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What do adopted children say about their adoption?

(61 Posts)
wasthatthatguy Wed 06-Apr-11 11:32:45

I think children removed from their bio-parents at birth or shortly after probably don't have any significant memory of them. But what about children who are eg more than about three years old when adopted. What do they say about their direct contact with their bio-parents having been terminated by adoption?

Maryz Sun 01-May-11 22:52:15

Presumably you have done the reasearch wasthatthatguy? You know for sure that the vast majority of adopted children were in no danger from their birth parents? Can we have the figures to back that up please.

I presume from your last post that all children should stay with their birth parents until serious child abuse occurs, at which stage the police (not the social workers) should be called. Is that right?

Should the police then put the children in the cells until they let the parents out, and then reunite them? Or should they stay in foster care/children's homes until they are 18 and then be put out on the street? I assume you have done the research and have all the answers?

thefirstMrsDeVere Sun 01-May-11 22:55:21

Does everyone know about my new budgie yet?

Maryz Sun 01-May-11 23:01:06

Is that the one you are bringing up using unconditional parenting MrsDV? How is he, can he talk?

<<Reminds self to ignore gobshites>>

thefirstMrsDeVere Sun 01-May-11 23:05:34

He is doing very well thank you Maryz. I havent decided on my chosen method yet. I am waiting to see how his personality develops. One cant rush these things.

He can talk he just choses not to atm. I feel its because he is simply so intelligent we are just not challenging enough for him.

I do fret so.


The perms dropped a bit too. Yay.

Maryz Sun 01-May-11 23:14:41

Yay to the perm grin.

He is obviously highly intelligent and should be given advanced challenges. And put on the g&t list.

It is quite a concern - I mean, what is the future for budgies who don't talk? They might just end up as [shock - horror] family pets instead of fulfilling their potential shock which would be terrible.

Bunglie Mon 02-May-11 00:03:47

Thank you EDAM.

I must be the exception, the miscarriage of justice etc etc etc......
I have had enough. I have no contact with my children now and what the judge said was NEVER implemented by the judge who granted the adoption order. Why does a judge bother when it is the SW who have the say?
Every minute I had with my children, at whatever age was precious. I never harmed either of my children. I spent 25 years of being scared of breaking a gagging order and I feel sick everytime I hear of yet another case like mine.
What about the children?
It does affect them and they do not play the birth parent off against the adopted parent as most birth parents care more about the child that they gave birth to and their feelings and will do nothing to harm them physically or mentally.
Both of my children have been damaged for life.
One has accused the other of sexual abuse for over 6 years in the adoptive parents home.
My dd said " I did not ask for my life".
I did not ask for mine but I have to live with the knowledge that there are FAR TOO MANY miscarriages of justice.
I am fed up of the nature verses nurture debate.
I am fed up of self righteous people telling me that nothing can be done because one mysogistic doctor (Meadows) stated something about me without even speaking or seeing me or my medical notes let alone any doctor who had ever treated me.
Is the current SECRETIVE system in the family courts right? What about the child and the birth parents as we do and should have rights as a lot really are not drunken abusers.

Bunglie Mon 02-May-11 00:10:36

Maryz I do know the figures like many others. It does happen far too frequently, children are removed from loving careing parents to fulfill the needs of a selfish society and gov. figures. Because of this I and countless other parents have to suffer for life.
I have met Earl Howe, Countess Marr and many others. I have communicated with John Hemming and am grateful that somebody cares enough to try to help the many THOUSANDS like me.
I think it is about time you opened your minds to the truth about what is going on in the CLOSED FAMILY COURTS.

Maryz Mon 02-May-11 09:59:13

Bunglie, I followed your story when you were around a few years ago and I really feel for you. The whole Meadows thing seems to have been a complete fiasco, and I feel very sad for you and your children sad.

I have said above that I realise that there are mistakes made, and for those individual children and families it is a tragedy.

If you read my earlier post (Maryz Fri 08-Apr-11 10:27:09), however, you will see the problem I have with whatwasthatguy and his varias aliases in his approach to this.

This is the adoption board, which is populated mainly with adoptive parents. We have no say in whether or not children are "taken" from their parents or "put into care" in any way. Many of us have had to pick up the pieces when trying to raise children who are damaged either by the neglect of their parents, or in some cases the grief of being relinquished by their parents.

It is not appropriate or helpful for him to post on these boards.

None of us are stupid enough to realise that the system has no holes, that there are no inadequate social workers, that there are no mistakes made. But it is really unfair to blame us as adoptive parents for the whole system and try to undermine our position in the lives of the children who we are bringing up as our own.

I sympathise with your situation, but while I feel that individual cases can be mistakes I have to take issue with your last post. Firstly, no-one knows the figures. You can't do. You only know individual cases, you have no access to figures on all cases. So the "50%" that wwtg keeps stating is completely made up. Secondly, the sentence "children are removed from loving careing parents to fulfill the needs of a selfish society and gov. figures" makes me just want to stop listening.

I really, really, really don't believe that children are taken, for absolutely no reason whatsoever, from completely loving familes in order to bump up government figures.

While I am ready to believe there are mistakes made, WWTG (and you, it seems) believes there is a conspiracy to remove children for no reason at all. I will never believe that, so I am leaving this thread now, and I won't be back sad.

I wish you all the best. I wish WWTG would find a more appropriate place for his ranting - we as adoptive parents don't have a say in removing any children from any families, so he is wasting his time on us angry.

johnhemming Fri 06-May-11 22:16:46

Nananina is wrong as she normally is. I post under my own name.

Beamur Fri 06-May-11 22:44:16

Not an area I usually post on - but here goes.
I have several adult friends, including an uncle who were adopted as youngsters, none of whom have, or wish to have contact with their birth parents.
I also have several friends who have adopted children (of varying ages) again, who have no or very limited contact with birth parents - for varying reasons, but some of whom do have contact with other family members, such as siblings.
One friend has 2 boys who did have contact with one of their birth parents, but the experience of doing so was so distressing and hurtful for the children, that the contact has had to be changed to letter contact only to protect the children.
Sad to say, none of the birth parents of these children are able or willing to provide stable, loving homes for these children. I know that some of the now adopted children have spent in excess of 2 years in foster care whilst SS tried to help the birth parents.
In my limited experience, the adopted children do not wish to have contact with the bio-parents. One of my close friends has struggled with issues of personal identity because of the adoption, but loves her adopted parents dearly and does not wish to find her birth parents. The common expression from these individuals is that they regard the adopted parents as their parents, end of.
I know of one girl adopted to a friend where the adoption broke down and the girl did return (as an adolescent) to her birth mother with whom she had had contact, sadly she has had a pretty terrible time of it and still seeks contact and support from her adopted mother on a regular basis when her birth mother lets her down (alcohol related problems).
I don't wish to disrespect any parent who has been unwillingly or unreasonably separated from their child, but in the (limited) experience I have of this matter, the children have been taken from, or given up, by parents who were not able to look after these children. (My uncle was given up for adoption by his birth mother).

lisalovesyou Thu 17-Oct-13 22:35:52

very sadly my baby daughter was adopted im not going to tell of all the details but this started from her father was sposed to of sexually harmed her. I then went to get a second opinion and ss decided I had gone into denial which was not true but I need ed to no the truth for my daughter when she was older. any way to cut a very long and sad story short my daughter was put into care where I was able to see her all the time but then it was all very distressing for her being very confused any way things went from bad to worse. any way what im trying to say is that this case was a serious case of misjustice. so yes it does happen as im living proof. I would like to say even tho I don't like what has happened I don't feel any bad feeling to the adopters I hope to meet them and thank them as long as my daughter has been well cared for and loved. xx

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