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I don't kno w how to handle this, Biological grandad about to pass away today

(16 Posts)
HidingInTheBathroom Tue 18-Oct-11 14:22:03

I don't know how to feel, I don't know how to act, I don't even know what to call him???????????

Got in contact with my birth family when I was 14 (i'm now 27). My Biological Grandparents have always been really kind. They have always sent me birthday cards and christmas cards. They wanted to raise me when I was little but could not due to health problems and age. When I was 20 I lost contact with them for around 6 years due to my own Issues.

Any way my Bio Logical Grandad has become very ill. He asked to see me and the kids the other week. So I went down and we had a nice time. He was made up seeing me and the kids as never met my youngest two.

Today I have had a message to say there is not long legth im talking hours. I didn't know what to do. As Even though he is my Grandad I don't really know him. But that is not his fault. So after a hour I decided to message back and say I would come over to see him one last time. But I am too late ive been told as the nurse is there and they do not think I would make it in time.

I fel like I want to cry but then feel stupid for being upset as I don't really know him. Should I just jump in the car and go over any way. Would that look silly on my part.

I feel really weird. I do not have any one I could talk too because I do not know what I am feeling myself.

Yani Tue 18-Oct-11 14:30:36

Get in the car and go. You'll regret it one day if you don't. They have contacted you, it must be for more than 'just to let you know' x

BloodyGoreyHairyKnickers Tue 18-Oct-11 14:36:44

I would say go too. Perhaps your grandmother would also appreciate you being there. Drive carefully.

HidingInTheBathroom Tue 18-Oct-11 14:36:44

I've asked for the address again but no reply sad

I do know it's only about 20-30 mins away.

HidingInTheBathroom Tue 18-Oct-11 14:38:15

I know my bio grandmothers address but he is in a carehome I know walking distance from her house but don't know where exactly.

bottlebank Tue 18-Oct-11 14:42:44

Could you put her address into google maps, search for carehomes nearby and call the ones which come up to ask if he's there?

boohoohoo Tue 18-Oct-11 14:43:04

Google it, jump in your car and go, as already said drive carefully x

HidingInTheBathroom Tue 18-Oct-11 14:47:03

The last message I got was that I would not make it in time and they will keep me updated. If I do go am I imposing

bottlebank Tue 18-Oct-11 15:16:28

Imposing on who? You know he likes to see you. It's the end of his life - nobody else's feelings but yours and his matter at this point surely.

If you feel you'd rather not go, how about calling and being put on speakerphone near him so you can say goodbye? Then he'll know you are 'there'. That's what DH did when his grandfather passed away while we were too far to make it.

HidingInTheBathroom Tue 18-Oct-11 17:53:19

I received a phone call form my cousin. She says nurse had made him comfortable so could be tomorrow now.

They said he was in such a state it would not be nice to see him like this so respected my biological family's wishes. The only people who are there are my bio mum and Aunty.

Such a emotional stage I'm in at the minute as feel stupid for getting so upset due to not knowing him too well.

I have alot of emotions at the minute. My head is up my arsesad

snailoon Tue 18-Oct-11 17:58:40

I think it is always better to go. Painful, but better. If you are sure you don't want to that's a different story, but you sound as if you probably would like to, but are afraid, or confused, or unsure. I would go if you feel up to it; your bio-mum would probably really appreciate it.

boohoohoo Tue 18-Oct-11 18:16:44

Hiding I want to say this as gently as possible, I think you may be looking for an excuse not to go, but, from your first op it sounds as though you always meant an awful lot to your grandfather and I should imagine being with his loved ones would make his passing more peaceful, it would help you as well as you could be filled with regret.

You could always go down and ask a nurse to get your mum to come out to you and then you could talk to her first. Do you think you mother and grandmother would like you to go there, they may be very touched. There is no wrong or right here.

Be gentle with yourself whatever you decide x

HidingInTheBathroom Wed 19-Oct-11 13:32:09

He passed away the early hours of this morning in his sleep very peacefully. sad

BloodyGoreyHairyKnickers Wed 19-Oct-11 13:42:05

I'm very sorry for your loss sad . No matter how little you feel you knew your Grandfather, he is still your family ~ your blood and you should not underestimate how much grief you may feel. Take care.x

boohoohoo Wed 19-Oct-11 13:42:48

So sorry hiding, best wishes to you. You always have the knowledge that you saw him recently and made him very happy to have you back in his life x

magso Thu 20-Oct-11 10:17:57

So sorry for your loss. Be gentle on yourself. Your bio grandfather was precious to you and the limited time you had to get to know him will be part of your feelings of loss. It obviously made him happy to have met you.

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