Should I let DD's boyfriend move in?

[KnotnowDear]

DD is 19 and her boyfriend is 20. He is absolutely lovely and has been very good for her. DD has BPD (fully diagnosed and on medication) and is quite hard work.

We moved back to the UK a year ago due to Covid and at the same time I separated from her father.

She has been with her boyfriend for nearly a year and they see each other every day. She needs a lot of emotional support and her boyfriend, 'Samuel' has really supported her in this time and I like him a great deal. He also helps around the house and is a refreshing change from the BPD dramas I have with DD.

He is obviously still young but pays for his own flat and has a full time job. DD is doing her A levels quite late after repeating 2 years due to her mental health issues.

They have asked if he can move in so he stops spending all of his money on rent and can save for a car/further education in his field.

What are your thoughts? I've just got out of a really challenging relationship due to living overseas and have been relishing my freedom back in the UK and I have a pretty challenging job. The two of them seem to want a lot of parenting, with meals and clothes washing on tap.

My gut feeling is to let him move in - with the risk that DD will BPD him and try to kick him out after a row. I'd like to support him in his further education by not charging rent plus put down ground rules on council tax, fuel bills and food/cooking.

What do you think?

[Mariell]

No.

They are very young and it will make life so much more difficult if one or the other want to split.

My daughter at that age had the most wonderful boyfriend who was like a son to me and I used to let him stay over but would not have allowed him to live here if they had asked.

[Mammaaof]

What if they split up? Could you kick him out into the street? X

[lastqueenofscotland]

Absolutely not.
Especially not if they want looking after like little children. Fuck that.
What will happen if they break up/your DD is annoyed and wants him out for a bit?

[newnameswhothis]

Does he have parents he could potentially move back in with if anything happened to the relationship?

Provided that there was that safety net that you would never have to effectively make him homeless then I would consider it.

[newnameswhothis]

But to add I would not be providing the parenting aspect, your not running a hotel.

[Cocopogo]

Sounds like your DD will need the space from him. I would but I’d want a very clear plan on what happens when he needs to leave

[OnlyFlans]

No way would I let him move in.

Sounds like they'd expect you to parent, cook, clean etc for them and if they have arguments or split up it will be a nightmare.

[Ughmaybenot]

Absolutely not. He could stay over, no problem, but why on earth should you fund his life so he can save?? Not really how the whole ‘being an adult’ thing works.

[Savoretti]

God no
18 and a relationship less than a year
They may think it’s serious but it’s unlikely

[HotSauceCommittee]

Don't do it.
There was a thread on here the other week with the daughter being horrific to her mum and stepdad.
I recommend you find that thread and read it.

[Embracelife]

No.
He is not your child.
Unless you have a massive house with annex he can rent from you

[Mum2jenny]

I’d probably do it, but with provisos.

If it didn’t work out, I’d like the bf to leave with no hassle.

However my dd did have a bf living with us for a few years, but it did have its own limitations, ie not being together any more!!

[Orangejuicemarathoner]

no. It will all go wrong very fast

[user1471538283]

Oh good god no. He is not your responsibility.

[GettingItOutThere]

no

she can stay at his surely? then you get a break too?

just to reiterate; god NO!! bad bad idea!

[lynxca16]

No, don't do this - its not fair to her or her boyfriend.

[VladmirsPoutine]

No. I can't believe you are entertaining this!

[PersonaNonGarter]

No, but continue being really welcoming.

[Palavah]

The two of them seem to want a lot of parenting, with meals and clothes washing on tap.

No

[00100001]

Big fat no.

[00100001]

Where are his parents? Why aren't they the ones to be supporting his further education?

[Hen2018]

No.

[Aquamarine1029]

Shocking you would even consider this. Your daughter is only 19, ffs, and has her whole life ahead of her. She does not need to be saddled with a live-in boyfriend at her age. She should be allowed to be completely selfish and focused on herself, not a partner.

[DoesHePlayTheFiddle]

No.

[timeisnotaline]

The two of them seem to want a lot of parenting, with meals and clothes washing on tap.
No adult moves into my house who wants parenting. If you do this ground rules are cooking set days a week, money towards food, all their own washing, sheets and towels washed and room vacuumed weekly or fortnightly as per your schedules, if they have their own bathroom they clean it weekly. You can’t do this unless you switch the relationship to adults cohabiting under a roof. Rent and utilities free is enough of a gift.