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Feel like a failure - 40, no job, no health and nothing to show for it

17 replies

LoserAt40 · 04/05/2021 23:09

I handed in my notice due to ill health. I say ill health but I don't even know thats wrong with me. Have been referred to the hospital for more tests but have been progressively feeling worse over the last 18m. I've now got no job. It's going to have such a negative impact on is as a family financially. We will manage but it's not ideal long-term.
I feel so low and had a cry and just feel like a failure. I have nothing to show for my life & no career, no job, just not good at anything, achieved nothing. God I wish I wasn't alive sometimes

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StealthPolarBear · 04/05/2021 23:13

It sounds like you might be depressed, as well as whatever is going on with your physical health. Be kind to yourself, talk to your friends and your gp if you need to and I hope you get some answers very soon.

HumunaHey · 04/05/2021 23:14

Well it seems you have a family. That's something to "show for your life".

And I think it's brave to make a difficult but necessary decision- i.e quitting your job for the sake of your health.

You are not a failure. You took control of a situation. Hopefully these further tests will identify what's up. I think that will be a huge step in helping you to feel emotionally and mentally better 💐.

LoserAt40 · 05/05/2021 06:57

I think it's the job that I'm really worried about. Its not a high paid job but had a good pension, good organisation to work for etc. Its going to mess us up financially. We won't be homeless or anything because of it but enough to affect the quality of our lives. Feel really worried about finding another job in this climate. I can still work but need much less hours which they didn't agree to and I can't see myself carrying on like this long-term. I was so happy when I got this job - worked really hard for the interview etc and it's just gone in less than a year. I'm distraught.

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LoserAt40 · 05/05/2021 06:58

@StealthPolarBear

It sounds like you might be depressed, as well as whatever is going on with your physical health. Be kind to yourself, talk to your friends and your gp if you need to and I hope you get some answers very soon.

Yes, I am a bit depressed. My health issues have impacted me not just physically but mentally too. I'm not the same person I was a couple of years ago. Im worried I may regret this decision.

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CookieDoughKid · 05/05/2021 07:01

What are your health issues? We can try to work out if there are better suited jobs...does your other half work?

LoserAt40 · 05/05/2021 07:19

I don't really know what is exactly wrong with my but I am not myself. I am very very exhausted for no reason what so ever. I feel ill and rotten. It's like a different type of rotten. I've had blood tests and everything is coming up fine. The gp has referred me now as she's stumped as to what it might be. I asked to work 3 days as I feel that is what I can manage but they have refused. I can't go on like this long-term so decided to leave as the waiting list is so long for the referral as it is so don't know when I'll get seen. I need to look for another job soon.

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LoserAt40 · 05/05/2021 07:20

@CookieDoughKid

What are your health issues? We can try to work out if there are better suited jobs...does your other half work?

Yes my partner does work. Sas

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PersonaNonGarter · 05/05/2021 07:21

It sounds as though you are regretting your resignation already. Can you ask for your job back - part time if necessary?

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LoserAt40 · 05/05/2021 07:25

@PersonaNonGarter

It sounds as though you are regretting your resignation already. Can you ask for your job back - part time if necessary?

I have asked for PT which is what I would like and know I can cope with but they have said no. Otherwise I would stay

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daisychain01 · 05/05/2021 07:26

Are you carrying additional weight due to the lockdown? This can cause fatigue and low mood. Could now be a reasonable time to focus on your physical health, focus on getting yourself back into shape if the COVID-19 lockdown situation caused a deterioration, so you get back to a better state physically (and mentally) which will make applying for new jobs less overwhelming for you.

I wouldn't worry about walking away from that job, it clearly wasn't right for you so just think to the future now.

LoserAt40 · 05/05/2021 08:27

@daisychain01

Are you carrying additional weight due to the lockdown? This can cause fatigue and low mood. Could now be a reasonable time to focus on your physical health, focus on getting yourself back into shape if the COVID-19 lockdown situation caused a deterioration, so you get back to a better state physically (and mentally) which will make applying for new jobs less overwhelming for you.

I wouldn't worry about walking away from that job, it clearly wasn't right for you so just think to the future now.

No not care additional weight. This has been going on before the lockdown. So end of 2019 but I only went to the gp last year. Couldn't really refer me then as lockdown so we tried different things at home and blood tests etc. I've seen myself becoming worse over this time.

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Orangesandlemons77 · 05/05/2021 09:06

Do they not give sick leave? You could possibly claim cont based ESA

Onesnowynight · 05/05/2021 09:16

I had a good job as a senior manager. Then I too began feeling unwell. Cutting a very long story short, I resigned, got diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and a few other things, along with a serious mental Heath diagnosis. My medical file is huge! I was off work for several years. Started a new job last year which is a step down from my previous position but it’s going really well.

I’m just trying to say, as down as you feel, don’t write yourself off.

Namenic · 05/05/2021 10:03

Perhaps see if you can sleep well and try and get into a new pattern. It is stressful with the job, but perhaps a week of trying to rest and recuperate may help you to re-set. It could be that you have to get used to a new pattern which is different from what it was before. It is hard when you don’t have a diagnosis yet, but listen to how you are feeling and try out different things to see what causes improvement - eg a walk in the morning. I hope they can manage to do investigations to find out what is going on.

Mamamamasaurus · 05/05/2021 10:07

Obviously you haven't given many details of your health condition (which is absolutely fine) but it sounds a lot like fibromyalgia / CFS (I've been diagnosed with one, awaiting referral for the other)

The diagnosis of each of the above is ruling out anything else is could be - anaemia, low vit D, thyroid etc etc. You may need to push for referral if you're getting nowhere, I was diagnosed after 20 years of symptoms and only when I'd hit rock bottom and I demanded a referral.

LoserAt40 · 05/05/2021 10:15

I am feeling really overwhelmed with the pressure of finding a new job. I need school hours / PT. There's just nothing around here. I live in a town which doesn't really have many jobs. I feel sick thinking about it. I think I am panicking and can't see the any way forward.

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CookieDoughKid · 05/05/2021 10:51

Try putting a post out on your local community group in Facebook.... people are hiring again. There might be some admin or temp jobs or something a bit more fitting for you. Worth a try.

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