Would I be being That Parent?

(24 Posts)
Aprilshowersandhail Mon 19-Apr-21 20:08:32

Ds is by everyone's account a bright dc.
Year 1, works hard. Never ever had any issues with him /his school or teacher..
Pick up time he tells me something happened at school. He said he didn't want to tell me but he cried in class. His friend brought him a tissue. Apparently his teacher shouted at him because he had only managed to finish 1 piece of the work(after school catch up lesson) No details given, I can't imagine he wasn't doing his best as usual. He loves working and sails through everything..
Now I get teachers are stressed, doing extra classes etc.. But justified in making a 6 yo cry? Ds has never cried since nursery at 3 yo that I aware.. Hard to speak to teachers in the morning and he won't be there (he is deputy head).. Do I ring and ask for him? Call him out politely? Can't let ds see I haven't done anything.. Poor thing was quite shook up and he isn't a snowflake at all!

OP’s posts: |
Cooper88 Mon 19-Apr-21 20:14:46

Oh bless it's horrible when they tell you something has happened at school.
I had something similar with my DD and obviously I couldnt not do anything so I phoned the school and asked for the teacher to call me. I did day that I do not take what my child says as gospel as only 6, and they forget key parts, over dramatise (well mine does run out of her favourite drink is the end of the world etc 🙄) but also said that I am concerned that my child is this upset so could the teacher clarify what has happened. My DDs teacher was quite happy to explain and it was all fine. DD saw I had called the school so was happy mummy had done something, and I think the teachers are happy to tell you what has happened especially if you dont phone up kicking off and what your ds has told you couldnt possibly be wrong in any way shape or form (obvs only 6 so they're perspective is very different etc)

Mollymalone123 Mon 19-Apr-21 20:17:28

There are two sides to every story and children’s perception of things can be quite different to the reality.I would leave it- maybe he umt used to being told off and maybe the teacher was justified.Parents really don’t know how their children behave in school- if a parent was told by a teacher every time their child was reprimanded then there would be no time for lessons.I’ve worked in a school for many years.If your son was repeatedly in tears with a certain teacher then that might warrant a chat but not one incident on the say so of a child .

SuperintendentHastings Mon 19-Apr-21 20:19:15

Yes you would be being 'that parent'. You want to 'call out' this person when you don't actually know what happened?

If you insist on getting involved in this, at least just ask the teacher in question what happened. No 'calling out' necessary, just a sensible conversation.

Children do need to learn to be resilient about things like this, unless you plan on getting in touch with school at every perceived slight.

SuperintendentHastings Mon 19-Apr-21 20:20:10

If your son was repeatedly in tears with a certain teacher then that might warrant a chat but not one incident on the say so of a child.

Agreed.

Esio Mon 19-Apr-21 20:20:32

If it was an after school session, was DS, or the teacher, or both, tired? Did DS day dream and not get as much done as usual? Yes, I think you would be that parent if you contacted the school. Treat it as a one off bad day all round, but keep a note of it so if there is similar again, you can contact the school as it's then not a one-off incident. Out of interest, is DS clear how much work he was expected to have done?

TustedFormula Mon 19-Apr-21 20:21:37

I think it's perfectly reasonable to talk to the school about any concerns you have and that's what they'd tell you. It's almost certain that a 5 min conversation would put your mind at rest. If you were phoning every day maybe not but if this is a one off, of course you should call. Maybe email the school asking teacher to call when it's convenient.

Aprilshowersandhail Mon 19-Apr-21 20:27:02

Older ds said he was a shouty teacher but that was when he taught year 6!!
Actually need to speak to the teacher about older ds tomorrow so will keep my gentle coaxing of today til the end!
Will email for him to call me!

OP’s posts: |
ColinSupporter Mon 19-Apr-21 20:27:14

Honestly, as a one off I’d just let it go and move on. If they were coming home distressed often I’d do something, and if he said he’d been threatened or called names or humiliated I’d obviously step in immediately but a single telling off is hardly the end of the world. My experience is it’s the children who are best behaved who are mostly likely to cry if told off - it comes as a shock! But no one is perfect all the time. I certainly wouldn’t take the account of a six year old as the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!

LemonRoses Mon 19-Apr-21 20:31:14

Children that are ‘always good’, always do well, always praised sometimes overreact to the mildest of rebukes. I remember one of mine being distraught because they were told not to swim on their chair. Weeping loudly when I collected them. The teacher had forgotten by home time, but she’d held it in.
It is good not to be perfect and to be told off sometimes. Better to learn to accept minor shortcomings and sanctions at a young age then be taught perfection is achievable or desirable.

I think I’d brush it off and say yes, perhaps you could have done more but never mind.

PinkCookie11 Mon 19-Apr-21 20:36:15

I would just have a light hearted chat when you next see him if anything.
A one off is a one off, if it was weekly then yes I’d ring.
If a child hasn’t been told off by a teacher before they do tend to cry.

HotPenguin Mon 19-Apr-21 20:42:11

I think you should find out what happened, not making any assumptions or calling anyone out, just find out. What's the point of a catch up class if it leaves your child upset? It would be handy to know exactly what happened.

altlife Mon 19-Apr-21 20:55:39

To put both your minds at ease, have a chat with the teacher, find out their side and go from there.

There's nothing wrong with doing this, unless you're doing it every single day for no reason whatsoever.

Today, you have a reason. Give them a call, if only to put your mind at ease

itsgettingwierd Mon 19-Apr-21 20:58:07

I think a chat with teacher fill stop sounds like an idea.

Why are 6yo who are known to be bright having to do extra catch up after school?

Why is any 6yo doing extra after school?

It seems a little pushy to me and most children are tired at end of day but infants especially.

They need to be out and about running around and enjoying themselves after being locked up since Christmas - not having extra school.

But yes you'll be that parent if you don't ask for their side and assume your ds is telling the truth completely.

cameocat Mon 19-Apr-21 21:06:47

'I can't imagine he wasn't doing his best as usual.'
This to me is where you're going wrong. No human is perfect. Why ate you making assumptions? Rather than going in and 'calling out' the teacher I'd simply ask what happened and then talk about what your son has said.

cameocat Mon 19-Apr-21 21:07:24

* are not ate. Sorry

Jellybabiesforbreakfast Mon 19-Apr-21 21:14:09

Oh bless! I was that child at school... always did what I was told, was very upset at the mildest of criticism and used to burst into tears during class tellings-off. I don't think it's a bad thing for teachers to be reminded that some pupils are more sensitive than others so maybe ask the teacher what happened.

Long-term you might want to encourage your child to take a more robust approach. He's still very little but it doesn't do children much good in life to be overly sensitive and dependent on often capricious adult approval. Teachers are imperfect beings and many have favourites and can take irrational dislikes to students which they can't always hide. Also, adults have bad days too.

user1471530109 Mon 19-Apr-21 21:15:18

The only thing I'm going to comment on OP, is the fact your ds is doing 'catch up classes'! Your post makes it sound like this is something that is 'normal' and I want you to know it bloody well isn't! No way! I'm a teacher and I'm horrified that primary kids-YEAR 1!- are doing this. Especially since you say he 'is bright'.

My year 11 aren't even doing 'catch up' classes. They are being assessed on whatever has been taught of the curriculum. I feel sad for your ds, but not because he was told off sad.

saraclara Mon 19-Apr-21 21:32:01

LemonRoses

Children that are ‘always good’, always do well, always praised sometimes overreact to the mildest of rebukes. I remember one of mine being distraught because they were told not to swim on their chair. Weeping loudly when I collected them. The teacher had forgotten by home time, but she’d held it in.
It is good not to be perfect and to be told off sometimes. Better to learn to accept minor shortcomings and sanctions at a young age then be taught perfection is achievable or desirable.

I think I’d brush it off and say yes, perhaps you could have done more but never mind.

Absolutely that. I had one of those children, and in hindsight she was too good. She's now in her 30s and still takes criticism to heart far too deeply. She said recently that she wishes that she'd failed at stuff more often as a child, so she could have got used to it. She's an absolute perfectionist at work, she knows that it's really bad for her mental health, but she just can't let go of everything having to be right, and everyone having to be 100% happy with what she's done.

So OP, I think the best thing you can do is help your DS learnt to manage his feelings when he's told off, and reasssure him that the teacher has already forgotten about it.

Aprilshowersandhail Mon 19-Apr-21 21:38:40

Today was the first day of his whole class staying back 30 mins (to be a weekly things - post covid wfh catch up). He has had 3.5 years at that school. Never 1 single instance of needing to speak to a teacher regarding anything! He had many older siblings and never takes stuff to heart.. Quite a toughie!
Will see what he is like going into school!

OP’s posts: |
Justmuddlingalong Mon 19-Apr-21 21:41:48

How does he react at home when he's given a telling off?

TheUndoingProject Mon 19-Apr-21 21:46:46

I’d let a one off incident go. My DS is generally well behaved so found a very mild “telling off” very upsetting at that age. It’s easy to be defensive, but I’d focus on building resilience rather than speaking to the teacher.

MintyMabel Mon 19-Apr-21 21:53:16

Ask the question of the teacher and find out what happened.

DD rarely struggled with work. But we had a wrinkle in P2 when it turned out she was really struggling with colouring in and never finished it. She ended up always avoiding doing it. We spoke to the teacher and it was all fine.

spikyplants2021 Tue 20-Apr-21 09:31:11

I think 6 is often when kids experience being told off for the first time so there is that. I'm only speaking from memory, I was moved up a year and couldn't do the work and was forgetting my glasses and found that stresseful so I started to mess around and got shouted at. The only thing I'd say was unfortunately it put me off that subject (math) which it shouldn't have but hey ho.

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