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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Do we or don't we?

(5 Posts)
LuckiestMummy Tue 23-Aug-11 17:58:33

Hi

This is my first post on this site so please bear with me!!

We already have an incredible, gorgeous, dream-come-true 4yr old son who we adopted 3yrs ago.

We've been thinking about adopting again for at least a year but wanted to give the little fella some time to settle before we did.

I am sure we're not the first parents to ponder this difficult question and certainly not the first adoptive parents who wonder "how can we top perfection?" (for surely all our little 'treasures' are our own idea of perfect?!) and wonder how many others of you who've adopted have come to make this huge decision please, either for or against?

Family/friends advice is the usual:
"Why rock the boat?"
"You've been blessed with one, leave it there!"
"What for?!"
"Do what feels right"

I sometimes just wish BM would have another and take the decision out of our hands (as we'd have first refusal!) but after 4yrs I suspect that's not an option!

Thanks for reading this and I look forwards to any replies that may stop our brains going round and round in circles!!

HattiFattner Tue 23-Aug-11 18:01:03

do you feel your family is complete? If not (and I suspect not, based on this post) then I think you should consider No 2. None of us can be sure of our new childrens personalities, but I think if you dont, you will regret it in the future.

hester Tue 23-Aug-11 23:21:56

It's an unanswerable question, isn't it? For everybody, but freighted with extra weight for adoptive parents, I think. Because we feel we've already had our share of luck and it will be tempting fate to push it further and 'get greedy'. And because we really fear making the wrong choice for our children, and perhaps don't assume a sibling will be a benefit (as I think many bio parents do).

I'm not in the same position, because my first child is a birth child, but I went through all these fears when I adopted. Our adopted child has now been with us a year, and she is a complete delight. To my amazement, her first and strongest bond was not with us but with her new sister. They absolutely adore each other, and dd1 is now reproaching us because we won't be getting MORE siblings for her.

I'm not saying: it worked for us, so it will work for you. I'm just saying that with the first adoption you took a huge leap of faith, and I'm sure it was very scary for you as it was for me. And it worked out. You simply have to decide whether you are ready to take that leap into the unknown again.

Best of luck x

Aeschylus Sun 28-Aug-11 21:33:48

We are now starting the process and I know what you mean. I have a bs and I love him so much, I am very very happy with my family and if I never have another child, I will not love him any less obviously, but that does not mean I would not like another child and a brother or sister for him. I think having a toddler join the family (most probable outcome) will be more difficult than a baby in some ways as although babies are emotionally and physically demanding on the parents, a toddler will need different attention and will pose more of a 'threat' for toys etc as well as the parents.

Parents often choose to have another child and not always for the right reasons, others sometimes fall pregnant accidentally and, as we know wanteing to adopt, some of those parents are not able to bring their children up (for whatever reason). If you have a loving home and some space to give a bit more and you have thought it all through then I think you should go for it. There will be hard times but that is something that can happen if the child is a birth child or adopted as you can't choose a child's personality or know what experiences they are going to have and how these will affect them - we can't predict the future we can only do what we feel and think is right.

LuckiestMummy Fri 02-Sep-11 13:23:47

Thank you for your lovely comments to date. Much appreciated smile
I wish you an easy adoption process Aeschylus and a gorgeous little result. Yes, toddlers are harder, they've experienced more and are already little people in their own right BUT to turn around an angry, scared little one into a confident, funny, crazy little person is truly amazing and something I am very, very keen to do again.
The decision will come when it's right...think some of it is a knee jerk reaction to DS starting school...I don't doubt we'll 'go again...it's more a case of when!
Thanks again

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