Men!

[tillykins]

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men
think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you
to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in
touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a
man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not
what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to
sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a
nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with
her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.. She couldn't decide which one to take
so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I
said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair
of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave
short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet
when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's
fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with
excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all> dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with
my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just
when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I
am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

[jessicaandbumpsmummy]

PMSL!

[tatt]

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.???

"I'd love to be eight again." she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl
of Coco Pops, and then took her off to the local theme park.

What a day!

He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear,
the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling
and her stomach felt upside down.

Right away, they journeyed to a McDonald's where her loving husband
ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing Chocolate
shake.

Then it was off to the movies: the latest Star Wars epic, a hotdog,
popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, and her favourite lolly and M&M's.

What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed
exhausted.

He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked,
"Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?"

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

"I meant my dress size, you fckin twt"

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it
wrong.

[tatt]

and another one

www.jokes123.com/hotjokes/hotjokes4/evolution.htm