I finished my PhD last year and after a short period working in a non-academic job, I've managed to secure a 12 month research assistant job with an academic I really like and is well regarded.
On paper I should be pleased, but I just feel very down and devoid of energy, lonely isolated and like I'm teetering on the edge of collapse and I've only just started the job. (About 7 weeks in.)
I'm living in a different city to my employing institution and the PI so being isolated isn't helping much. I don't have an office so don't have any network around me.
The fact I can work from home is both a curse and a blessing. I've suffered from depression in the past and it feels like I'm teetering on the edge, but in the past there's been an obvious trigger that's sent me spiralling down. This time there's no obvious cause and I should be happy positive and motivated, but I feel none of these things. I don't understand why, I've worked so long and wanted it so much that I almost feel like I'm betraying or sabotaging myself.
I also worry that if I seek treatment for depression again or tell anyone it will look like a reoccurring pattern and evidence of my flakiness, inability to cope under pressure and unsuitability for this type of work and will imperil both this job and future employment.
I realise no one as a magic bullet, but I needed to tell someone this and wondered if anyone has been through anything similar?
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Posdoc blues: Feel depressed and down but can't fathom why.
6 replies
LikeDylanInTheMovies · 28/09/2016 12:18
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