My childhood bully is a professional counsellor!!

[Missusblusky1]

Kind of lighthearted I guess, but I’ve just discovered through the world of Facebook that my secondary school bully who threatened to kill me for no reason is now an established counsellor / psychotherapist…. Probably the last person I would have thought who would ever help anybody!

I remember going on a trip abroad with our school and she threatened to kill me whilst out there, the teachers didn’t take it seriously and it was a horrendous experience! She was a bitchy gossip who constantly belittled others for no reason other than for entertainment. And now I see she does all sort of work for charity too. Probably the most vile human being I’ve ever met. Hope no one goes to her for help!!!!

[springblossom2]

Jeeze - scary!

[HercwasanEnemyofEducation]

Perhaps she's changed.

Who knows what was going on in her life as a child for her to behave like that.

[MoreAloneTime]

That would freak me out if I discovered something like that

[Dollywilde]

@HercwasanEnemyofEducation

Perhaps she's changed.

Who knows what was going on in her life as a child for her to behave like that.

Yes - lots of people wind up on in these professions after receiving help themselves.

[Sargass0]

Maybe they have grown up and addressed any issues that led to them bullying.
Maybe they have seen how their behaviour impacted others.
Maybe they are making amends
People can and do change so unless you know them you can't say how they are professionally.

[Gilead]

You would be surprised at how many manipulative, narcissistic bullies are therapists.

[SophiesMummySaid]

Mine too! I found out few weeks ago. All holistic and healing. She was horrible!

[HeyGirlHeyBoy]

She will have had many hours of therapy herself before becoming a psychotherapist and her work will be supervised always so you don't need to worry on that score. I can see how it seems a strange one alright. As a pp said, she must have had something going on herself to treat you so dreadfully and it's appalling that the school didn't deal with it properly.

[Golden2021]

Bullies are usually deeply troubled people. Perhaps she had all kinds of crap going on at home which led her to this profession. I think it makes 100% sense. She probably received help herself.

[Missusblusky1]

I think someone who completely lacked any empathy or morals hasn’t really changed much. She hated my best friend just because she was friends with me and when she tripped and broke her wrist couldn’t stop laughing about it… neither of us had done anything wrong!

[IHateCoronavirus]

Sorry she was so awful to you. Whatever she was doing would have been about her, not you.

The next bit I’m going to write is not about justifying her behaviour, there is no justification for making your life hell.

I’ve just started training to be a counsellor/psychotherapist (a year into the course). In order to do it everyone had to have experience of receiving their own counselling. Chances are there was a reason she was a child with ‘mean’ issues.

During the process of studying counselling students learn so much about why they are the way they are. It can be a lengthy process and bloody draining! The students on my course who didn’t develop deep awareness were not allowed near people to use a stills practice. Without a great many hours of skill practice you can’t qualify. So I’m certain she has a good level of self awareness now and will no longer be subjecting people to mental torture.
I hope that helps

[MoreAloneTime]

I'm not convinced people really change, I think many will just find more socially acceptable ways of indulging their vicious side.

[Nordicwannabe]

Must have stirred up a lot of latent hurt/scared feelings to see that.

But bullies normally act out of a painful feeling of insufficiency, and it's possible she might have done a huge amount of personal work to fix that within herself, and that journey - and the understanding that has come from it - led her into trying to help other people who are also struggling with themselves. Whilst you never really know someone's motives, doing lots of work for charity isn't the usual behaviour of a vile human being.

If you saw her on Facebook, do you still have friends in common? Or could you just get in touch through Facebook? You might benefit from seeing her again. It sounds like where she is at now she will recognise and own what happened between you, and will probably be happy to talk through it and apologise. That might help you move past it too.

Or you might find out she is a different type of awful now! But the only way to find out is to meet her.

[TheoMeo]

My primary school bully became a nurse - when I came across her on an occasion I would say she still seriously lacked empathy.

[Fiep]

I personally know at least one highly qualified therapist who is a narcissist with a nasty side and for whom the work is more about proving something to himself. It’s quite a powerful position to be in if you thrive off that sort of thing. But I don’t think he’s a bad therapist or clients will be bullied, he’ll be really nice to them, it’s just feeding something unhealthy for his ego

[justanotherneighinparadise]

I doubt she’s changed Many people in counselling jobs are the last people that should be doing them. Its back to the power/vulnerable ratio being weighted in their favour.

[1000glitterydicks]

A boyfriend who was abusive to me is a counsellor now.....

[MichelleScarn]

Is she actually BACP registered or is one of those thats completed a £19 worth £2000 course via Groupon and calling herself that?

[Seafog]

If you don't believe someone can change, why would you even go for therapy?
If a person can change, what makes you think they haven't?

[HeyGirlHeyBoy]

Aside from what sounds like definite issues on her side, if course we change from when we were teens... Our brains are not fully developed till around 22. I am definitely a lot more empathetic now than I was as a teen. Time and experience can change you for sure.

[MoreAloneTime]

I think you can change your behaviour but not your personality. You have to learn to live with yourself.

[Oblomov21]

I too believe it's probably the power issue like paradise states. I doubt they've changed. Of course done people fo change, but often not ones like this.

[FlurryMuff]

@Gilead

You would be surprised at how many manipulative, narcissistic bullies are therapists.

Fuck. Really .

[GingerScallop]

@MoreAloneTime even if they did what they did when they were children or not quite adults themselves? Wow

I guess because am a flawed person trying to better myself, this statement alway really strikes me hard, makes me emotional and I always wonder if those that say/believe it are and have always been absolutely perfect. Must be really nice and perhaps powerful to know you have and will always be flawless. No snark intended. I really wonder n it makes me sad for myself and my life's mistakes (no, I wasn't a bully but I have hurt a few people).

[Missusblusky1]

To the previous poster who suggested talking / meeting with her… seriously do not think that’s a good idea to refresh the target on my back!!! I’m hoping she’d forgotten about me by now….

Definately seem to attract the narcissists though, my ex boyfriend was one and I got out after realising he was completely covered in red flags…he’s since had lots of girlfriends after threatening to kill himself because I ended it…

Don’t need anyone like that in my life again.