Husband is an alcoholic

(13 Posts)
Glax Wed 27-Oct-21 21:51:48

My husband is an alcoholic.
He worked so hard this last year. He worked on his fitness, took loads of self help courses and for the 1st time in years was so happy. He is tomorrow having the interview of his life for the job he has worked always wanted.
Just before we went on holiday I had a feeling he had started drinking, I asked him and he did the usual denials and made me think I was being silly. We went on holiday and at one point he looked drunk, couldn’t walk and was acting strange. I asked him was he OK, had he been drinking and I got the usual abuse.
We came back from holiday and be went back to full drinking. Hiding the drink, so drunk but pretending he wasn’t. He was rude and called me the most terrible names, (this is a sure fire sign he has been drinking)
So over the last 2 weeks he has slowly got worse, he is started to drink during the day and getting louder when on the phone to work.
So tonight he is in bed, he can’t move, has threatened to burn the house down and all the other stuff he does.
His episodes are really bad, and normally get a lot worse before he literally stops! And I mean just stops!
I am fed up with the constant verbal abuse.
I have been with him for 25 years but things are really going to get worse. And I am not even sure how bad things are going to
Get. This time I am scared

OP’s posts: |
mdh2020 Wed 27-Oct-21 22:08:48

Sorry but you have to leave for your own safety. There’s no other advice to give you. You just need to remember -
You didn’t cause it
You can’t control it
You can’t cure it.
Only he can do anything about his drinking and you shouldn’t be in a situation where you are subjected to abuse and are frightened for your safety.

supercalifragilicious Wed 27-Oct-21 22:26:16

You need to get help. Not for him, for yourself. There are resources you can find online, through Alcoholics Anonymous you can connect to others in the same situation and get advice.
You can't and you should not live like this. Something has to happen, don't you agree?
What are you scared of?

Glax Wed 27-Oct-21 22:29:53

I have been trying to leave for years.
I have stayed to help him. But each episode gets worse.
I asked him to leave a while ago and he did. He went to a hotel and got so drunk that we ended up having to call the police as he went missing. He threatened to kill himself if he couldn’t come back. He came back and got clean.
The house mortgage is nearly paid off, I don’t work and have no access to any of our money. I trusted him! Silly me!

OP’s posts: |
supercalifragilicious Wed 27-Oct-21 22:48:45

Maybe someone will correct me here, I am not a lawyer but I believe as his wife you are entitled to a portion of his earnings, whether you worked or not. If the house was to be sold you are also entitled to a portion of the money from the sale. You should definitely get some legal advice about this, even if you are not leaving him just yet. There's free legal advice available through the citizens advice. Book am appointment and try to find out about your options.

BritInAus Wed 27-Oct-21 23:14:33

You poor thing. I hear you. I left my alcoholic partner last year - hardest but best thing I ever did. They passed away 9 months later from liver failure.

Honestly - get out. It will be the best thing you can ever do.
You can't change him. Only he can do that.

Life is short and precious. Don't waste another day on this man.

Andante57 Wed 27-Oct-21 23:22:01

Op please go to Al Anon. You will find help and support from people who have had similar experiences.
You can find a meeting near you online.

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something2say Thu 28-Oct-21 10:17:25

I think you could go down with this sinking ship. He's at the helm, and he's drunk and steering wildly off course.

It will be a worry, to leave, but the alternative is that you give your life over to episodes like this, and they just get worse.

I feel for you, but it's time to really consider splitting xxx

Tallisimo Thu 28-Oct-21 10:25:54

You can’t help him. The experience of the last however many years should show you this. You have a choice here - to stay, as you have done, and see what’s left crumble around you, or leave him, and grasp the chance of a new life for you.

I’m sure Al-anon could help out with advice. And you will be entitled to a percentage of the proceeds of any house sale, his pension, etc. I recommend you see a solicitor, find out what you are entitled to and get the divorce ball roll.

KingRoloIV Thu 28-Oct-21 15:00:57

You’re getting some good advice here.
25 years is a loong time to be putting up with this.
How about some time for you and what you want 💐

SummerOrAutumn Thu 28-Oct-21 15:10:32

I grew up with an alcoholic father. He made my and my DM's (and later step mother's) lives a misery. He constantly blamed all of us for his shortcomings. It was mostly my fault, apparently confused. Eventually he drank himself to death.

Alcoholics can be manipulative lying bastards who twist the truth and turn others against you. I would suggest not wasting another second of your life on him OP. Walk away now.

FOJN Thu 28-Oct-21 16:36:57

Call Al Anon, link below. It's run by people affected by others drinking and for their benefit. The people who answer the phones will all have experienced something similar to you. If nothing else it will help you to feel less alone. As others have said, you did not cause this and you cannot fix it. It's time to put yourself first, your husband isn't going to because he can't.

www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

MissConductUS Thu 28-Oct-21 16:43:31

I have been with him for 25 years but things are really going to get worse. And I am not even sure how bad things are going to Get.

It's a progressive disease. I'm a recovering alcoholic (27 years sober) and I think you should leave if he won't seek help. I also recommend al-anon.

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