Shock. Found separated husband dead.

(130 Posts)
sleepraptor Sun 18-Apr-21 22:38:23

Separated from husband last year but still very good friends. He was meant to be coming for tea as kids and I had been away for a few days but didn't turn up. Knew something wasn't right. Found him dead at home. I think it must be sepsis or something similar. And he was at least a day dead I think. All the immediate police and ambulance stuff done and now home, kids in bed asleep.

I've tried to go to bed but my legs and hands feel like they're burning. Is that normal? I have clearly been in shock and was shaking and freezing for ages earlier but warmed up now. Just want to go to sleep now but worried in case not normal for this reaction.

OP’s posts: |
Queenie6655 Sun 18-Apr-21 22:41:44

You poor thing

So sorry

Have you someone to help with everything
What a shock xxxx

youwillbepk Sun 18-Apr-21 22:43:22

I'm so sorry, I didn't want to read and run!
You have had a awful shock. I'm sorry for your self and your children.I hope you have a friend or family member you can call who can comfort you.

PleaseReferToMeAsBritneySpears Sun 18-Apr-21 22:44:02

I'm so sorry. What a terrible shock. I don't know what to suggest. You'll have a very physical response that needs addressing now, as well as the obvious emotional ones. People say sweet tea helps. Snuggle up warm. I hope you can shut it out and get some sleep. That's important. You poor poor thing.

Notthissticky Sun 18-Apr-21 22:44:21

Oh gosh, how horrible!!! I'm sorry for your loss. Is there anyone who can come and keep you company? You can always call 111 for advice, although I can imagine you might not feel up to dealing with their robotic system.

HercwasanEnemyofEducation Sun 18-Apr-21 22:44:53

Oh goodness. Have you got anyone else with you? What a shock.
Strong sugary tea if you can face it. Your body is probably running out of adrenaline now the initial shock has worn off.

IggyAce Sun 18-Apr-21 22:44:53

So sorry, is there anyone in RL who can help you in the coming days?

sleepraptor Sun 18-Apr-21 22:45:25

Thanks for replying.

My parents came round and are coming back in the morning to be here with my kids whilst I start to sort things. My 7 year old says she wants to go to school to see her friends and my 10 year old wants to stay at home but I'll see how they feel in the morning.

When I move my head it feels like it takes a while for my brain to catch up. Is that normal too?

OP’s posts: |
user1499113169 Sun 18-Apr-21 22:46:33

In my experience there is no 'normal' reaction. When my Nan passed suddenly I cried for days. When I found DH I cried as soon a I found him and by the time the paramedics and police arrived I just felt numb. Even telling DD I didn't cry, it was only 2 days later when DD was in school and I had the call from the coroners office that I allowed myself to cry againdaffodil

scaredsadandstuck Sun 18-Apr-21 22:48:15

Oh you poor thing. I'm so sorry. Agree with PP, is there anyone who can be with you?

RumJerrySailorRum Sun 18-Apr-21 22:48:19

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Do you have someone who can come and stay with you?

I would suggest a hot bath and hot juice before you go to bed, then warm pj's and juice/biscuits at the side of your bed.

sleepraptor Sun 18-Apr-21 22:48:38

I've not eaten since some sushi on the motorway at 1pm ish. Had herbal tea. Don't really feel like eating. Maybe I should make a hot chocolate. I just don't want to disturb the kids again by going down and turning the alarm off. The policeman came and rang the bell just after 10pm to drop off keys and tell me what happens next. All the police and ambulance people were so so lovely.

Spoke to my work and they've been lovely. I've not spoke to any friends yet. I just don't feel like it yet although I nearly did earlier.

The police have taken his phone for now so don't have his contacts' details but do have a contact at his work.

OP’s posts: |
sleepraptor Sun 18-Apr-21 22:49:52

Sorry meant to say my youngest woke up when the police came but back asleep now. She's in my bed.

OP’s posts: |
sleepraptor Sun 18-Apr-21 22:50:06

I'm out of bed upstairs.

OP’s posts: |
Elieza Sun 18-Apr-21 22:50:29

So sorry for you all

You’re still in shock. Whatever you are feeling is normal for you. Stay warm. Eat things that are easy to digest. Drink lots of water. Or warm tea. Basically nurse yourself over the shock. You will ‘come to’ once youve taken things in. It’s a little too much to take in right now as it is so unexpected. Sorry for your loss flowers

HoldontoOneMoreDay Sun 18-Apr-21 22:51:41

Sounds like classic shock to me OP. Please go and eat something - a biscuit, bit of chocolate, have a cup of sugary tea. Also a pint of water, I bet you haven't drunk much today either. Could you manage to do that then phone a friend? Don't worry that it's a bit late, any of your friends will be fine to hear from you under the circs. So sorry for your loss.

Queenie6655 Sun 18-Apr-21 22:51:59

You poor thing
The shock of it all !!!!

I'm so sorry xx

Tickledtrout Sun 18-Apr-21 22:52:09

Yes make that hot chocolate. Maybe not too hot and a slice of toast and butter too eh? Could you text a friend? Someone to look out for you overnight?

lachy Sun 18-Apr-21 22:52:48

I'm so sorry, what an awful shock for you all.

You'll probably feel like you're walking and thinking through treacle for a few days - just trying to make sense of everything.

Be kind to yourself. Remember to eat little and often and drink plenty of water.

Sending hugs flowers

AppleBlossomTimeNow Sun 18-Apr-21 22:52:55

I'm so sorry. It does sound like shock - as PP said the adrenaline & cortisol is ebbing away & your brain/body is exhausted. Cuddle up warm, have a warm milky drink & try to sleep. Or if you can't sleep, rest. Take a couple of ibuprofen & stay hydrated (I always get dehydrated when I've been through something bad). Try to relax your muscles & breathe slowly & deeply. Try to exist in the moment if you can...worrying about what's done or what you've got to do will wear you out. Get through one minute at a time. If people ask how they can help ask for freezable home-cooked food. Delegate admin tasks. Be gentle with yourself. Sending you a huge hug x

carlywurly Sun 18-Apr-21 22:53:08

Oh my goodness, what a shock.

I'm so very sorry, for you and your dcs. It sounds as though you cared very much for him. I imagine knowing that will be a comfort for your dcs in time. thanks

Tickledtrout Sun 18-Apr-21 22:53:17

And so sorry for your lossflowers

sleepraptor Sun 18-Apr-21 22:53:40

Thanks. I'll go and make something and then see if I can sleep. If not, I might try and text a couple of friends.

Thanks everyone for talking to me.

OP’s posts: |
parsnipsnotsprouts Sun 18-Apr-21 22:53:55

Gosh how awful. So sorry this has happened

Polkadotpjs Sun 18-Apr-21 22:56:11

You poor love. I'm so sorry. It's certainly shock. Cup of tea with sugar as it gives you something to Doug nothing else

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in