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Valentine's Day in difficult relationship

(19 Posts)
happytravels Sat 13-Feb-21 11:40:46

My H and I do not get on. This has been going on for years. I've managed to avoid Valentine's Day for years because it's been a week day and usually one of us is away. But this time it's a chuffing Sunday - what do I do. It's only for pretence for the kids that I'm even asking.

Anyone else?

OP’s posts: |
Thewinterofdiscontent Sat 13-Feb-21 11:47:59

Have a Valentines “freedom” party and tell him you want a divorce. You’re going to have to do it at some point.
Children will cope. Much better growing up in a happy environment.

RubyFakeLips Sat 13-Feb-21 11:50:58

Why don’t you just do something for you all?

Do family dinner with, I dunno a heart shaped caked for pud.

Tbh if your kids are old enough to know Valentine’s Day they will already know you don’t get on...

hastingsandchips Sat 13-Feb-21 11:52:48

Family meal? But at some point also have a proper conversation with dh about what you are going to do ie marriage counselling or trial separation etc

Aquamarine1029 Sat 13-Feb-21 11:55:04

But this time it's a chuffing Sunday - what do I do. It's only for pretence for the kids that I'm even asking.

Your children know exactly how miserable you are in your marriage. You won't be fooling anyone so don't even bother.

LunaHeather Sat 13-Feb-21 11:56:31

Just tell the DC you don't do Valentines Day. Lots of couples don't.

AnneLovesGilbert Sat 13-Feb-21 11:58:53

Aquamarine1029

*But this time it's a chuffing Sunday - what do I do. It's only for pretence for the kids that I'm even asking.*

Your children know exactly how miserable you are in your marriage. You won't be fooling anyone so don't even bother.

Indeed. You’re not doing anyone a favour by staying so a show for one day won’t help.

Ignore it. Channel the hoards on here who say it’s commercial rubbish and then get a divorce.

Hope4theBestPlan4theWorst Sat 13-Feb-21 12:07:21

God why bother???
Just say to the kids oh we'll go out for a meal when places are open and leave it there

But if you're that unhappy you need to split up and do your kids, and yourself a favour

Taikoo Sat 13-Feb-21 12:38:55

Agree with above.
You are not fooling anyone - especially your kids.
They know you are not getting on.

Do everyone a favour in this time of plague and get a divorce.
You don't have to be miserable all your life.

happytravels Sat 13-Feb-21 12:52:33

I don't actually understand how this is always made to sound so simple on mumsnet. I can only imagine you either have a lot more or perhaps a lot less money than we have. I think splitting up is incredibly difficult and also very stressful for the children.

OP’s posts: |
Mrsjayy Sat 13-Feb-21 12:58:38

You don't have to do anything for valentine's Day even if you think it's for. The children just say we don't "do" it and leave it at that. Your kids will know you don't get on.

SatsumasOrClementines Sat 13-Feb-21 13:08:28

I think splitting up is incredibly difficult and also very stressful for the children.

It’s the choice between:
A difficult short term followed by the freedom of the rest of your life which I hope is long and happy.
vs
Spending your whole life miserable just to avoid the road bump.

I wouldn’t want to look back at my ‘meh’ life and also have my children say “we knew you were unhappy” or worse “we grew up in a toxic environment” and known I could have changed it.

Taikoo Sat 13-Feb-21 14:49:16

Better to be spilt up rather than kids having to witness their parents being like cat and dog for another 10 years or whatever....

What's convenient and less disruptive may not necessarily be best for your children.

Taikoo Sat 13-Feb-21 14:50:52

You've said you haven't being getting on for years.
Mother of god.
Surely its time to call it a day, so.

DinosaurDiana Sat 13-Feb-21 14:51:09

We don’t do anything for Valentine’s Day. It’s just a normal day.

DallyCrazy Sat 13-Feb-21 14:54:20

Well ignoring the fact you shouldn't be together if you're that unhappy. I'm happily married and I'm doing nothing tomorrow which I don't normally do on a Sunday. We're going to ride the horses if it's not too old, walk the dogs and I'll cook dinner. Maybe a roast but that'll depend what time we get back inside.

DallyCrazy Sat 13-Feb-21 14:54:51

*cold not old

user85963842 Sat 13-Feb-21 14:58:03

Honestly if you are unhappy together your kids will know, parents always think their kids don't know, but they do. So I wouldn't do anything for their sake over Valentine's Day, it won't appear genuine.

MinnieMountain Sat 13-Feb-21 15:00:53

Go with the “it’s made up commercial nonsense” line then.

DH and I are happily married and are doing nothing (unless you count having MIL round for the day).

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