have an information evening, that would be ideal as it's nicer to speak to someone face to face rather than over the phone.

As for us, we are coming to adoption after infertility. We've grieved, I've had counselling and it was really that which made me decide that adoption was right. My husband was more inclined towards adoption than all the treatments we under went in the first place.

We both have good jobs, a family home, I can take at least a year out. Open in terms of ages/sibling group or single really. We would just like to be parents, I feel like we have a lot to give.

I'm guessing from the 'shopping around' comments I've seen that I could register with more than 1 agency? Does that mean you have a social worker for each or do they pass details on. It's this bit I'm struggling to get my head around.

64x32x24 Wed 28-May-14 22:13:48

<waves> to all newbies!

We had a number of first phone calls (various LAs/VAs) and they all were very different! Some entailed in-depth discussion of concurrent planning (as that was something we indicated interest in from the start) but not much else. At least one entailed basically filling in the 'interest' form through the phone, so I was quizzed on birth dates, phone numbers, passport numbers (WTF), and everything you could think of! Others again involved listening to lengthy (and somewhat patronising) explanations as to why we couldn't possibly adopt (yet); without being able to get a word in edgewise myself.
One call resulted in an invitation to an information evening less than 48 hours later.

Goes to show that at times it is worth 'shopping around'...

Italiangreyhound Wed 28-May-14 22:07:02

Dear all

Unless someone pips me to the post this will be the 994th message and as we all know these threads are a maximum of 1000. So the end of nigh!

I started this thread as newbie in September 2012 and our little boy is asleep upstairs having come home this month (thanks MrsBW for reminding me to post that!).

So please dear newbies, when we reach 1000 would someone else start one, if they wish to, I think it has been useful to some, I do hope so.

God bless you all, Italian.

Italiangreyhound Wed 28-May-14 22:04:28

Karbea - good luck.

MrsBS such brilliant news.

Italiangreyhound Wed 28-May-14 22:01:16

Sorry should read...

Up to you but easer if you call as unless your other half is easily accessible during the daytime you will find it harder to find a time to do it.

resipsa Wed 28-May-14 21:59:07

Mersea - I think we've met (I asked you if you loved France and if your name was a play on words, remember - on a different thread/board.

So, here we are. How're you doing?

Italiangreyhound Wed 28-May-14 21:59:06

RaspberrySnowCone welcome.

Social workers are not really scary people, IMHO, they are dedicated, hard working, sometimes late, often non-tea drinkers with amazing bladder control but not scary!

Re Can anyone shed any light on what is likely to be asked at that first phone call?

Probably why you want to adopt, whether you have any kids, if not the may ask if you have had fertility treatment and how long ago it ended. They may ask the type of accommodation you have, whether you have one or two spare rooms and whether you are interested in single child or sibling group, baby or older child or just open. If they only have older or younger or sibling groups they may want to make sure that they can actually take you on. If you are open it is helpful to say. They may ask your ethnic origin and if you have mixed heritage or different to white British heritage in your family it is useful to say as these types of adopters are very much sort after.

Re Will they take lots of notes or just a few and send forms? No idea, but they will probably invite you to an open evening or open day event which usually lasts one or two hours and is often held at the local county offices or their office and would be a time when they present to you the realities of adoption and where they give you a chance to ask questions etc.

Re Just really wondering if we need to so the call together or whether I can just ring to kick off the first stages?

Up to you but easer if you call as unless your other half is easily accessible during the daytime. If you have talked about the things mentioned above and know your joint family thoughts or at least an idea of them then personally speaking I think you can call alone. I know I did and my other half was fine because we had talked about it together before I made the call.

Good luck and please do keep us posted (great name, are you American?)

Italiangreyhound Wed 28-May-14 21:51:01

Well done pootle those ideas sound great.

Welcome Mersea.

RhinosAreFatUnicorns Wed 28-May-14 21:44:48

My first phone call from them was quite lengthy actually - this was after we had submitted a form of interest. Nothing too demanding, but asked about work, pets, what age range we were considering. Can't remember too much as was a few years ago, but I remember being surprised that she had asked so many questions. I did it on my own at work.

Go for it! SW aren't that scary - in fact ours was so lovely, I still keep in touch with her from time to time smile

Mersea Wed 28-May-14 21:38:17

Hi all, I found raspberry that when I made my first phone call they asked only a couple of questions like was I over 21 and did I have a spare room. After that they sent me an info pack and dates of information events. They said they do very little until you come back to them with interest after the event or when you send your initial application form. It may vary between agencies but I really wouldn't worry about the call they were very understanding.

RhinosAreFatUnicorns Wed 28-May-14 21:30:51

MrsBW that is lovely. How fabulous to have a record of the start of your journey. I have spent a good part of our afternoon going over the photographs of DD from the day we first met her and those early months. Now over two years ago - I still have to pinch myself sometimes - we are so lucky to have her smile

MrsBW Wed 28-May-14 21:20:57

Hi to all the recent newbies.

Just wanted to reassure you at the beginning of what must seem like a long process. Here's my first message on this thread....

MrsBW Fri 28-Dec-12 21:57:45

[Waves hello!]

DH and I started the process in July... He is infertile due to cancer and my Mum was very poorly after I was born and I've been told I'm at risk if I have kids. Had an info evening then initial social worker visit from one LA but were put on hold for 18 months at that point for reasons that I won't go into on here. Bit of a kick in the teeth.

So, we're now going through a VA who so far have been somewhat more open to talking to us to find out more about us rather than make snap judgements.

So, so far it's already been a frustrating process but we know there is more to come, and the end result will be worth it. Just waiting to find out about our initial visit with the VA... Have already been told their prep group is in March so hoping we'll be accepted into that.

Current thinking is we'd like to adopt two, aged 3-8, but that may change of course as we find out more.

Looking forward to finding out more about you all and hearing about your journeys!!


Our DS and DD are sound asleep upstairs, having come home last week. They were placed with us less than 3 months after we were approved. When I look back over our long journey, it seems unreal. But you will all get there and when you do, it's brilliant!!!

Good luck all.

SmokyHeart Wed 28-May-14 20:28:33

That's exciting, Karbea!
Welcome Mersea!

And Pootle, I wouldn't worry about having to give up volunteering after six months. A lot of places with volunteers have a fairly high turnover and they sometimes specify at the outset how long they expect people to volunteer for. For most places, six months would be fine, they would be glad to have you for that time.

We have a slight delay at our end but once that is over we will be progressing to the next stage. With a new social worker, who we haven't been assigned to yet, but hopefully we will find out soon.

Karbea Wed 28-May-14 19:44:47

Hello all,

I've just realised I've been "courting" this thread since the first page!
Anyway dh and I have had a very serious chat about it and we've decided to definitely talk to la/agency again... So will be making a call in the next week or so.

RaspberrySnowCone Wed 28-May-14 18:48:16

Hi all,
Very very new newbie. In fact so new we haven't picked up the phone yet! I think I've tracked down the phone number for my LA agency so am going to ring them tomorrow. I'm scared but excited, DH a bit the same but mostly nervous as I think he's built up social workers to be reall scary people. Can anyone shed any light on what is likely to be asked at that first phone call? Will they take lots of notes or just a few and send forms? Just really wondering if we need to so the call together or whether I can just ring to kick off the first stages?

prumarth Wed 28-May-14 18:03:19

Well done pootle and hello mersea!
We start intros next week. Can't believe it!

Mersea Wed 28-May-14 16:43:22

Hi we are just starting out on the adoption journey after coming to terms with not having our own. We have made a call and are waiting to attend the information event. we have asked for information from 2 local authorities so far. Be good to have come company smile

Choccyjules Wed 28-May-14 13:00:24

Hurray Pootle !

PootlewasthebestFlump Wed 28-May-14 12:14:36

We're progressing to stage 1!!!!


PootlewasthebestFlump Mon 26-May-14 15:01:59

Thanks. I'm thinking about the school near my home as I work a short day one day a week. The rest of the time it's 10 hour days with no breaks sad Maybe reading, or classroom help?

My local church also does messy church etc so that might be possible.

The agency said it was not compulsory to do voluntary work but it can give you the edge over more experienced adopters.

Italiangreyhound Mon 26-May-14 14:12:31

Welcome Ethiad.

PootlewasthebestFlump once your child is placed you will almost certainly have to give up the voluntary work and any school/club/Brownie or Scout troop will understand that.

I suggest you just be honest about what you can give and what you hope to gain and why - and for roughly how long. Voluntary is just that, it is not a paid job they do not expect a never ending commitment. Try and find something in the age range you hope to adopt and try and fit it in around work. Remember if you work in a city there will be things possibly local to work which could fit into your lunch break and once on adoption leave you would not be able to do these anyway. Good luck.

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