I’m in a total headfuck mess over food and need to talk to someone

[Sparklydiplodocus]

I think the origin of this is probably my mother, who ate a shit load of chocolate when she was down, and then starved herself to get stick thin, then proceeded to slag off people who were over a size 10.

I’ve naturally got curvy hips and a butt. Even at my thinnest I had to buy size 12 knickers.

When I was 16 I gave up eating over distress re living on my miserable family home, and decided to just stop. I think I remember wishing someone would notice and care. They didn’t. I ended up in hospital at 6 stone and was in for several weeks til I put weight on.

The times when I lost a bit of weight as an adult, my mum was ecstatic, even telling me how she had shared the great news with my aunts. So embarrassing.

So here I am at age 42. I’m a size 14-16. I feel disgusting. I’m on antidepressants which I think contribute to my weight but I’m also always craving sugar, so have it and then beat myself up.

I’ve given up wheat as I think it gives me reflux. I adore cheese but I’m trying not to eat it because it makes me fat and I feel bad for cow’s welfare. I feel gross about eggs and egg products. I also read too much and watched too much about how various foods are terrible for us and how eating this way or that way will prolong life or avoid illness. I’ve got myself in a corner where I’m struggling to find things to eat.

I keep having to fill up on cereal.

I’m in such a mess and feel so bad about my weight (10.4 stone).

I don’t know what to do anymore. Thank you for listening.

[Ofnoteandnightmares]

Sounds like you need to reset your entire relationship with food - read The Diet Myth by Professor Tim Spector. It helps to clear your mind of all the bullshit we’re collectively fed around food, and helps with understanding why our bodies need certain things for health and function etc etc And that includes cheese!

[Sparklydiplodocus]

Thank you!

[bonzo77]

The problem is not your weight or your diet. It’s your head. Therapy is what will help. There’s no diet advice that will help you. You’re not silly. You know what you need to do but you can’t.

I could tell you what’s helped me. It was a lot of therapy. About separating myself from my mother. As it happens I am on antidepressants too. The two compliment each other.