When do you know you’re ready for parenthood?

(25 Posts)
Beachybeach Thu 21-Oct-21 19:30:19

I’ve been broody since I was a teenager and always melted at the sight of babies. I’ve always been the mothering type and the first to offer to babysit nieces/nephews/cousins etc.

I’ve worked in child related roles, had a kinship arrangement to a younger member of the family and been a full time carer.

I’ve been moaning to DP for a couple of years how much I want my ‘own’ and now he’s wanting us to start trying.

Since he’s mentioned that he’s more than happy for us to start trying I’m scared shitless. We’ve got our own house, good salaries each, good place career wise and doing quite well in life.

I’m not sure if it’s coming out of lockdown and everything opening back up again (having fomo of missing festivals/girls holidays/nights out etc).

We have a decent plan of us both splitting the childcare bill and doing 50% of the childcare/house work/life admin but I’ve got cold feet.

Anyone else felt this way?

OP’s posts: |
ThirdElephant Thu 21-Oct-21 19:35:54

Ever have a lie in-on a Saturday morning and think, 'Urgh, a Saturday lie-in! I really wish I had a small version of myself shrieking, 'Mummy! Get UP!' so I could go and watch them refuse to eat the breakfast cereal I ill-advisedly let them pick?'

If so, you're ready!

grin

I joke of course. Wouldn't be without them. But definitely don't rush into it if you're not sure- it is SUCH a lifestyle change.

Incywinceyspider Thu 21-Oct-21 19:36:10

I don't think I ever truly felt ready. I mean I did in the sense that it seemed like the right time. We had a stable relationship, decent jobs and a roof over our heads. But my first thought on seeing a positive pregnancy test was "oh shit", and that was after 6 months of trying to conceive! It was absolutely the right decision though! DS is the best thing that ever happened to either of us.

Then we decided to have a second. Again spent 6 months trying, got pregnant and my first thought was still "oh shit"!

What you're feeling is completely normal!

JudgementalCactus Thu 21-Oct-21 19:38:30

How old are you?

SummerHouse Thu 21-Oct-21 19:39:01

This is so normal. It's a sign you will be a fabulous mum. Doubting and second guessing yourself is one of the main aspects of the job criteria. wink

Ihaveoflate Thu 21-Oct-21 19:46:27

I never felt ready and I'm not sure anything can quite prepare you for the massive life changes parenthood brings.

I do think a rock solid relationship is necessary to weather the initial storm. We'd been together for 10 years and were as solid as any couple could be, but a tricky newborn and severe PND tested us to the limit.

SlB09 Thu 21-Oct-21 19:50:09

Like PP, whenever it is you'll see that positive test result and think..... Shit! No right time etc you just have to be prepared to put your life on the back burner for a while

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Isababybel Thu 21-Oct-21 19:52:18

I would say if you have cold feet then dont do it (for now at least) because once youve got one there really is no going back .
As soon as i turned 30 i went from being on the fence, to suddenly REALLY wanting one and it was all i could think about. I swear mother nature gets into your brain like a parasite.
Sadly i realise now it was a mistake, i had/still have pnd and am really not cut out for motherhood and i long for a time machine most days...
I do love my dd but just really had no idea what i was in for

JetRocket Thu 21-Oct-21 19:55:34

Wanna simulate parenthood? grin
Here is your 1 week plan to tell you if you’re ready.

-Join 5-6 VERY active group WhatsApp’s and change your alert tone to a shrill shriek. Always full volume.
- Listen to peppa pig on repeat for 5-6 hours per day
- Strap a bag of flour to your chest and wear oven gloves whilst doing any and all house work
- limit your morning shower to 8 minutes and only whilst listening to peppa pig.
- make 2-3 pretty and nutritional meals per day- throw them on the kitchen floor then clean them up.
- obtain a sleeping bag, then try to repack it into its cover case twice a day with a 2 minute timer set
- make yourself a yummy treat, ‘share’ half of it with the bin. In fact share everything you eat with the bin. You only get half your food now.
- drink your tea/coffee from a tea spoon (microwave it as many times as needed to reheat it)

FreeBritnee Thu 21-Oct-21 20:00:13

For me it was when I was no longer interested in myself. For a long time I was a selfish arsehole but I hit 35 and suddenly realised I was ready to stop thinking of myself and instead channel my energy into someone else.

ThirdElephant Thu 21-Oct-21 20:04:53

JetRocket

Wanna simulate parenthood? grin
Here is your 1 week plan to tell you if you’re ready.

-Join 5-6 VERY active group WhatsApp’s and change your alert tone to a shrill shriek. Always full volume.
- Listen to peppa pig on repeat for 5-6 hours per day
- Strap a bag of flour to your chest and wear oven gloves whilst doing any and all house work
- limit your morning shower to 8 minutes and only whilst listening to peppa pig.
- make 2-3 pretty and nutritional meals per day- throw them on the kitchen floor then clean them up.
- obtain a sleeping bag, then try to repack it into its cover case twice a day with a 2 minute timer set
- make yourself a yummy treat, ‘share’ half of it with the bin. In fact share everything you eat with the bin. You only get half your food now.
- drink your tea/coffee from a tea spoon (microwave it as many times as needed to reheat it)

Woah, woah, woah- hang on.

8 minutes to shower?!

You lucky git.

allfurcoatnoknickers Thu 21-Oct-21 20:21:16

I'm still not ready and I have a 2 year old grin.

Hayup Thu 21-Oct-21 20:51:22

Dd is 5. I'd say I'll probably ready for parenthood when she's 25 😆 (and to be honest probably not then!)

Being scared shitless is normal. When you're TTC sex changes, it's not just all about the fun stuff, you're actually trying to make a baby (and I don't care what anyone else says it's definitely in the back of your mind)

Then you spend money to pee on a stick (or several) and depending on whether there's one line or two being giddy or gutted.

For 9 months (which feels like 9 years) your body goes to pot. Then a baby pops out (awww) and you get to take it home. This is A HUGE thing. They let you walk out of the hospital with a CHILD.

Nothing has ever terrified me as much as the realisation that we were now responsible for our beautiful tiny baby girl.

My life changed completely the second I saw those two lines appear. I was 41. Those years have gone in the blink of an eye.

Nothing prepares you for it, it is such a rollercoaster and I can't imagine life without her now. even if I can never have 5 minutes peace and quiet

Oh - and you do still get to be Beachybeach, I'm a far better Mum when I get to be Hayup for a few hours or days. It's so important to keep doing the things you love and being with your friends.

Best of luck 😊

MoseSchrute Thu 21-Oct-21 21:17:19

JetRocket

Wanna simulate parenthood? grin
Here is your 1 week plan to tell you if you’re ready.

-Join 5-6 VERY active group WhatsApp’s and change your alert tone to a shrill shriek. Always full volume.
- Listen to peppa pig on repeat for 5-6 hours per day
- Strap a bag of flour to your chest and wear oven gloves whilst doing any and all house work
- limit your morning shower to 8 minutes and only whilst listening to peppa pig.
- make 2-3 pretty and nutritional meals per day- throw them on the kitchen floor then clean them up.
- obtain a sleeping bag, then try to repack it into its cover case twice a day with a 2 minute timer set
- make yourself a yummy treat, ‘share’ half of it with the bin. In fact share everything you eat with the bin. You only get half your food now.
- drink your tea/coffee from a tea spoon (microwave it as many times as needed to reheat it)

Wait wait……21 weeks pregnant here. I’ve got to SHARE my food with mini me eventually? I didn’t sign up for that. Can you say no!?

WheelieBinPrincess Thu 21-Oct-21 21:27:03

I felt ready, and at 35 had worked in teaching then nannying small children for 13 years.

I would have happily left my five week old baby outside the local fire station in the early hours of this morning. Nothing can prepare you for five weeks of piss all sleep with a colicky baby, and nipples so chafed from his tongue tie that they were basically weeping open sores. Nothing. They use sleep torture in Gautamomo Bay to break in prisoners, I think he broke me on week 2.

It was a particularly bad night where he would just not go the fuck to sleep even more than usual. I’ve kept him for now because he had an hour of being quite sweet and smiled at me.

RiderGirl Thu 21-Oct-21 21:29:34

You're never really ready, and there's never really a "right" time when you think about it logically. Thank fuck we have hormones that take away all rationality otherwise I don't think anyone would willingly have a baby, they bugger up everything - your career, your finances, your social life, your body and often your mental health, sometimes your home and maybe even your relationship. I've got 2, my god I love them but at times it's been SO tough for one reason or another. Eldest is nearly 20 now and the teen years were worse than baby years by a long shot. And the worst thing is you get no thanks, you invest all your time and love into them and then they turn around and tell you they hate you. Oh the joys!

furbabymama87 Thu 21-Oct-21 21:33:57

I don't think it's anything to do with money and owning a house. Those things may make it easier but don't provide the skills needed to be a parent. If you are a good parent you'll be a good parent in a rented house on low income. And I don't think the circumstances are ever perfect. Most people just have a baby and make it work by adapting their lives to their children.

Titsywoo Thu 21-Oct-21 21:55:59

Probably best not to overthink it! grin. Both my kids were happy accidents and we were not in the best place financially to have kids but we made it work although it was hard at times. Now they are teens and we are in our own home with good jobs, comfortably well off and very happy and I wouldn't change anything. You'll be fine just go for it.

MouseholeCat Thu 21-Oct-21 22:39:33

I'm 39 weeks after 3 miscarriages and going to a fertility clinic... I still don't feel ready! But I'm extremely glad to be where I'm at and I can't wait to meet our daughter.

There's also no massive rush to start though. Perhaps give yourself 6 months or something before you dive into trying?

When we first discussed having a baby my DH agreed we were getting there but also asked if we could wait another 6 months before we started trying. I don't regret that time at all because it gave us time to just be adults together for a little longer.

Beachybeach Fri 22-Oct-21 18:32:55

Thank you all for your comments, an absolute range of answers but all good to think upon.

PP mentioned about hormones and mine went into overdrive the past year or so. Being on birth control and praying that I was the one percent that it failed. A few months ago I actually cried that I had came on.

I guess these nerves and second guessing is natural and not something I should slam on the breaks and reverse.

OP’s posts: |
Hattie765 Fri 22-Oct-21 18:34:33

We have 2 preschoolers and I'm still not sure we're ready for kids sorry!

SleepQuest33 Fri 22-Oct-21 18:39:28

Are you ready to be a slave to another younger completely dependent human being for the foreseeable future?
If the answer is yes, then you’re ready! 😁

Eeiliethya Fri 22-Oct-21 19:08:31

Ha! I THOUGHT I was ready.

Oh how naive I was.

Even getting home from the hospital. I was just looking at this tiny person in my living room thinking fuck now what do I do... grin

But then you get into swing of it a bit and all of a sudden you realise that you can't imagine life without them here. Occasionally wish for Bernards Watch on a Sunday morning but on the whole you adapt.

Cam2020 Fri 22-Oct-21 19:39:51

I knew when the allure of clubs, bars and dinners several times a week wore off. I hit my mid 30s and felt a sense of ennui. I think before then I would have felt FOMO.

LadyCleathStuart Fri 22-Oct-21 20:27:56

It's the great unknown really. So many variables and it just doesn't come down to steady jobs etc. You don't know what type of baby you will get - mine were on opposite ends of the spectrum, baby one was so easy I thought I was simply just an awesome mother....had no idea it was just luck until baby two was born and she broke me before we had even left the hospital.

Having experience with other people's children is nothing like having your own.

You will hear people telling you how hard it can be but your brain whispers "thats just them, it won't be hard for you ...."

Then you have a baby and it is hard and you try to warn others but they don't believe you then the cycle continues.

Like pp has said, best not to over think it.

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