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Going to vist my biological grandad on his death bed with the DC

(6 Posts)
heathermumof3 Sun 21-Aug-11 10:20:25

I was adopted when I was 18 months. I always new the truth but at the age of 14 I got in contact with my borth family (behind my parents back). My birth mother told my mum and we met up.

At 14 I thought it was great as they seemed alot more layed back than my parents. I met them on a regular basis until I fell pregnant when I was 19 with with my DS now (8). When I fell pregnant for reasons I don't really understand my self I cut all ties with my birth family.

Last year I got back in contact with them on a small level via facebook. I feel like I have to keep them at a distance. My feeling are very mixed up about it.

Anyhow my Bio mother has asked me the other night if I would send her a up to date picture of me and the kids for my bio grandad. He is 85 and had been diagonsed with bowel cancer which has spread. He has not got long to live. In my gut I have said I will go see him with the kids (which he has never met) as this is his last wish. He wants to see all the grandkids and great grandkids before he dies. I think it would be very selfish of me to ignore a dying mans last wish.

I personally don't know how to feel or how i am going to react seeing him. Also it will be the first time I have seen any of them since I was 19. I am doing the right thing visting them?

Also how am I going to exlain to my just 3 year old who they are. I feel like shit. When I was adopted I know they had no say in it. They where old and my Grandma suffers from parkinsons so she could not care for me. I am rambeling now but just so mixed up with my emotions I do not know how to feel.

heathermumof3 Sun 21-Aug-11 12:58:43

Got a really bad headache now. Feel sick. Is it just nerves sad

glammanana Sun 21-Aug-11 13:44:27

Of course you are going to have nerve's meeting them under these circumstance's and they will understand this,if you didn't go you may regret it at a later date,there is no reason to go into detail with your 3yr old just say you are going to visit someone who is poorly and want's to see them,just let the little one stay for a short while,how sad for you to meet up
with your Bio GF under these circumstance's you are very brave but you will come through it I'm sure

heathermumof3 Sun 21-Aug-11 17:36:56

Just come bk from our vist. It was not as bad as imagined. The kids had a good playing with the other children of my bio family.
I felt very welcome and not at all nervous. My bio GF who I had met before when I was a teenager seemed in good spirits even making a joke or 2.

I think I might keep in contact more often. I don't want to hurt my parents thats all.

Any How I had a nice day esp seeing my bio cousins and aunts. No awkard questions which was a bonus. smile

hester Sun 21-Aug-11 21:32:28

Well done. I'm sure you'll have all sorts of feelings and reactions over the next few days.

What a shame your parents would be hurt. Have you discussed this with them recently?

heathermumof3 Sun 21-Aug-11 21:36:10

They put on a brave face but it must hurt them. End of day my parents are my family and I put them first.

I would just not make a big issue out of it with them.

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