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What complete utter drivel

(19 Posts)
Lilka Mon 07-May-12 11:52:46

I don't know why I look at the MailOnline, I really don't sometimes. They have a wonderful adoption article today....which is the biggest load of tripe I have had the misfortune of reading in quite some time. And frighteningly, Joe Public is now reading this, and I'm sure some of them believe it

The worst thing is that the author claims to be a member of an adoption panel. God help us all if thats the attitude of many more of them

She moans about waiting children's unusual names. Not because of their likelihood of being traced, which is a legitimate concern. Oh no, doesn't mention that at all. Instead, she moans that only the 'underclass' (her word not mine!) are named Gemma-mai and Jayde, and that nice middle class adoptive parents shouldn't have to get saddled with names like that, 'cause we're all far too snobby to want children with those names, and that's the real reason why children don't get adopted!!

Worst of all, she also moans that we get given too much information about the children!!! TOO MUCH!! Apparently we should get given almost no information about our children, because they are blank canvasses and it will all be fine if we know nothing about them shock Yes, really! Straight out of the sixties! Our children will apparently be fine if we know nothing about their past. We don't need to know if say, they were exposed to drugs in pregnancy, or how they were abused, or anything about their first family, and if we know nothing the children will turn out fine

I am so angry right now. This is an adopton panel member. No bloody wonder we get no support if so many adoption professionals still believe the blank canvass twaddle that was discredited years ago.

Dear author of article - get your arse OFF that panel until you have educated yourself. Go read a book for a start. I am my childrens mum and I have a RIGHT to know all of their history. My children have a RIGHT to know WHY they were removed. How dare you insult my children by claiming they are blank canvasses? And Joe Public have a right not to be misled by that utter twaddle you wrote as well

I needed to rant this out. And correct any members of the public who believed that


DogEared Mon 07-May-12 11:55:37

I saw this, and thought that it was utter bollocks. As if anyone would be put off by a bloody name anyway. And as if you as adoptive parents should have to second guess your DC's history.
The DM doing what it does best.

FriggFRIGG Mon 07-May-12 12:00:04

I read that too,I know almost nothing of adoption and I knew it was utter twaddle.
I wouldn't worry to much about joe public.
I do,however worry that however wrote it has power over the lives of children.

bottersnike Mon 07-May-12 12:08:25

Glad to see that this article is getting the response it deserves. A terrible, uninformed, bigoted piece of rubbish.

KenHomsDadsWoksDead Mon 07-May-12 12:21:25

It really is the biggest pile of crap I've read on adoption - and I've read loads

SkinnyMalinkiLongLegs Mon 07-May-12 12:48:22

Ha ha ha what a loon. I can't believe someone with that attitude is allowed to sit on adoption panels.

I do agree though that SWs shouldn't put so much pressure on adoptive parents not to change a childs name.

Our dd has the most unusual (and dare I say it "chavvy") name I have ever heard. It doesn't appear in any lists and googling it brings up no matches. We discussed changing it with SWs. They were very much against us doing so for all the usual reasons, identity, it was the only thing her BM could give her ect. So we kept it and I will admit for a long time I was embarrassed when I had to tell strangers her name blush.
When I first joined MN I started a "what do you think of this name thread" the response was one of horror that anyone would ever land a poor child with that name grin.
However, several years later I couldn't imagine her being called anything else. We have our own family NN for her but happily use her real name as well.

The problem we have is how easily she could be traced. She was recently hugely excited to be asked to present flowers to a member of the royal family. The result was her appearing on the national and local television news (the local Tv news showed her being interviewed and put her name on screen). She was in 4 local papers with one mentioning the street we live in and the school she goes to. She was named and interviewed on two radio stations.

All her family live fairly close to us (they would have access to all the papers and local news stations). They haven't seen her since she was less than a year old. I'm sure at least a few of them now know what she looks like, where she lives and what school she goes to.

KenHomsDadsWoksDead Mon 07-May-12 13:17:14

I'm dying to know what her name is now! grin

I do think it's better to change a name if it's highly unusual, or identifying, like in your instance, but it would really depend on the age of the child. I think all we plan on doing really is changing any weird spellings, or possibly adding/changing a middle name. As if anyone would really put themselves through all this rigmarole and then decide not to go ahead because of a chavvy name! I think the DM just pulls their stories out of their arses to be honest.

Lilka Mon 07-May-12 13:26:24

Skinny - There can be problems around names of course, especially tracing. All three of mine were given unusual names. Both my girls kept their first names, and DD1 changed her middle names. Entirely her own choice. DD2 loves all her names and wouldn't have considered changing anything. DS got a new first name, we had a problematic security issue

DD1 is definitely trace-able with her name. She has a nickname on FB, as well as the strictest security settings, although even that may not be enough. I can't find her name on any lists, on any of the ONS tables. Some people on FB have her name, but very few, most of them aren't in the UK. BUT it is IMHO a lovely name

Actually, lots of these so called 'chavvy' names are names I really like grin

I think lots of parents worry when they see their childs name on paper for the first time. When you don't know your child, everything on paper will stand out, especially the name. Many adopters stop worrying after their child comes home because the name either fits them, or it fades into the background because there is so much more to your child than their name once you get to know them

Anyway, this article didn't deal with names in a good way. The only 'snob' I could see in sight was the author, although that's what she accused us parents of being!!

trixymalixy Mon 07-May-12 13:28:53

I know nothing about adoption, but I read that and thought it was a load of bollocks too!!

Happyasapiginshite Mon 07-May-12 13:41:20

I just read that article and came straight here to see if there was a reaction. What utter bollox and awful to think that people read that and think it's how things are.

The article says that in Russia, adoptive parents are given almost no information. What complete crap. We (and the other parents who have adopted fro Russia) got loads of information, so that if dd wants to go and trace her birth family she should have all the info she needs.

Horrible article.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere Mon 07-May-12 17:58:09

I am glad you started this thread. I admit to being a bit wobbly ATM but it he artcle made me want to cry.
I am sick of seeing my son's name treated as a disability and I am sick of children up for adoption being described as if from a different species .
It has really got to me

Kewcumber Mon 07-May-12 23:20:38

Happy - here too. Everyone I know who adopted outside the UK was given as much information as was available. If there was little information given then it was because they didn't have much. I have every measurement of DS taken since birth and every vaccination he was given down to the date and dosage.I changed DS's name (given to him by a doctor not birth parents) not particularly because I had a problem with it (in fact I became very fond of it and struggled terribly with the idea of giving it up) but because I wasn;t at all sure people in most of the UK would recognise it as a name in English and it would sadly be shortened into a (relatively mild) swearword. Its still his second name.

I don't a single adoptive parent who wouldn't adopt a child because of their name.

I can;t beleive she's truly asserting that less information is better shock Yeah because thats worked a treat in the past hmm

Devora Tue 08-May-12 00:17:34

oh FGS, that's the stupidest article I've read in a long time. Whistleblower? Fantasist loon, more like.

How offensive, this idea that everything from our children's origins should just be wiped out and denied, that adoption should be some kind of Year Zero when they just start life again. And that we shouldn't be told as much as possible about their early life. (Given a file of information as thick as a yellow pages? Fat chance.)

My dd also came with a 'chavvy', uniquely spelt name. We did slightly shorten it, for security reasons, and tbh it's still not a name I would ever choose myself, in a million years. But it is her name, and the idea that I - or any other adopter or potential adopter I have ever met - would reject her on the basis of it is just ridiculous.

I agree with MrsDV - this name thing has got a bit beyond a joke. Let's all admit that this is nothing about taste (there's lots of 'chavvy' names that I really like - hell, I had Jordan on my shortlist for a boy - and lots of Farrow & Ball names that I really don't) and all about class allegiance. My children already have enough reasons to be seen as 'different' at school - racial identity, adoption, two mums - and I was reluctant to add 'name that will get them teased' to the list. But Chardonnay is intrinsically no better or worse a name than Phoebe, is it?

Happyasapiginshite Tue 08-May-12 09:09:10

grin@ Farrow and Ball names- brilliant description!!

Kewcumber Tue 08-May-12 13:18:59

I chose a plan vanilla first name for DS because I decided there was enough exoticism about him without calling him Chambray de Monfort Jones (Monty for short)

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere Tue 08-May-12 15:48:10

I think I find this all particularly hard because we are kinship careers and therefore one of the families that these children are needing to be rescued from (according to the article, not you lovely lot).
It's so insulting to see it stated so openly in articles like this.
My sons name is not one I would have chosen but it is in the same genre as my other children's names.
It is one that is commonly sneered at on MN and obviously considered beyond the pale by the 'SW' who wrote the pile of toss in the DM.

Devora Tue 08-May-12 17:58:03

I like your son's name, MrsDV. But then I like Jordan, so what do I know. I'm amazed I got through adoption panel.

Lilka Tue 08-May-12 18:05:37

My DD1's name is in the same 'genre' of name certain people enjoy sneering at. It's also a lovely name, so clearly some people have no taste in names at all, though they clearly think they do

Goodness knows what the author would make of actual unique names. For all the names your adopted child coulod have, Gemma-Mai is actually very nice (IMHO) as is Jayde etc. They are just average names with slightly different spellings or hyphens. In many parts/cities of the US, it's the norm for AA children to have either unique or African-sounding names, so if you look on a US photolisting, you get names such as, say, Matronesia, Sh'quivian, Adanmaolisa, Za'morean, Diajhane'
, A'tahj'shay and so on. Not to mention Jaedionne (Jayden). That's ordinary enough there. Could you imagine the DM authors reaction if baby Shunterria came to the panel to be matched? She's probably have a heart attack

But I agree with you MrsDV, kinship carers can often be the best home, and I can't imagine how insulted I'd feel if I was you

Imagine the childs new "middle class/posh" (sarcastic emoticon) adoptive surname was hard to pronounce or unusual. Chardonnay Dayzee Cholmondeley-Featherstonhaugh anybody? grin

mossity Wed 09-May-12 13:44:49

utter nonsense!!!!!! And that is all

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