DH says I've broken his trust

(145 Posts)
StripyTShirt Thu 16-Sep-21 14:22:21

I went to a music festival last weekend, got a bit drunk and went back to one of my oldest friends for drinks and a catch up. We talked all night (we've both just recently lost parents). I got home around 2pm the next day.

Genuinely nothing else happened. DH said what I have done is the same as cheating and I have broken his trust. I would never cheat on him, I love him more than anything and he has been my absolute rock since I lost my dad.

I know I shouldn't have stayed out that long and I have apologized and promised it won't happen again and it has never happened before but he is acting like I was out having sex with people when I was just catching up with a friend and talking about feelings that I don't feel I can talk to him or my family about. I've had a few thoughts of self harm and suicide and she just listened, no judgement.

To avoid a drip feed, he is from another culture but we are the same religion and are usually so strong. We have 2 DC 15 and 4. They were being cared for by him. He has never done anything like this.

I don't know what I'm aiming for here, just advice really, he says he doesn't know what he wants to do about our marriage and he feels like the trust is gone. How do I get him to trust me again, I can't lose him.

OP’s posts: |
Mintjulia Thu 16-Sep-21 14:24:17

Did you stay out all night without letting him know where you were, and that you were ok? No text? Nothing?

LadyDanburysHat Thu 16-Sep-21 14:26:40

I think the important thing here is as mintjulia says, is did you just stay out that long without letting him know where you were? Was he expecting you home by a certain time? I would have been out of my mind with worry if my DH did that to me. And you see multiple threads on here with the same concerns.

Pebbledashery Thu 16-Sep-21 14:31:35

Yeah if you didn't let him know, that's pretty bad on your part. But of course you need to confirm.

HarebrightCedarmoon Thu 16-Sep-21 14:33:40

Unless your communication was poor or you had pre-arranged things you missed as a result, I can't see the issue and he sounds like a suspicious twunt who is probably cheating himself.

Biancadelrioisback Thu 16-Sep-21 14:34:08

Very odd to compare it to cheating.
Did you let him know where you were and what time you'd be home?

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 16-Sep-21 14:34:14

It's not the same as cheating, he's being dramatic there.

But were you supposed to be back at 8pm or 8am or was there a time? ExH used to disappear (also music-related) for days and it was horrible. We didn't even have children.

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LemonViolet Thu 16-Sep-21 14:43:11

I think if you went MIA, drunk, for 12 hours with an old friend (old flame, even unrequited either way?) then obviously it is highly suspicious that you would have cheated and if it was the other way around then the MN advice would be to not believe the bloke.

Aquamarine1029 Thu 16-Sep-21 14:52:42

I think the full details of what transpired are very relevant here, op.

StripyTShirt Thu 16-Sep-21 14:55:08

Yes I let him know where I was and I was ok. The friend is a female we went to uni together.

OP’s posts: |
Tal45 Thu 16-Sep-21 14:56:41

I don't think spending all night with a female friend is the same as cheating - does he think you're lying about where you were?

inigomontoyahwillcox Thu 16-Sep-21 14:58:20

He's overreacting to the cheating accusation, but it was a bit of a shitty thing to do on your part if you didn't have a prior arrangement that you'd stay out so long.

Aquamarine1029 Thu 16-Sep-21 14:58:27

StripyTShirt

Yes I let him know where I was and I was ok. The friend is a female we went to uni together.

If that's the case, your husband is being a total dickhead. I would not be apologising or tolerating his nasty accusations.

Hungry675tf Thu 16-Sep-21 14:58:48

It sounds like a complete non event to be honest. My husband wouldn't bat an eyelid other than to ask if I'd had a nice time.

StripyTShirt Thu 16-Sep-21 14:59:11

I know I do feel really shitty about doing it, just got caught up chatting and the time ran away sad

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MrsTerryPratchett Thu 16-Sep-21 15:00:41

StripyTShirt

Yes I let him know where I was and I was ok. The friend is a female we went to uni together.

In which case he's a twat.

Unless you usually dump all the solo kid-time on him without checking.

CherieBabySpliffUp Thu 16-Sep-21 15:01:05

What time had you originally told him.you would be back? It could be that he feels you intended to be out so late but led to him when you told him an earlier time?
He's ridiculous comparing it to cheating. Does he think you were with a man?

LemonViolet Thu 16-Sep-21 15:01:44

Ah right, then assuming you’re a heterosexual woman yourself then it’s ridiculous to say it is comparable to cheating!!!

Droite Thu 16-Sep-21 15:03:11

StripyTShirt

I know I do feel really shitty about doing it, just got caught up chatting and the time ran away sad

I make it that time ran away for at least 10 hours. Really?

poorbuthappy Thu 16-Sep-21 15:03:47

All I can see here is that he's about to arrange a night out/away with a female friend and say it's the same thing.

TheGrumpyGoat Thu 16-Sep-21 15:04:47

A female friend and you let him know where you were… how is it even remotely comparable to cheating?

StripyTShirt Thu 16-Sep-21 15:08:41

He wouldn't do that @poorbuthappy , he goes to work and comes home that's not an issue.

I did tell him I'd be home around 1am but had let him know I was going to my friends after that time.

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DressBitch Thu 16-Sep-21 15:20:49

Your husband needs to get a fucking grip.

Not ideal to stay out until the next afternoon but it's not anywhere near cheating.

StormBaby Thu 16-Sep-21 15:24:01

I’d be very concerned that he’s projecting his own behaviour on to you and he’s cheated either now or in the past. All the women in here with husbands who cheat all said the same thing, “he wouldn’t do that, he’s either home or at work”.

Ugzbugz Thu 16-Sep-21 15:25:15

The ones who accuse others of cheating, normally are themselves. Don't pander to his absolute patheticness.

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