Anyone else find Mother's Day cards uncomfortable to read?

[ContessaDiPulpo]

By that I mean the cards that pop up as adverts, not the ones I actually receive from my darling DC!

All these cards saying things like 'You're the best mum', 'You always have my back', 'You look after me and I love you for it' etc. I find myself reading them and becoming slightly sad at just how few of them would have applied to my own maternal situation. My DM died several years ago so this is admittedly somewhat of an academic problem, but I still find myself revisiting it every year.... I always end up thinking of that phrase from Philip Larkin, the one about the effort to find 'Words at once true and kind, Or not untrue and not unkind.'

Just posting for solidarity really!

[FAQs]

Agree, can’t stand my ‘mother’ I’m forced to send one every year so she doesn’t take it out on my dad. I tend to send something without words such as letterbox tea or something so I don’t have to actually have something with words and I don’t need to sign it, I ‘forget’ to include a gift card.

[KihoBebiluPute]

Yes.

I am sorry for the loss of your mum, and for the hurt you have felt over the years.

I love my mother very much but no she isn't the "world's best mum" and there are various issues, many of which were probably caused by her own dysfunctional relationship with her own parents, as well as potential undiagnosed neurodiversity issues which is a can of worms she has absolutely no interest in opening. She is an imperfect human being who has always done her best within her flawed capabilities to be as good a mother as was possible for her, and that didn't always meet my needs but that's not her fault.

I look for cards that say "Happy Mothers Day" and I send her my love, along with flowers/chocolates etc, but make none of the assertions about how brilliant a mum she is. I dislike Mothers Day intently but I am very happy to receive cards/chocolate/flowers from my own DC, and tbh I prefer the cards not to assert that I am the world's best mum because I know I am really very much not, but I am doing the best I can and I just have to hope that will be enough in the long run.

[Schoolchoicesucks]

Yes, my mother died years ago but buying a card for my step-mum from my kids and it's all "world's number 1 grandma". When she's not. Fortunately found one that just said "Happy Mothers' Day".

Had a similar feeling trying to find a fathers' day card a few years back. Card companies - take note - we need some more neutral ones!

[gamerchick]

I search twice a year for a simple none gushy card for my mother. It's a duty card and nothing else. Its a shame but her own doing.

[Macaroni46]

I agree OP. I had a very difficult relationship with my mother when she was alive and I used to avoid cards with saccharine messages.

[MiaMarshmallows]

Yes, I always wonder if it's just me that feels this way so nice to see it is not.

[Whatwouldscullydo]

God yes...they all make you want to vomit.

Cant they just say "happy mothers day"

[24butfeeling80]

Hm, I agree but I see it from a cringeworthy sense.

I do love my mother, and she’s raised us well. However the soppy mother’s days cards with 3 page poems on the inside with the same boring old quotes just give me the ick.

[Anycrispsleft]

My mother used to go for the absolutely floweriest most sentimental birthday cards for me. Not to my taste but I wouldn't have minded that but she bloody hated me and treated me awfully. I always went for a nice looking Mother's Day card but like @KihoBebiluPute I went for the "Happy Mother's Day" ones, not the "Greatest Mum" ones. I don't know if she noticed the difference. I hope not. I did try to make our relationship as pleasant as possible while we were still in contact but there were some things I just wasn't willing to do.

[VienneseWhirligig]

One relatively good thing about being widowed is that I can send sarky cards without DH worrying they are inappropriate (I get mine from Thortful or Love Layla). DH had a complicated relationship with his own family and loved mine, and would often remember things like Mothers Day whereas I wouldn't and might panic buy. He preferred the soppy cards with poems and meaningful words - all very true, but they are the sort of thing I would roll my eyes at - and my mum would always know when he had chosen the card because she remarked on how lovely and thoughtful it was. She now enjoys the ruder, more offhand ones I get her but thinks its because I associate the lovey dovey ones with DH. I do, but that's not why I don't buy them!

[ContessaDiPulpo]

Thank you KihoBebiluPute I agree with a lot of what you've described in your post, your mother sounds a little similar to mine (including the 'not her fault' bit, at least sometimes).

Sort of glad but not glad to find others understand this sentiment!

When it comes to cards from my own DC, I do enjoy the weirdness - they are still young enough to draw cards for me, so I get detailed depictions of DS2 killing my (many) enemies with a sword. That's lovely dear

With my own mother, I just couldn't get her a gushy one, something in my soul would seize up with the enormity of the lie. She did notice the omission, but it would have been worse if I'd got her a gushy one I think; in a weird way she'd have been mad at me for lying, mad at me because it was a lie, mad at me for alluding to reality by pretending reality was otherwise.

I don't know if any of that makes sense, but here we are... the best I've been able to come up with in terms of heartfelt over the past few years is 'I sometimes wish you weren't dead'. That's a sad state of affairs really, isn't it.

[LunaNorth]

Yes, I understand. This is my first Mother’s Day without my mum, and I’m glad not to have to participate.

My sons will get me something non-gushy. In fact, one already has - he sent me some beautiful flowers last weekend because he got the date wrong

[Goingferalonfurlough]

If I was to send one it would say ‘you’re the most vile person I’ve ever met and you shouldn’t have had children. I don’t wish you any ill but I hope you spend today reflecting on the meaning of the word ‘mother’. Or similar

[VanGoghsDog]

My mum could be a contender for worst mum ever so I agree totally. I don't buy her a card. By an annoying diary/bubble swap snafu, I will be with her on MD this year. I'm taking two bottles of beer and two of wine. Might as well take what I know she likes so she doesn't moan at me.
She's worse when she's tiddly but at least she will appreciate the gesture.

[Shodan]

Yes I always used to look for one that just said Happy Mothers' Day or similar. I couldn't lie and say she was the best mum ever.

It occurred to me just the other day that this is the first year I won't have to go searching for one (mum died in November). That felt a bit weird.

[lightand]

I think Mother's Day cards, Father's Day cards, Valentine's Day cards etc, all need to bear in mind that a person may want to buy a card, but dont want/may not be applicable, to buy totally mushy ones. People are in different states of relationship with others, and indeed that relationship may differ year to year, so to think, as the makers of cards seem to do, that everyone is in a totally happy relationship with everyone, is naive, at best.

[ContessaDiPulpo]

I'm sorry for your loss Shodan. It's still a loss even when the relationship is 'complicated'; perhaps moreso as grief and rage can end up going hand in hand with love, regret and a wish that things had been different.

My mother died 2 weeks before Mother's Day; my sister and I joked that she always had the best timing...

[hellywelly3]

I’m the same with my DM. We get on ok but I’m not top on her list of priorities. She was vile to me when I went through a traumatic event at 19. There’s never a text/phone to see how I am, it’s always me calling. I could count on one hand how often she’s babysat my children and my eldest is 18!
I just find a card that says Happy Mothers Day, I feel the other words don’t really reply to our relationship

[VanGoghsDog]

My mum never calls or texts to ask how I am, she only contacts me if she needs something. My sister is the same but moans about mum and can't see that she's doing it as well.

[SatsumasOrClementines]

I’m the same with my dad. I look for cards that say things like ’It’s Fathers Day’.

I don’t wish you any ill but I hope you spend today reflecting on the meaning of the word ‘mother’.
^So much this @Goingferalonfurlough

[CannotOperateOnThisFailure]

Front: Happy Mother's day
(Although my mother would scowl at "mother's day" not "Mothering Sunday")

Inside: With all the love you deserve
(i. e not a lot)

This is where Moonpig comes in - although leaving a 59p price sticker on the back gets extra points.

[Flippyferloppy]

@CannotOperateOnThisFailure mine would also scowl at not "Mothering Sunday"

I tend to go for something totally neutral, like a blank card with flowers.

Hate looking for cards for her. They never express anything like what I actually feel. So sorry for everyone else who is on the same boat

[ContessaDiPulpo]

It's a bit shit, isn't it.

The only bright side I've found over time is that I do now tend to check my own behaviour towards my DC more than I would have otherwise, to make sure I'm not inadvertently turning into her. To be fair to my own mother I don't think she always meant to be as cold and uncaring as she came across - sometimes she just genuinely may not have realised that human warmth would be needed/welcome. So, wary of falling into the same pattern as her, I hug my kids way more than I otherwise would. I suppose that's a silver lining, of sorts. You really have to squint though

[squashyhat]

Even when my Mum (with whom I had a very good relationship) was alive I found the gushing printed messages and babyish colours of MD cards nauseating. There are some perfectly nice (in fact nicer) blank cards available. Just send one of those with your own message (or not).

[ConkerBonkers]

I agree - many/most of the cards are atrocious, with ick inducing saccharine messages. I like to buy a blank card and write my own message. Just disregard all the hallmark bullshit. Honestly!