Tips for surviving the mundane grind of motherhood?

[CastMeAdrift]

I enjoy being a mum. I like doing crafts and baking and going on beach walks with them. I love seeing their personalities develop and emerge. And I love them so much it hurts sometimes.

But, my god. The daily grind is getting to me. The school run, the what to cook for dinner the cleaning, the washing, the squabbling, the hobby organising, the lunch box, the homework etc etc.

My weeks pass in a blur fitting it all around work. My DH is good and does his share of school runs and hobby ferrying, does washing and shopping etc. though I definitely the most of the life admin and he’s so shit at clearing up anything that’s not in the kitchen.

What are your tips to survive this period of my life? Or simple solidarity will do. I know it won’t last forever but mine are 3 and 6 so a while to go. I know there is no magic solution. I can’t throw money at it sadly. All I have is a cleaner once a fortnight which doesn’t make a difference as the place is instantly trashed, but at least I know the bathroom has had a scrub!

[Avarua]

Getting a job...
[Sorry. It worked for me]

[MrsKDB]

Mine are 14 and 11, I have a job, and am still so over it. I might serve plain pasta for dinner every day for a week just to get a break.

[MeltedButter]

I'm here for solidarity. My boys are 4 and 1. The school run is so annoying for me on the days I have the little one with us, it's slightly too far to walk so getting the little one in and out of car and in and out of buggy means at least 1 tantrum per pick up on drop off.

My one little tip is that I only cook every other day but cook enough for the next day too. I know it means it's a bit samey but I just can't find the time to cook every day as I have to do it when little one naps other wise it's totally stressful.

Are you having enough childfree time?

I need to get back into yoga, I used to go to a class once a week on a weekday evening.

[ratussbaguss]

I don't think there is much that helps in all honesty.

If you can't get a job you defo need something that's just for you, something meaningful that you value and can work towards in some way.

Lower your standards in most areas so you do a bit less.

Nut through until they leave home then you'll reminisce about how wonderful it was...

[CastMeAdrift]

I have a job! Work 32 hours a week which I enjoy and definitely helps. I’d have gone mad long ago without a job. But like MrsKDB said I’m just over the grind of it all.

We do the every other day cooking mostly but even then I get fed up trying to think of things to cook that my kids will eat. Just cooking the same things every week is so depressing. DH and I used to eat all sorts of weird and wonderful meals pre kids. But I haven’t got the energy to cook for kids and then us later most of the time. When I do get the chance to cook up a storm in the kitchen I love it. Makes me a bit sad my once hobby is now another chore.

[MeltedButter]

@ratussbaguss @Avarua I think OP has a job

*My weeks pass in a blur fitting it all around work"

[Cyw2018]

Plan your time well and be disciplined, so that you achieve all your housework/admin efficiently and then allocate yourself days off that are completely yours.

Get some wireless headphones and listen to podcasts or audiobooks when you are cleaning, cooking, school run etc, when the kids aren't with you.

[Cyw2018]

Posted before seeing that you are working almost full time.

Work out how much family admin/ housework/ school admin/ school holiday care etc is falling on to you, and whether this needs to be shared out more fairly.

[ratussbaguss]

Sorry - missed that. Well, I have even less advice for you then 😂 its all just quite shit and I feel you. It blows my mind when I think about how women used to do all this stuff but without dishwashers and the convenience of smartphones etc... it's just monotonous. I try to cling onto the joyful moments and robot through the rest 🤷🏼‍♀️

[whatamilookingfor]

Massive solidarity OP - I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown about all this a last month. This might sound strange but what has really helped me is having friends over. Someone to cook for who is genuinely appreciative and good company. Weekends because week nights are a bit hectic. But it's cheered me up massively. They need to be tolerant of kids tho.

[DebbieHarrysCheekbones]

Imagine you’re on your own with them every day and night
Add another
That’s me


Made me realise how much I must love them.

You’ll be fine it will pass
The working out what to cook them is just bloody awful

[Comedycook]

Mine are 11/13 and the endless drudgery and housework and running round after them is still going on...ffs!

[Icannever]

Someone I know has a couple of weekly menus which are just alternated so she always knows what to buy and cook but nothings repeated toooo often.
It wouldn’t work for me because I’m not that disciplined but it must be nice not having to think what will I make for dinner 😀. I make a massive pot of soup at the beginning of the week for lunches, that helps a bit.
My one thing I wish I had done at those ages was to bug them less stuff and less clothes. The less there is the easier it is to put it all away. Instead of lots of toys for Christmas buy them special days out, a soft play or zoo pass, a trip etc etc
I did not follow my own advice and now I have piles of Lego and playmobil I am not allowed to throw away as it has sentimental value 😳

[tinymeteor]

Solidarity. I know exactly how you feel. Those groundhog days when putting the same damn plates in the frigging dishwasher feels like the last straw.

I recommend giving yourself the odd day off from being a good parent. Crummy food, and as much tv and iPad as they can withstand. Sod the homework and the admin. Kick back and do as you please.

[thelegohooverer]

Systems wherever possible. Reduce as many things to a formula as you can - eg

1. meal plan and prep (Mondays are chicken breast, then rotate through 4 versions of chicken - fajita, Alfredo, curry, stir fry; Tuesdays are mince - bolognese/chilli/savoury/burgers. Etc. base it on what your family like.
   I prep meat, and sauces and freeze along with frozen veg. It doesn’t feel repetitive but it’s formulaic.
   
   2)Lunch boxes - sandwiches, with lettuce and soft fruit/veg early in week switching to wraps and hard fruit/veg, plus yogurt and cheese. Bread and soft produce go off faster than apples and wraps.
   
   
2. dc clothes - if you can buy within a colour scheme so you have 6 pairs of leggings and 6 tops that can be interchanged and still look put together. Add a couple of zippy fleece tops. That’s a simple uniform and it’s easy for the dc to pick and put on by themselves.
   
   
   Also
   Split jobs with your partner so that each of you take responsibility for everything about that job. Eg if you cook, then do all the shop, prep, planning, storage as well. The other partner can help cook or shop but doesn’t make decisions. But they might take responsibility for clothes - washing, drying, ironing, hanging, dressing kids, decluttering, mending, buying bigger sizes, checking shoes etc. Leave the other partner to get on with it without criticism or interference.
   
   Keep a family calendar.
   
   Don’t overschedule. When they’re little there’s this huge pressure to get them started as early as possible on music/dance/self defence/gym/swimming etc. time is only of the essence here if you’re planning on getting them to the olympics, otherwise there’s nothing lost in slowing down.

[Cattipuss]

Yes I agree, we try to make the boring but important bits as easy as possible- meal plans, shop online, lunchboxes the night before whilst tea is cooking, calendar on kitchen wall with all activities on, get DH to take on some of the mental admin.

[CuteOrangeElephant]

Maybe try one of those recipe boxes like Hello Fresh? It works for us when we feel bored with food and the recipes are generally quick.

[blowtheroofoff]

Get a hobby. Something that gets you out the house, maybe one night a week.
Evening class - craft related?
Rock choir?
Sports club?
You'll really bake that time and it'll set you up well for when they are older and more independent

[blowtheroofoff]

Bake ?!!!
I meant value!
Autocorrect is weird

[GoodnightGrandma]

Going back to work helped me. It gave me ‘me’ time, and people said thank you to me, unlike at home !

[MarvEll]

@thelegohooverer your meal prep is genius. I'm going to make my own based on this 🙏

[Cyw2018]

Can you afford school dinner's? My DD has school dinners on the days she goes to preschool which takes the pressure off dinner time at home as she can take or leave what I cook and have a snack instead (she always eats much better at lunchtime than 5pm anyway).

[NoSquirrels]

I wish I could remember where I read it, because it really resonated. But the gist was

There’s a difference between ‘mothering/parenting’ and ‘care of children’. One is emotional, nurturing and takes a different energy to the thing that is basically process - the tasks that must be done to keep dependants alive.

It was in a discussion about SAHP/WOHP/WAHP and was sharp about how you can outsource dat-to-day caring tasks to others as a WOHP but you’re always parenting - you’re never not ‘on’ emotionally.

The grind is real. The trick is in outsourcing to the other parent, or another caregiver, and working smart not hard. Focusing on the proper stuff that’s important - beach walks etc - and having systems that run for the less important so your energy isn’t on that stuff.

That said, I fully resonate with the used to love cooking but now it’s a chore, though.

[Heruka]

I doubt there’s anything you can do about this but one thing that helps me is my school run is a walk through a beautiful park. When it’s terrible weather I sometimes do cave and use the car but I tend to regret it, even though I don’t feel like it, the walk usually makes me feel better. I also go through spurts of running, currently redoing couch to 5k - really good for the soul.

Also I recently decided to get out of the rut of eating dull meals at the behest of tiny dictators, and have been making much more of what I like. Sometimes they have tried things I would expect but I always include something they will eat, however basic, and they can eat fruit and toast if they haven’t filled up.

I feel the relentlessness for sure and think we need to find ways to suit ourselves more - makes life better for everyone in the family when mum is fulfilled and happy.

[LittleOverWhelmed]

The eating gets better. Keep pushing the boundaries. I found that some times DS refused to try new foods, then suddenly he’d try a number and they would be added to his diet. At 11 he eats most things (although not so great on veg variety or potatoes!). He loves sushi, any foreign cuisine, even ate chicken hearts a couple of years back (despite DH and I refusing 😂). It will get better! Just keep trying…

What hobbies did you do before kids? Any sports? Exercise? Swimming? Anything that you wanted to try, but haven’t yet? I took up tennis at 47 - complete beginner.

Do you and DH go out on dates? Can you do that.

What about girlfriends? Do you get out with them? Coffee and cake and a walk? Needn’t be a boozy evening 😁.