What practical , long distance things help when bereaved ?

(16 Posts)
SirVixofVixHall Mon 03-May-21 13:12:42

A friend has just lost her partner. I am the other side of the country, and she has people around her (young adult children, good friends), I want to do something, anything, that might be a help, but it would have to be something I can organise from here.
Any ideas very welcome.

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gobbynorthernbird Mon 03-May-21 14:46:04

A friend of mine sent me a care package which included Cook vouchers. They came in really handy when I didn't have the headspace to think about dinners.

gobbynorthernbird Mon 03-May-21 14:47:31

Another friend who had a bereavement was given deliveroo/uber eats credits and really appreciated them.

Penny31 Mon 03-May-21 20:04:03

A card with some nice words in and some kind of ready meal food delivery. Meals were a godsend for me, I didn’t have to worry about what to feed the kids when I couldn’t think straight or find the energy.

Or a food parcel with essentials like tea bags, bread, crisps, milk, fruit, snacks. I couldn’t face food but drank a lot of hot drinks and picked at a few things if they were just there.

SirVixofVixHall Mon 03-May-21 23:02:09

Thank you. I will look online and see what I can get sent to her. I have never heard of Cook vouchers, I will google.
If I was closer I would cook and make sure her freezer was well stocked etc.

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BritInAus Tue 04-May-21 00:59:54

I have been recently bereaved and have really appreciated anything that anyone has done. A few that really stand out - sending my daughter (who lost her other parent) little surprises - friends sent her little gifts, like stickers, sweets etc. It bought moments of joy to her day during a really sad time. If there are kids, try to include them.

I also really just appreciated messages checking in - especially ones that told me not to worry about replying, but just to know we were being thought of etc... especially the people who have continued to do that after the first week or two. For us, the messages and phone calls six weeks on are really, really appreciated.

From a practical point of view, could you do an online shopping delivery and have it sent to your friends house? Pop in a few useful things (some really luxe ready prepared foods?) and a few lovely things (fave chocs, bunch of flowers/pot plant, nice shower stuff?) and a couple of essentials (nice tea, biscuits - I got through a lot as had lots of visitors in the first couple of weeks).

BritInAus Tue 04-May-21 01:01:43

Oh! Just remembered - my work colleagues bought me a massage voucher with a lovely note in the email saying something like 'take some time out before you come back to work' - my neck and shoulders were SO sore from tension and sleeping badly, it was an amazing gift!

SirVixofVixHall Tue 04-May-21 18:20:37

So sorry that you are also bereaved BritinAus .
Your post is really helpful.
I know from personal experience of losing my parents, that everyone else seems to forget just at the point when one is really floored by the loss, so I will make sure that I do small things over the months to come rather than one big thing now. I wonder if Waitrose will deliver to her if I pay ? She is in SE England.

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SirVixofVixHall Tue 04-May-21 18:23:27

I have realised that I would need to know when she will be at home to do that though.

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Dowser19 Tue 04-May-21 18:32:26

I think a phone call once or twice a week would be so helpful
Especially early to late evening.
This gives the bereaved person time to cry down the phone before bed, if they wish as they may hold back when closer family are around.

It’s nice to know someone is looking out for you and often when that door shuts at night
That’s the last communication you can have till the next morning.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners Tue 04-May-21 18:34:33

The thing that stuck most with me was a lovely friend sending me a bottle of gin as a present, instead of flowers. It was so thoughtful. It felt more personal than flowers.

LoveSleeping Tue 04-May-21 18:43:18

I have a family member whose partner was very seriously injured in an accident, once we knew he was going to be ok and she wasn't at the hospital 24/7 I sent her a Cote at Home delivery- the food is so lovely, requires no prep and can be frozen if needed. There are usually some discount codes around too if you Google, I got £10 off my first order.

But I think any 'minimum prep' food delivery would be well received- avoid the ones like Gousto and Hello Fresh where they send the raw ingredients but you have to do loads of work!

SirVixofVixHall Tue 04-May-21 23:48:20

I am writing down all the suggestions.
She is one of those people who is a rock for others, but doesn’t lean on other people much. When I was having an awful time many years ago, before DH and babies, she was so caring of me, they were both so welcoming. I would sleep on their sofa and one of them would wake me up with tea. Just the sort of kindness you never forget and can never really repay. I want her to feel cared for and loved now.

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Davros Tue 04-May-21 23:52:27

I recently sent a very good bereaved friend a Neom electric diffuser. She has been inundated with flowers and food and it will last. She was delighted

Needhelp101 Tue 04-May-21 23:56:33

This is the kind of thread I needed tonight, thank you. I like the idea of a 'care package'.

caringcarer Wed 05-May-21 00:00:48

When my sister's husband died unexpectedly of a massive heart attack she felt numb. One of her friends sent her a mobile foot massage and pedi cure voucher. We persuaded her to use it and she said it was very nice. Ml She had a dog too and another friend dropped by and took her dog for a walk when she just wanted to stay in with her DC until after the funeral.

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