Hate my size, pretty much dislike myself.

(10 Posts)
IhaveMyMoments Tue 04-May-21 20:21:37

But can't seem to get in the right frame of mind to do something.

I'll try to cover all points.
I'm a size 14 bordering 16.
I FEEL like a whale.

I've always been around a 14 mark. Once crept to 18. But at a very stressful time in life where an ex was EA. I decided the only thing I could control was my weight.
I became obsseed. But in the wrong way of starving myself or taking laxatives.
I got to a size 10. Always comments saying I looked ill etc. Looking at photos yes I did!
I then met now dh. And I was happy in life.ate properly etc.
Then had dd after that I stayed around a 14 but squeeze in some 12s.
We had ds last year. And since then I just can't get in the frame of mind to do things properly.
DH works long hours.
Dd since return to nursery is really demanding and generally hard work.
Ds constantly cried if not attached to me.

I have a teen who is well. A teen!

I seem to always be on the go like many many others. Ds keeps night waking which me and dh do together one to try keep him quiet not to wake others and one makes a bottle he has eating issues so this is hard to try and stop extra bottles as he'd lose weight.

DH always says how much he loves me, I'm being a bit silly about my weight Im not as big as I think. He doesn't care if I'm a size 8 or 38. Which I belive he believes that but I can't help but think ' how can he' I have saggy skin and stretch marks.

I walk as much as I can when dd in nursery as she wouldn't walk as far as me. So I take ds in long walks but that ends up stressful as he screams in pushchair after 30min and will not sleep on the move.

I starve myself all day so I don't feel guilty at eating a dinner. But then I'm so hungry I eat all evening.

I don't know what I'm writing this for.

Everything I see says 'love yourself, love your body' but I struggle to work out how to.

OP’s posts: |
IhaveMyMoments Tue 04-May-21 20:23:28

To add when I said was happy in life I mean my life was then happy.. I still am nothings changed there. Just more stress.
DH is amazing when he's at home and does what needs doing. But that's literally barely any time at all.

OP’s posts: |
sourrain Tue 04-May-21 20:36:44

As long as you're getting a decent amount of exercise and eating healthily it doesn't matter what size you are. And eating healthily means eating all meals! Please don't starve yourself until dinner, you said yourself you end up eating all evening, this could lead to even worse habits if you don't stop this (not meaning to be harsh but skipping meals is never the way to go!).

If you feel you're stretched for time, check out some YouTube exercise videos. There are too many to name, but there are some shorter ones which might work well - maybe you can fit in a few throughout your day. There's such a variety out there, it's not just all squats or burpees.

But it sounds like the main thing here is how you view yourself. It's so hard to be comfortable with your body and I have struggled with it in the past too. Just remember your body is amazing - it has gotten you this far in life and given birth to DC. Your body naturally changes over time and there's no 'ideal'. Your DH doesn't care what size you are and I assure you no one else does either - you're valued by who you are not by what size you are. If you can afford/spare the time to talk to someone about it then that would help a lot. It's a long old road to feeling happy with your body but you'll get there! Don't dislike yourself, I'm sure you and your body are beautiful.

IhaveMyMoments Tue 04-May-21 20:50:22

Yes I am on the go all day. May not be proper scheduled excerises but I don't ever sit down all day always going out with kids or doing stuff around the house. Or garden

Yes the issue is how I view myself. I know that deep down. I can't understand how dh can love me. I tell him that and he says whether I understand it or not I should belive him.

OP’s posts: |
sourrain Tue 04-May-21 21:00:52

But your DH doesn't love you for your body. Think of it this way: do you love him for his body? If he put on a bit of extra weight would you stop loving him? You don't love and value someone due to their outward appearance, OP. It's tough to believe someone can love a part of you that you don't love yourself, but he probably loves your body, because he loves you. Of course you should believe him, but I believe you can take the road to understanding him too. It's tough but you'll get there. I'd recommend speaking to someone

KillerFlamingo Tue 04-May-21 21:02:07

I feel like shit too. I'm a size 18 at the mo and ever been so huge blush.
I just feel disgusting, I cut off most of my hair last night because I thought, what's the point of even trying anymore.

Tuesdaysintheazores Tue 04-May-21 21:09:17

You sound exhausted. You're a worthwhile person at any weight OP - same to killerflamingo and everyone else of course. Everyone is doing so much and coping with so much just now

Divebar2021 Tue 04-May-21 21:20:21

Shit! you ladies need to stop punishing yourself. What ridiculous standard are you holding yourself to? Size 14 isn’t even that big. if you had come down to a size 14 from a bigger size you’d feel great about yourself. You don’t have to embrace an unhealthy lifestyle and “ love your curves” mantra but you could start recognising the amazing service that your body has given in growing and birthing children and safely getting you through each day. I know there’s a great deal of pressure from society but you need to find something to admire about yourself. What does your body need to function well? Good nutrition... lots of veg & fruit, nuts and seeds, good proteins, lots of water, relaxation and rest. Exercise & Good sleep. I suggest you look at your health and what your long term goals are. Look at creating healthy habits ( Atomic Habits is a good listen on Audible) and the Medical Chef on Insta is a great source of information about nutrition for good health. I’m sure someone can suggest good Yoga or Pilates programmes for core strength & flexibility

Divebar2021 Tue 04-May-21 21:27:47

@KillerFlamingo

Please don’t treat yourself like you’re worthless. You’re so much more than what you weigh. I totally understand how you feel... at the end of January I was a size 18 and feeling very unfit. January was a tough month in lockdown and I felt absolutely crap. I started a new healthy programme on Feb 1st including walking and lots of varied and healthy foods. I’m a pound away from 2 stone lost now. Hating yourself is never going to result in the change you want to see... I wish you could see that.

jakalaka Tue 04-May-21 21:33:57

I think when people say love your body, they mean it in a more practical way. How do you love your daughter? You feed her good things, you make sure she brushes her teeth, you seek out ways for her to exercise, you tell her how great she is and you really feel in your heart a gladness for her when she's happy and thriving. That's what people mean when they say learn to love your body. Love yourself the way you love other people - and you already know how to do that.

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