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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Does anyone know about new partners adopting a child?

(17 Posts)
nappyaddict Tue 24-May-11 07:57:07

Firstly do you have to be married to your new partner for them to be able to adopt your child?

If the biological father has never had any contact with your child and wants nothing to do with them and is not on the birth certificate do you have to get their permission before you can start the adoption procedure?

1Catherine1 Tue 24-May-11 10:15:10

No you don't have to be married and you do not necessarily need the fathers permission if for some reason you can't find him.

Take a look at Directgov - adopting a stepchild. Has all the info you need.

Good luck.

1Catherine1 Tue 24-May-11 10:16:59


Directgov - Who can apply for adoption? is a better article and more suitable to what you're looking for.

nappyaddict Tue 24-May-11 10:57:47

OK so I think if he just applied for parental responsibility we need to be married but for adoption we don't, he just needs to be over 21, which he is.

Still not sure about getting permission from DS' Dad though, as I do know where he is. However is he not on the birth certificate, so obviously he has no parental reponsibility to give up.

NanaNina Tue 24-May-11 19:54:10

I think the assessing social worker has a duty to interview the father if his whereabouts are known. A judge can dispense with the consent of the mother (or father in this case) if it is perceived that the parent is withholding consent without good reason. You must be honest with the soc wrk and let them know the father's whereabouts. Seems unlikely he will have any objection.

mrsmon Sat 04-Jun-11 10:06:04

Me and my dh are going through this process but i must admit i have slightly stopped being so active in it! reason being my son would receive an adoption certificate with me as the adoptive mother on it! im slightly uncomfortable with this but dh says im being selfish and that he knows im his mum and so on. i know in the future he's going to see this document and his life may turn upside down if he dosent think im his real mum! am i being daft?

Lilka Sat 04-Jun-11 13:53:41

I assume you're going to tell your son he's been adopted by your husband? And I assume you have a copy of his birth certificate, with your name on it? In which case, your son will know his story and nothing will come as any shock to him at all. Honesty is always the best (and only imo) policy. Besides, you are his mum, you are real. Adoptive mums are real mums the same as you are. Your son will regard you as his mum always, and your husband as his dad, him being adopted by one of you won't change how he feels. I don't see how you could turn his life upside down unless you are planning to tell lies to him, which would be very selfish and wrong

nappyaddict Mon 06-Jun-11 13:59:40

mrsmon What reasons did your DH give the SW for wanting to adopt DS? I know saying so we can make our family complete or something along those lines is not enough. We were told we have to say how DP adopting DS will be beneficial to him, how his life will be improved than if we were to carry on as we are with DP bringing him up anyway but not being his official father. I think it's quite a hard one to answer!

mrsmon Tue 07-Jun-11 10:03:50

We are not planning on telling him lies , just think that something like that may cause upset with him. we will tell him in time but at the moment my dh is his 'dad' as thats all hes ever known.
For me that question was quite easy, my ex partner was very voilent and was sent to prison for kidnapping my son when he was a baby and assaulting myself, he has never had any contact since then and has a new family, my dh and i have been together since my son was 2 , he is now nearly 7 and dosent know any different, we had another son 2 years ago and another on the way and my husband wants my son to have the same rights as the other children and if anything ever happened to me then he would have guardianship over him (he's terrified of that happening) as he see's it my son is his son.
My son is a very happy child and sw can see this so its self explanotory really.

nappyaddict Thu 09-Jun-11 02:03:59

I was told that having the same rights wasn't a "good enough reason" because they can have exactly the same rights by just applying for parental responsibility. Perhaps some areas are stricter than others?

mrsmon Thu 09-Jun-11 12:22:08

Not to sure about the area thing but i know that the PR can be contested by absent parent or any member of their family and i have made it clear to SW that im not intrested in PR becoz of that reason.

titchy Thu 09-Jun-11 12:30:32

I thought things had changed so the adoption cert no longer has the biological parent having to become the adoptive parent as well?

mrsmon Sun 12-Jun-11 11:51:43

yes it still does titchy x

dontsufferfools Sun 12-Jun-11 22:16:08

My dh adopted my son last year and we received a brand new birth

certificate and its not obvious which one of us is the adoptive parent. I

wouldnt have entertained the idea had I been classed as the "adoptive"

parent. The adoption certificate needed for name changes/schools etc still

classes me as the biological parent.

nappyaddict Mon 13-Jun-11 09:51:00

dontsufferfools Can I ask what the circumstances were with your son's biological father? I have been told by a lawyer that step-parent adoptions have been extremely rare since the 80s and usually won't be approved even if there's been absolutely no relationship so far. She said unless that biological father would be an extremely bad influence on the child they don't like to remove the possibility that one day their could be a relationship between biological parent and child.

dontsufferfools Mon 13-Jun-11 21:33:28

My childs father lives abroad and is not on the birth cerificate. Has never seen my son and has never financially contributed. He has NO parental responsibilty whatsoever. However, I was very honest with my social worker and gave them all the information I had about him and his whereabouts.

Social services moved heaven and earth to find him to ask his permission. They searched facebook to find him, which they eventually did (even I cant find him on facebook) they sent him emails which they had translated into his language. They also sent him letters. Luckily, for me he only responded once and although they gave him more chances they never heard from him again.

My DH was interviewed, interviewed and interviewed again by social services. He was CRB checked. AND finally after a year the adoption was approved.

Each case is different. Social services are very thorough and as you have to pay for the service its a risk. But a year down the line, its the best thing we ever did for our son.

nappyaddict Wed 15-Jun-11 02:44:08

I suppose it's the fact that he never responded so was obviously not interested in having future contact? Hopefully DS' biological father will be the same.

Can I ask what reasons you gave for wanting to do the adoption and how you feel your son has benefitted from it? How old was your son when you started and finished the procedure?

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