Popular this week: Holiday forum - planning a summer break this year?
This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Attacked by xenophobic lady, feeling bad(19 Posts)
I'm originally from America but I moved her for my abusive ex (whom I've left).
I haven't got family though I have collected some friends and I have nice co-workers. But I'm well aware that I'm a foreigner and I sometimes have a feeling that people resent me or I generally don't fit in.
Today I received a call to my direct work line from someone who found my number online. She is angry about something that is vaguely related to my work and was clearly looking to pick a fight.
I tried to help her, but she kept interrupting and shouting. I tried to give her the address to a webpage and I gave one mistaken figure but corrected myself (forward slash - oh, sorry, that's a hyphen).
She went on a lengthy rant about how I should go back where I came from, I can't speak proper English, how I couldn't possibly be qualified for my job, etc etc.
I eventually had to hang up.
It had a surprisingly bad effect on my mood. I know that she's just a mean person who was looking for a punching bag, but this definitely was effective in making me not want to be in a country full of people who secretly hate me.
I'm aware that other people have worse problems and that this is nothing compared to racist attacks that others have to deal with - but it's not the first time I have experienced this and it hurts all the same.
So sorry that happened to you @littleloopylou. She sounds like a bully. Some people abuse the fact they're "customers". Just witnessed a similar pile on on our village Facebook page against the kindly admin. Pathetic, rude people throwing their non-existant weight around.
Please try not to take it to heart.
I'm sure your friends are very grateful to have such a gentle, sensitive friend as you.
Be kind to yourself tonight
Sorry to hear what happened, it must have been very unpleasant for you.
In the same way you don’t represent all Americans, she doesn’t represent all British people.
You don’t live in a country of people who secretly hate you. You live in a country where, like all countries, there are some nasty bastards, unfortunately you had to deal with one today.
Maybe you’re projecting feeling lonely, isolated or generally being an outsider. I often feel those things and I’m from here.
It's definitely exacerbated by the day I've had!
Exchanged financial disclosure with my ex, who thinks I should just accept a terrible financial settlement because I don't deserve more, and I didn't give up anything by moving here.
Thanks for the kind words. I know that all British people are not like this. It's just sad that so many people hold this kind of hate in their hearts. I honestly can't imagine trying to make someone feel like less because of where they came from or who they fundamentally are.
Well you don't have to be foreign to be treated like that!
I am a receptionist and the shit we get! I am english by the way. I had a few dealings with an Italian woman who son was on one of our wards, angry that he was in isolation and she could not see him. When my line manager was covering, she (Italian) screamed why don't you speak proper english? (Er... she does! My line manager is English I think or born in Ireland but no accent).
UInfortunately you have to accept that some people come in with both guns blazing and it is not about you. They will pick on something about you - big nose, fat, American (shock!). I have been told I had big tits (I actually knew this!!) They hoped I would die of obesity, I am a poorly paid clerk (I don't believe he was actually employed in any case!).
Sadly, when they come in like this, they do not listen to what you say because then they lose the argument and so they just keep saying the same things over and over and over, not letting you speak!
By the way, my Irish colleague (who is the politest of the lot of us!) gets called an Irish B*tch sometimes and not just by the English!
Xenophobia is something it's hard to relate to if you haven't experienced. I was a child immigrant. Being told you don't belong in a country is such a gut punch and particularly hard, in me experience, after Brexit, because it feels like a lot of people feel that way even if they don't say it.
I'm really sorry. And I'm sorry that people on this thread have been dismissive of how it feels.
They are right that some people are just arseholes though! I hope you can out it behind you, I bet youd friends and colleagues appreciate you and would be gutted if you did leave the country. Those are the people whose views matter.
If anyone is abusive on the phone OP, even in a work capacity, just put them phone down on them.
Personally, I think unless you're wearing an "I Heart Trump" cap, generally Americans are liked in the UK.
She was just an arse.
A work colleague was born in Ireland and lived there until she was 4. She has a lovely gentle lilt to her voice.
A client was really rude to her for being irish and told her she was a terrorist etc.
Some people are just nasty and will pick on whatever they notice if they wish to be rude.
Sorry this happened to you
Some people are just rude. If you hadn't been American, she would have found something else to have a go at you over - she's just an arsehole. Don't let her colour your day
I'm so sorry you've been through this.
As above, not all Brits feel this way. Youre going through so much, you sound incredibly brave actually.
Leaving your home country
Leaving your family (I assume)
Leaving an abusive relationship
Continuing to live in Britain
Working through a pandemic when you're all alone, in a country you don't know that well...
Those are some massive obstacles you have overcome!!
I'm Canadian ( so have a similar accent) and I definitely get this.
Like- peoples voice will change on the phone when they hear your accent, or they just are a bit off and you can't quite work out why.
Sorry you ve had a bad day though- luckily most people are not like that.
Your ex sounds awful and cruel btw. Emotionally immature and trying to minimise the pain he's causes you to make himself feel ok.
You're well rid
And you keep going for every penny you can get.
I think angry people do get frustrated by accents over the phone, whether they be Indian, Scottish or American. So try not to take it personally. The person was very obviously a prick.
Some people are just arseholes. I'm disabled and have had people being nasty because I am 'too slow' or whatever. It doesn't take much.
@Deathraystare I actually used to be a receptionist in a public facing role. People used to tell me that I was a worthless government employee and they were paying my salary. I'm a bit out of practice dealing with that - plus, it (unfortunately) is part of the job description as a receptionist I think - it took me by surprise in my current job!
You definitely have a difficult job if you have to deal with angry people all the time
Xenophobia occurs everywhere in the world, OP, wherever there are inadequate arseholes who take their frustrations out on innocent others.
Try to pity the poor abusive idiot for having no control of her temper. Regard her as an annoying toddler in a tantrum, rather than someone who has any power to hurt you.
And as PPs have said, most English are definitely not like that. I’m English, living in Scotland among people who are my fellow Brits, but I’ve twice been told to “go back home to England”, by racist SNP supporters.
Thankfully, I know they are an ignorant minority and pay them no heed.
@littleloopylou , yes, it's in the job description. The receptionist is there to receive whatever comes her way. Receptioneering is not for cissies x
Please login first.