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Suitability to adopt- have 3 birth children one with serious medical condition

(9 Posts)
JumpingJellyfish Thu 20-Oct-11 15:42:19

Just after a little advice at a very early stage. DH & I always wanted 4DCs, and have 3 lovely little people. I cannot have any more due to (1) serious pre-eclampsia risk and (2) risk of cystic fibrosis. DD1 (aged 4) has cystic fibrosis- she has kept very well so far (touches wood) but on quite a strict medication and physio regime. We have DS aged 6 and DD2 aged nearly 2. DH and I have been discussing adopting a child when DD2 is 5 or older, so a way off yet, and we are both very keen. But I fear it'll be a nonstarter due to DD1's medical condition. She may need occassional hospitalisations etc. for 2 weeks at a time and moreso potentially as she gets older. Plus we obviously have the extra "burden" of her medical needs as it is. But part of me hopes that this could be deemed good experience to bring to a child with their own special needs <hopeful & no doubt naive>?
Would we even be able to foster considering DD1's condition? I realise there are many other considerations, and we may fail due to other factors potentially, but I'd love to know from the outset if we'd be deemed unsuitable to adopt.

Thanks for your time.

Reveller Thu 20-Oct-11 19:28:19

It sounds like you already have a lot on your hands, you are either crazy or a supermum. I think it would be a good idea to start talking to social servces a long time before you plan to actually get started. They will certainly have the same concerns as you especially as an adopted child would likely have many more problems in addition to any medical issues. Do you know any other families with children with Cystic Fibrosis? You could offer to babysit for a few days as a way of seeing how you might cope with an extra pair of feet in the house.

nightshade Fri 21-Oct-11 19:08:11

agree with reveller. you also need to consider the impact that adopting a child will have on your own children, who are still young and require significant input.

often children who reqire adoption or fostering come with their own issues, which may need to take precedent, for a significant period, before they settle.

how will that affect your family stability? respite carer is also a way of testing things out.

Rocky12 Fri 21-Oct-11 19:25:02

Why do you want to have 4 children, you seem to have more than enough on your plate....

AllThreeWays Fri 21-Oct-11 19:44:12

Adoption and fostering is not about you being able to have the number of children you want, it is about providing the best option for the child. From what you have said, I would suggest that your family scenario would not be suitable .

KristinaM Sat 22-Oct-11 13:53:53

Can i ask how do yu manage when Your dd goes into hospital? Which one of you stays with her and how does the other parent cope with work and the other children?

I am wondering how the parent who is at home will cope with work, your 6yo, 2yo and another child with special needs. And what abiut hospital visiting? How woudl that work out iif you have a child placed with you?

I am not unsympathetic. But i have experince of a sick child who spends weeks on end in hospital. The whole familyblife is focussed around that childs needs. That easier when the other children are small and its all they have ever known. But you woudld be adopting another child with special needs and your own children woudl be older. They may not be so happy to have their whole lives revolve around another disabled child

Im sorry if that sounds harsh. But your children are still small. You need to thimk how your 14 yo will feel when hes told he cant go to his football match /schol disco/birthdaybparty because one child is is hospital and he needs to babysit while a parent visist/takes the other to anappointmnte etc

JumpingJellyfish Mon 24-Oct-11 22:22:41

Thank you for the replies, sorry late getting back to the thread (broadband went AWOL). To be honest your replies just confirm exactly the responses I thought I'd get. I am very aware that an adopted child would come with a lot of needs themselves and need significant support and become the focus of the family for a good while. But I felt we (Dh & I) may have the ability to manage this - the emotional reserves, strong marriage, parenting experience- not now but in a few years' time when our birth children are older. However I realise also that at times when DD1 becomes poorly that would require an unrealistic amount of juggling for the whole family and would in itself be far from ideal for the adopted child. And with no crystal ball I cannot possibly predict how often or rare those episodes may be. I just feel we have more to give, somehow, and we would both love an extra face around the table too, the chaos it may bring, the potential to enrich all our lives ultimately, another child to love. But I guess this is not to be, and such is life- would never have predicted CF etc. when planning our family. Will channel all nurturing to our own kids. Thanks for your responses.

KristinaM Tue 25-Oct-11 16:41:38

I tbink there are other options you might want toconsider, apart from adoptiom. There is a need for respite carers, who can take a child for short breaks, such as a wekkend a month. This might be a chikd in permanent fc or a child with addiional support needs who llives with their birth family. You might also cosider suporting other familes who have a chikd with CF. Alternatively, you would be well placed to adopt a child with Sn when your existing children are independent

JumpingJellyfish Wed 26-Oct-11 09:33:00

Thanks Kristina. I will look into respite caring in a few years time. Unfortunately we cannot look after anyone with CF due to cross-infection issues, no child with CF can come into any contact with another person with CF. Life is very full with the kids at the age they are currently and all of this is at least 4 years off at a minimum, probably more, but would very much like to one day be able to offer support to other children.

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