So I can't be the only one who - amidst the lovely, supportive friends during the years of doctoral study - had some bullying jerks in my programme. For me it was two male students who would tear strips off me in seminars, order me to do admin work for them, took credit for my ideas, exclude me physically from group discussion by etc. I was not yet a bolshy feminist much shyer and less certain of myself then, and just took all the abuse and would go home and cry. It took me years and a permanent lectureship in the department that scored second highest in my discipline in the REF before I stopped thinking of them, and cowering at my own imposter-ness, every single day.
Anyway.
To my amazement, I have just gotten an email from one of these jerks. He is working in a university I have never heard of in a country several time zones away that doesn't have a brilliant reputation in my discipline. He has the chance to get a lovely grant from his institution that would pay me a nice little stipend, plus travel and accommodation, to come out to this country to do a very easy thing. The email is a steaming mess of fulsome praise gushing about how wonderful this opportunity would be, pretending we are nothing but old friends, and sidestepping the elephant in the room: that the very easy thing is very easy for me because it is directly in my field of specialisation and I do it every semester, but he is not an expert in this field (despite him trying to move into it) and so it would not be very easy for him to do at all.
I would love to visit this country. An extra bonus bit of cash would be very nice as well. But the prospect of even being in the same room with this guy means that he could be offering a trip to the moon and a million dollars and I'd still be turning him down.
After some thought about how I could respond to his invitation in perfectly polite terms while still conveying the underlying message of "fuck off to the far side of fuck and when you get there, fuck off some more", I have come up with this:
As tempting a prospect as it is to work closely with you, I have decided to decline the invitation.
OK, so it is not as waspish as it could be, but that's because he could well pass it on to other people. And I need plausible deniability. But if you got this, even if you were arrogant to the point of self-delusion, wouldn't it make you do a bit of a double take?
Other fantasy - or reality - smackdowns you have delivered to the people who were horrid to you in graduate school?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Academic common room
Best smackdowns for people who were awful to you in graduate school
8 replies
SomePig · 23/01/2017 00:18
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.