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Please talk me down from huge imposter syndrome

17 replies

Thatsnotsmyjob · 14/02/2021 12:15

Interviewed for a job two weeks ago which I didn’t get. They called me and said they wanted me to apply for another job instead which is 2 levels above the one I applied for. Something I would never have considered applying for at this stage of my career.

I interviewed and got it.

I’ve been wracked with anxiety since. I feel I lack the gravitas, I won’t be taken seriously as I’ve “jumped” over people who were next in line. My boss was called and asked if I could do the job before I was interviewed and he said yes. I know I interview well but I’m really worried I’ve interviewed too well and I’m going to fall flat on my face.

It’s ruining any excitement I had and I just wish they’d given me the job I actually went for in the first place. Any advice?!!

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Honeyroar · 14/02/2021 12:19

They asked you to apply. They saw something in you that made them feel you were right for them. Your boss thought you could do it too. Go in there believing in yourself as much as they do. You can do it. This is just nerves.

Moo31 · 14/02/2021 12:20

I get it but they believe in you as does your boss so you need to believe in yourself too! Congrats on the new job :)

Thatsnotsmyjob · 14/02/2021 12:23

That’s exactly what my DH said, it’s just nerves. I not used to feeling nervy at all. The job I applied for would have been a very comfortable transition. Now I have a hell of a lot to learn and a lot of people waiting (and hoping) for me to fail.

Is it time to drink yet?

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MindBodyChocolate · 14/02/2021 12:23

Wow, congratulations. Sounds like a great opportunity. Is there anything specific about the role you are worrying about? If so is there anything you can do to prepare for those aspects?

Might also be worth digging out a ted talk or two on Imposter Syndrome - there are loads!- which is nothing else will remind you that IS is incredibly common. It’s how you respond to it that’s important.

Good luck

MindBodyChocolate · 14/02/2021 12:24

Just saw your update - who is hoping you’ll fail?

Thatsnotsmyjob · 14/02/2021 12:28

The people who were already above me and applied and weren’t successful. I don’t listen to rumours as a rule but I’ve heard murmurings. Plus my new boss called and after a long talk said “you know you will have to win hearts and minds here, we’ve taken a gamble but I think it will pay off”

I just want to tell them all I DIDNT APPLY FOR THIS JOB DONT HATE ME

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Honeyroar · 14/02/2021 12:28

My sister in law got head hunted for another job and went in just as nervous as you, thinking they’d all hate her. I remember sitting with her in floods of tears just before she started trying to talk her out of resigning even before she’d started. Ten years on she’s still there and adores her job and her colleagues.

Thatsnotsmyjob · 14/02/2021 12:29

My DH said something I thought was very good.

You know if you were a man you wouldn’t feel like this, men just don’t, they would absolutely feel they deserved it”. And he’s right, why are we socialised to be such people pleasers?

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TheJerkStore · 14/02/2021 12:36

Congratulations.

I know exactly how you feel.
I was appointed to my current job without being interviewed but based on my experience and knowledge.
I suffered from terrible imposter syndrome ( still do occasionally) because I felt like I hadn't 'proved' myself via interview.

Listen to the positive feedback and remind yourself that they asked you to apply for the job and they appointed you because they wanted you

I did some research into this and wasn't surprised to find that a lot more women suffer from this than men.

EnidMatilda · 14/02/2021 12:41

Having had a few promotions, I now feel that you learn to do the job once you've got it. So no you aren't right for it at the moment but you will be. They've seen your potential and presumably you're a hard worker. Don't panic. You WILL do well. Also worth noting that it doesn't matter what others think/if youve jumped ahead of others because you were employed and they weren't. And that's the end of it. Definitely understandable to be nervous but that's because you want to do a good job. Fake it til you make it. Don't let on that you're worried. Walk in an be confident but open to learning. Good luck!

Sexnotgender · 14/02/2021 12:47

@Thatsnotsmyjob

My DH said something I thought was very good.

You know if you were a man you wouldn’t feel like this, men just don’t, they would absolutely feel they deserved it”. And he’s right, why are we socialised to be such people pleasers?

Was just coming to say this!

First off - CONGRATULATIONS! The job market is shit right now so you should be really proud of yourself.

Secondly, deep breath... crack open the champagne and realise these people haven’t done you a favour. They have obviously seen that you are the best person for the job. Don’t second guess yourself.

MindBodyChocolate · 14/02/2021 13:03

Winning hearts and minds is all part of moving into a new senior role. So I wouldn’t worry too much about this. And the point about men not being so prone to IS is a good one. I know it’s not perfect but Lean In had a useful point about not counting yourself out of roles before you’ve even counted yourself in!

I hope you do well - I’m sure it’ll be challenging but back yourself!

lightand · 14/02/2021 13:16

Practice gravitas

google to find out if there are ways and things to do about others who didnt get your job.
Some might resign?

Well done on getting the job.

PandoraP · 14/02/2021 13:22

Well done congrats!!

Your DH is right a man would never feel like that which is why there are so many men incompetent men in senior positions. We should learn from their confidence though!!

Nacreous · 14/02/2021 13:27

What I realised is that if I don't feel absolutely terrified for at least the first few months of a new job, I probably didn't apply for a senior enough job.

For me the realisation came at an alumni dinner when one of the professors pointed out that he can't employ women who don't apply so to just damned well get on and apply for things - which you've done. Now you've got the next step of taking that role on.

I was terrified when I got my last job. I felt like I wasn't good enough and wasn't experienced enough. Every other person at the same level had at least 4 years more experience, most 10. But I have proved myself, and I'm now looking at promotions again.

Thatsnotsmyjob · 14/02/2021 13:54

Thank you all so much. This was exactly what I needed to hear.

“Back yourself” is my new mantra

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pursuedbyablackdog · 14/02/2021 14:22

Does it make you feel any better if I say I have been suffering imposter syndrome with home schooling
Seriously though, they've seen something in you, you are not seeing in yourself. You are the right person for the job, or they wouldn't have offered you the job.
You will be fine. Congratulations 🥳

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