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In 5 days we'll know if we are able to adopt a little girl

(546 Posts)
lettinggo Sat 25-Jun-11 12:44:18

I won't go thorugh all the process that's brought us this far, but we're 6 1/2 years in the process.

In 5 days time, on June 30th, we're going to find out if we will be able to adopt a little girl from Russia. She must be made available for domestic adoption until June 30th and after that will be able to be adopted internationally. She has some minor health issues, as far as we know nothing hugely serious, but apparantly Russians don't like to adopt children with health issues. She's been adoptable since she was 2 months old.

For the past month we've known about her and have been told that if she doesn't get adopted domestically, we will be allowed to adopt her. In my heart I know we should be hoping she gets to be adopted domestically because that would obviously be what is best for her but it's hard not to hope that it doesn't happen. I'm just not that good.

And now there's only 5 days to go and she's still there. I'm not at all religious, I certainly don't pray. But I remember years ago doing a novena (type of prayer service you do for 9 days where you pray for a specific thing) to St Francis Xavier and the words are rattling around in my head

"but if what I ask is not for the glory of God and the good of my soul,
I pray and desire that which is most conducive to both"

Might not make sense to anyone not Catholic but it's a comfort at the moment.
Sorry for the ramble. I wish I could go to sleep and wake up on Thursday at 1pm (close of business in that part of Russia).

Happyasapiginshite Mon 28-Jan-13 19:36:45

I'm ridiculously happy to have worked out today that dd has lived longer with us than in her baby home. I was already gearing up for March 5th at which time she'll be longer with us than in Russia. But in between making dinner and playing cars on the floor with her, I worked out that she was in her baby home for 1 year and 32 days and has been with us for 1 year and 41 days!!!!

HappyHugs Thu 28-Feb-13 16:43:04

Happy, I just read this whole thread in one sittinb. Its an amazing story, your family sounds so wonderful. I have 3 bio kids the youngest is 2 and your blog makes me want to adopt a little girl....beautiful story. Well done you!

Italiangreyhound Sat 02-Mar-13 02:02:01

Happyasapiginshite congrats, great news.

Lotta1234 Mon 04-Mar-13 18:10:49

Such a great story. Thanks for sharing. Just been talking to dh about adopting.

mineallmine Mon 29-Dec-14 19:13:33

No nerd for anyone to reply. I just want to make a kind of diary entry to mark where we are now. We're three yes home with did now and just finished our final post placement report for Russia. Our SW says dd is very attached and happy and asked us to talk to a group of prospective adopters about all that we did to promote attachment so that was a real compliment to us. I mentioned mumsnet as a place of education!!

dd is a really happy natured child. At the moment, she says 'I love being in my family' a lot and is always full of 'I love you' for me dh and ds. I often tell her her story which starts with 'When u were a tiny baby, u grew in X's tummy' and for the first tome , this wrrl she said 'No, I grew in your tummy.' So I said 'No, you grew in X's tummy and...' and she stopped me and said 'No, I want to grow in your tummy' sad sad So for the first time, she's starting to be aware that being adopted is a not different.

She's had a final speech and language assessment and has been declared average, a great wordsmile She's a little young for her age so we've decided to delay starting school for another year.

This will also go down as the year of the standoff with granny about Christmas and birthday presents. The bitch still didn't give equal presents but at least dd got something this year.

All in all, she's the greatest blessing to our family (although the poor dog would not agree - he's still justifiably terrified of her)

mineallmine Mon 29-Dec-14 19:28:49

Just thought of another thing I don't want to forget about her at this age. She's really good at sharing and whenever someone gives her eg a lollipop, she puts up her other hand and days 'One for my brother'

WerewolfBarMitzvah Mon 29-Dec-14 22:06:13

This is truly the most beautiful thing I've read on the internet mine
Your dd is so lucky to have so much love in her life now. Your love for her shines out from your words - even right at the very beginning.
I'm so moved by this - I've cried for an hour while reading it! Must rehydrate!

Italiangreyhound Tue 30-Dec-14 01:20:41

Mineallmine yay, fabbo and so lovely to hear from you.

My ds has said he wanted to go grow in my tummy. I use that old chestnut, you grew in my heart! Actually I said you were in my heart from the time we first met!

All best wishes, Mineallmine.

slkk Tue 30-Dec-14 19:28:13

Read this thread from start to finish. Lovely to hear an update and to know you are all doing so well.

Howlongtillbedtime Tue 30-Dec-14 20:04:03

I remember this from the beginning, such a lovely and amazing journey .

So pleased to hear from you again . There are a couple of peoples stories I always think of and yours is one of them .

LittleMissDonkeyonADustyRoad Tue 30-Dec-14 20:05:34

This is the first time I have read this thread and I have tears rolling down my cheeks, so heartwarming smile

mineallmine Wed 31-Dec-14 00:35:55

Thanks for the lovely comments. She's pure gorgeous, there's no doubt about it. She definitely has a spark about her that makes people go gooey over her!

Italian, brilliant answer and I'm kicking myself that I didn't think of it. I hope you had a lovely Christmas as a family of foursmile

Italiangreyhound Wed 31-Dec-14 00:39:28

Lovely thanks mineallmine.

Pop over and chip in if you wish to.

Marylou62 Sun 04-Jan-15 12:56:54

I have lurked here for ages and don't feel I have a 'right' to comment but WOW...just WOW! I've just spent a most enjoyable few hours in bed reading every a lurker I feel I' know' you all so well....You are all amazing....heart warming and tear inducing in places....good luck to you all...AFM...I had always wanted to adopt/foster....from a very young age...teens or special needs...I always intended to do it when mine were grown...well they are but I am having a terrible menopause(and a bit unwell).....I think you are all amazing...I am still working on it...

pleasegotowork Thu 24-Dec-15 20:49:36

It's me again with an annual update. No need for anyone to reply, you've heard it all before. I just want to keep a record of the year passing and I have no diary record anywhere else.

Well we're 4 years home today and I'm STILL pinching myself. I don't think I'll ever get over it, how darn lucky we are. DD is the happiest child on this earth. Earlier, DH was washing the pots and I was sitting on the couch and dd called dh over to sit with us. Dh said no, I'm washing up and she said 'But you're part of my family, you have to sit.'

Not sending her to school this year was absolutely the best decision. She's thriving in playschool this year, so much more confident and learning much more. She's returned to speech therapy- she has a brilliant vocabulary but has trouble with sequencing. Also, ongoing bowel issues will mean she'll hopefully have an SNA in school next year, at least for the first year.

She really sociable and loves playing with her 3 local friends. She often plays "Mammies' and puts a doll under her dress to pretend to be pregnant. She still loves her adoption story but doesn't seem to have any understanding of what it means.

She said to Dh a few months ago, in total innocence, "I love Mammy the best, don't I Dad?" which Dh took on the chin smile She still loves her big brother and occasionally allows him to put her to bed. She gave up her dodi (dummy) in August and at last moved out of my bed and into her own room in October. She still comes into our bed every night at some point though.

I asked her the other night what she wants to be when she grows up and she said "a clamper or a fireman lady."

Life is good.

pleasegotowork Fri 25-Dec-15 09:37:30

Another thing I don't want to forget. She's playing now with her new Anna and Elsa dolls, making one of them the Mammy and the other one is 'the darling.' She thinks daughter and darling mean the same thing. When she's playing with me, she'll say ' You be the mam and I'll be the darling.'

Expatmomma Sat 02-Jan-16 09:39:37

Wow have just read your whole thread with a lump in my throat.

I was adopted too so this has really moved me. Your love and happiness pour out of these pages.

As a teen / young adult I would have loved to be able to read such details about my early days in my family. I hope you can print this thread off for her.

Did you ever manage to stay in contact and send photos to her old carers?

Wishing you and all your family all the very best for the future.

MaryPoppinsPenguins Sun 24-Jan-16 15:46:16

I've just read your thread from start to finish and just wanted to say how amazing your story is! I'm sad to get to page 21 and have no more updates!! smile

StrawberryLeaf Wed 27-Jan-16 23:31:50

I have also just stumbled on your thread and read from start to finish. What a beautiful family, your dd sounds wonderful.

NeedACleverNN Mon 08-Feb-16 14:12:00

I've just stumbled on this too and I had a warm heart all the way through to the point where I'm now actually thinking about adoption...

Will have to seriously look into it and go from there

Ilikesweetpeas Thu 26-May-16 20:24:34

Just lovely OP, I hope that you and your family are always so happy

mineallmine Thu 09-Jun-16 00:59:58

June update: the latest fun is doing 'eenie meanie miney mo' to choose who puts her to bed at night. Dh and I have to sit on the couch together while she twirls and points to the winner ;) and we have to be very excited if we're chosen;)

Her little friend B, just turned 6, asked me yesterday if I took her from another mammy in Russia. I was so taken aback. Dd is nowhere near understanding her loss yet so I'm going to talk to friend's mother to try to keep it away from dd til she gets there herself. So much ahead of my poor dd, I wish I could take that future pain away.
She rides her bike with no stabilisers now, flies around the place.
When her brother comes home from school, she greets him with a big hug and says 'Brother.'
She still sleeps with one of us every night, and we're happy to let her for as long as she likes. As my wise mother says, she won't be doing it when she's 14 and you'll be sorry after her when she's gone.
She's still little miss sunshine, loves everything and everyone (but especially her mammy!!!) We count our blessings each and every day. She regularly says 'Weren't you so lucky to get me?'

Just5minswithDacre Thu 09-Jun-16 10:12:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NavyAndWhite Thu 09-Jun-16 14:28:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mineallmine Thu 09-Jun-16 17:19:52

Just5, I don't know how you got the idea I was going to talk to anyone, adult or child, as if they were a naughty child? Or that i wanted to manage anyone? All i want is for dd to ask her questions when she is there emotionally herself, and not to have been led there by her more emotionally mature friends who actually 'get' adoption before she does. Anyway, i spoke to B's mother this morning while they were no children around, told her what had happened and she couldn't have been nicer. She said she was going to bring it up with me because she had been fielding questions and wanted to ask us what was the right way to approach it, what language to use etc. So a lovely chat, a cuppa and noone was scolded or managed.

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