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(53 Posts)
Lilka Sat 26-May-12 19:57:13

It's been a while since we had one of these. Anyone want to chat? Everyone welcome smile

It's rare that DD2 is in the mood for a cuddle or wants to spend any length of time with me in general. Tonight, she does want to curl up on the sofa with me and some chocolate watching TV

I am delighted smile

The (significant) downside is that, as you can probably guess, she wants to watch Eurovision

Frankly, I should get a medal for my acting skills in pretending that I a) want to watch it, and b) I actually like it

Why didn't she want to watch a nice movie or something??! Why do I have to spend my evening watching singing Russian grannies and bloody Jedward!

I will grin and bear it. I am envy of those of you whose kids are too young or too sensible to want to watch this. At least I have my laptop and therefore MN with me

What are you all doing this fine evening?

Lilka Sat 26-May-12 19:58:22

ps. I may just have offended any of you who are Eurovision fans. I would apologise but I can't bring myself too. I hate it that much grin

funnychic Sat 26-May-12 20:26:56

Hiya Poor poor you having to watch Eurovision! I have been doing a general search on all aspects of adoption tonight as (nowt on tv)! I have searched several of my favourite sites and several adoption blogs I have been reading and I'm having my very own panic attack!! I cant seem to find any positive or easy reading about adoptive children, It really all seems intense, hardwork and angst ridden. Am I doing the right thing? I am starting to have my doubts as I am getting near to panel, I know it is what I want but please tell me its not all as bad as I keep reading?
Really sorry I have hijacked your bright and breezey chat post but I am seriously having my very own breakdown sat here!!! I think chocolate is required its that bad!

Lilka Sat 26-May-12 20:54:56

You aren't hijacking. I am happy to be distracted to be honest grin The Russian grannies have finished now - DD2 is still singing the chorus loudly and badly shock She's giving me dirty looks because I'm typing as well as watching!!

You should have chocolate- it is the best feel good remedy of all time smile No need to feel guilty about that. Or, if on a diet, a relaxing bath. And tea. A cup of tea will make anything feel better brew

I would say that in 15 (nearing 16) years, I have lived about 2 or 3 where I was having such problems that we didn't have a family lfe, and that was with one child only. With DD2, although she is hard work and it is intense, we do have a family life, and we are usually happy. DS has issues but is a delight to parent usually. We have up days, great days, down days, and awful days. But there are lots of small positives as well as bigger progress. What I wanted more than anything was to be a parent, and i am that now, and it has been a very challenging journey but very worth it for me personally. Even though my children do have issues stemming from their past, we deal with those slowly over time. I may not have the family life other families do, but I have one and am so glad of it

I know other families who haven't had problems which is great. It's a possibility you wouldn't have any problems. I just think being prepared for special needs and issues is the best thing to do. And if you do have a lovely child who has issues, it is still a positive thing. If that makes sense. You can have a positive, great life with a child who is not the same as other children

One of the reaosns I like chat threads is that I can post the little stuff, especially the nice things, that happen every day, but don't merit starting a thread about


HappySunflower Sat 26-May-12 21:26:51

Hello smile

New adopter checking in. I am also watching Eurovision but my baby is fast asleep hence far too young to blame, so yes I am watching it through choice grin

We have had a nice day playing in the paddling pool in the garden- I so hope that this stunning weather continues!

funnychic Sat 26-May-12 21:42:58

Thanks for the reply. I think I need to read a lot less and just go with the flow. I thought I was doing myself a favour educating myself and I suppose I have and nothing will come as a suprise now, but I do think I am doing myself more harm than good now. In my rationale reasonable mind I know that for every post about problems, there will be 10 just getting on with life.
Thanks again I'm a bit calmer now

Moomoomie Sat 26-May-12 22:09:24

Hi all.
Dd2 11 years old returned from a school activity resedential trip.... And had a fantastic time, I'm so pleased. Although she is extremely tired and grumpy.
Also, looking a bit better for a diagnosis for dd3 who has just turned five.
Happy weekend to all.

Lilka Sat 26-May-12 22:13:27

Great. Now DD has to vote as well. What a waste of 15p!!! She wants the Russian grannies to win. I thought Sweden was probably the best

Happy - Lovely smile The weathre has been great, we were outside most of today. DD2 and DS sprayed me with their SuperSoaker. DD1's fault - she bought it for them. I was so hot I was actually pleased grin

Funny - Try to keep calm. Wobbles are normal. If you do deal with issues in your children, you will be in good company and get good advice here smile How long till panel now? Exciting times

Lilka Sat 26-May-12 22:15:30

Moo - So glad your DD had a great time smile Best of luck with the dx, it isn't an easy process but getting a dx can be really worth it IME

HappySunflower Sat 26-May-12 22:48:18

Funny...sorry, I just noticed your post blush
A wobble is perfectly normal. I had one or two pre-panel and given the enormity of what you are doing, it's no wonder, really- it's a huge life change!
My little girl has been home for a matter of weeks and although there are obviously challenges I have quite honestly never been happier and adopting is absolutely the best thing in my life that I have ever done.
Feel free to private message me if you want to chat offboard.

funnychic Sun 27-May-12 09:35:22

Thanks Happysunflower, you might be sorry you made that offer!! LOL smile

Lilka Sun 27-May-12 12:51:15

Still gorgeous weather here smile Kids in garden with paddling pool, and DD1 is coming over with DGD soon. I can't wait grin DGD is 4 weeks on Tuesday and already has a full head of hair. It started out dark but it's getting lighter by the week. Think she'll be blonde soon!

Moomoomie Sun 27-May-12 16:00:46

Sounds an idyllic Sunday. Lilka. Enjoy those baby cuddles.

Lilka Sun 27-May-12 21:24:13

Have had a lovely day smile Very peaceful by our standards - only one tantrum in the whole day from DD2, and she and DS barely fought at all. We all had fun. DGD is just gorgeous, had a wonderful time with her and DD1

What did you all do today?

Kewcumber Tue 29-May-12 16:20:12

Hi all - first experience today of DS being asked in school - why didn't your real mum keep you? (from a close friend of his) As luck would have it I was there (reading with kids) and said very firmly "I am his real mum". Oh OK well teh mum who grew him "Thats is DS's story, it is private and he doesn't have to discuss it at school"

Teacher overheard and asked me if she needed to intervene (no just make sure he isn't being badgered about it). I think it all went OK and gave DS an idea how to handle it if it comes up again.

Lilka Tue 29-May-12 18:21:08

Well done Kew smile

Having a go at cooking with DD2 tonight. A simple pasta. This could end very badly!! We shall see....

DD2 is not doing enough revision! She didn't do enough for the couple of exams she's had, and she still isn't doing much. I mean, she'll never set the academic world on fire (she's less academic than DD1 who got less than 5 GCSE's), BUT she could try. I know this is mostly my problem. I KNOW she feels its pointless because she won't manage above a D in maths or English or Science even if she does put in mega effort, I KNOW she feels stupid and worthless, so doesn't try. But, I just can't help feeling so frustrated and upset when I see her sitting there doing nothing sad I don't expect her to get good marks, I just want her to try alittle bit. I've tried everything i can think of to get her revising, but she won't unless I can coax her into an hour with a treat promised at the end. And if she gets frustrated because she can't do something she throws her books around and storms off

I am fed up of exams already. So glad that after this year, I don't have to deal with them for another 8 ish years!!

Kewcumber Wed 30-May-12 15:35:50

I don;t feel "well done" I feel a bit sad - you know the kind of sad that they have to learn to deal with it even at a minor level and that you can't ever take that away from them.

Have also asked teacher to refer DS for speech therapy and she's agreed - apparently totally aware of the issue but has never mentioned it at either of our consultations before. Would most teachers have mentioned it or am I being a bit picky?

Adoptionrulesok Wed 30-May-12 15:52:34

Hi everyone, I just wanted to say that I really like the adoption forum on here. Everyone seems lovely and it's great to be able to share experiences with likeminded mummies (and maybe daddies?).

Has anyone else become a real adoption ambassador since adopting? I find myself crowing on about how fantastic it is all the time smile I love being a mummy!!

Lilka Wed 30-May-12 15:53:19

I know what you mean Kew. I'm sorry if I worded that poorly - I meant that I thought you handled the situation very well (IMHO). It isn't easy when a question is just sprung on you. I hope DS is not feeling too affected by it

I think his teacher should have mentionned it personally, if it's to the stage you need speech therapy then surely it warrants a discussion?!

Our pasta did in fact turn out very nice. Not only that, but DD did 3/4 hour of revision. Proud of her smile

Adoptionrulesok Wed 30-May-12 15:54:44

sorry Kew, I meant to answer your question in my post. I think the teacher should have mentioned it. Speech problems can have such an impact on social skills, which is surely one of the reasons children go to school?

My eldest has speech therapy and she is the lovliest professional I think I have ever worked with smile

Kewcumber Wed 30-May-12 16:03:55

I think his speech problmes can be fairly easily resolved but tehre are a few of them - lisping S, V instead of TH and some very odd vowel sounds which don;t come from any bit of the English language I've heard (though I haven't worked my way through all the Russian ones!).

His speech sounds cute now but what sounds cute at 6 isn't going to sound cute at 9 and he's already started to get a bit self conscious about it. He is in prime territory for speech problems - very premmie (26 weeks) institutionalised for a year, switched language at 12 months, language delay still at 3 and adopted. I think that may be a "bingo"!

Its OK Lilka I know what you meant - was just feeling a bit sad about it. He's probably forgotten already!

Lilka Wed 30-May-12 16:04:13

adoptionrulesok - I don't know. On the one hand, I am very positive about it, and I am definitely always happy to give people information if asked, irl and online. I do think adoption is fantastic for me - and fantastic for you as well of course smile On the other, I don't tend to promote it, as in I don't actively recommend it to people. Nor do I discourage it. I just talk about my experience and about adoption generally. It's not right for everyone.

Also, I'm very cautious irl in how much I say, as the person I'm talking to will know my children personally. I'm cautious online as well, but in a different way (for instance, irl I am happy to say which council I adopted through, but I don't say that online. Online I share more about my kids difficulties than I do irl)

So glad you are loving being a mum smile

Adoptionrulesok Wed 30-May-12 16:19:02

lilka I follow similar rules to you about the internet. I think I really offended one of my DS1's friends mums when I asked her to remove several photo's from facebook of my DS at her Ds's birthday party. Hey ho, you have to protect your own children.

With reference to the crowing on about it, I should probably clarify that like you, it dont recommend it to people, just tell them what a good experience it has been for us. Do you find that people ask questions that would never get asked if your adopted child was a birth child? e.g. "so how come they are with you then?" I sometimes feel like saying "well if you tell me the details of the conception of your DC, I will tell you the reasons my children are with me!!" Is that unreasonable? (disclaimer....have never actually said this to anyone!!).

Lilka Wed 30-May-12 17:04:29

Oh yes, I've been asked that many times!! I have often felt like saying that as well! But it would be a bit embarassing if they called your bluff "yeah, pretty sure DC was concieved on the kitchen table in the missionary position. So, about why your kids are with you?"... shock

But yes, definitely. Adopted children are public property, doncha know? hmm

It's worse when the grow up a bit, and they get asked the questions instead of me. I hate being asked, but rather ask me than ask my child! Having said that, DD2 is actually very good at fielding questions now, but it was hard when she was younger

I have had some real nasties though. "What did she do to get herself taken into care?" about DD1 shock sad was the worst.

I admit on that situation, I did go for the nasty sarcastic reply, which was something like "NOTHING! What did you do your brain and mouth to dare ask me that?!" Ugh

Adoptionrulesok Wed 30-May-12 17:46:22

OMG, someone actually said that!?!? What a knob!!!

I tell what else I get all the time...."how come you adopted, can't you have your own?" followed by sympathy face. This one I feel I definately can give TMI and sometimes go into very graphic details, just for shock value really smile

How did you help your DD to be able to answer questions herself? Just asking cos DS1 starts school in september and want him to be as prepared as he can be.

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