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Police turned up can't get hold of husband

(670 Posts)
Lisa2424 Wed 10-Feb-21 12:01:09

Name changed.

I wanted to put this in the Forces Sweethearts section but over the years I've not had many replies.

I don't want to put it in AIBU as every time I mention my husband as his job I'm constantly told he's cheating / married / lying / has a second family. I've heard it all over the years so this post is not about any of that it's what to do now. Ideally I'd post somewhere where people have some kind of idea of what it's like being married to ex military who continue to work away.

This morning 8am knock on door. Look outside my bedroom window. It's a policeman and woman. Long story short he's been caught speeding and has not filled in the form within 28 days of receiving it. Yes I know it's a waste of police time and I feel guilty and embarrassed. The policeman said it wasn't local it's another constabulary who have asked them to come and have a chat.

Whether you believe this did or did not happen or whatever experience you have had with speeding fines may well be different I understand but this is definitely what happened.

I said he's not here works away. For info when we got together he was a Royal Marine. Worked his way up then retired at 40 and now does security or private work or something.

He can facetime when he's free otherwise I may not hear from him for a few weeks. Whether you believe this isn't the point of the thread so please don't say it can't be true as I've said I've heard it all before. He can often use his phone for facetime but has to leave the SIM card at their base / head office. Otherwise his has an Ariel phone or satellite phone that they share. He have been through 6 wars together in used to the distance and phoning every so often.

So the police can't call him and neither can I. Who would believe that? They coke to a house abs the wife says he yah there abs can't contact him. Plus his car is pathed right outside. They have said they will have to keep coming until he gets in touch. They said they have his name dob and I gave them the unit he was with years ago but I'm not sure who he now works for. Even when he was just a sergeant in the uk I never phoned him as I never knew when he could chat. So I don't know how often the police will turn up and I'll have to keep repeating the same story. The guy was nice and said they will do some digging but I'm not sure how long this will go on. I'm so used to him going away but now I know I should have asked for a way of contacting him. I could google the place he was based but he retired from there 6 years ago.

I don't think many people on here will have been in this situation and others will just assume it's a load of crap but are there any wives / girlfriends who's partners are ex military and now do private security work?

Thanks x

OP’s posts: |
zzizzer Wed 10-Feb-21 12:04:39

I don't get it.

Is it that you don't know where he is and want reassurance that this is normal?

Onlineshopperforever Wed 10-Feb-21 12:04:55

I can see why you get the advice you have received previously OP.

That aside, the police do not turn up announced for a 'chat' on behalf of another police force over unsigned paperwork. He is wanted by the police. They will keep coming until he is arrested.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows Wed 10-Feb-21 12:05:15

You don't know who your husband works for, but he works away for months at a time, and doesn't get in touch for weeks, and isn't ever allowed a phone. But he's committed a crime in another county and you can't get in touch with him and have no way of finding out where he works.

You do understand how this sound to the police don't you?

Do you know the county where he was caught speeding and the date?

Hoppinggreen Wed 10-Feb-21 12:06:31

My DH has worked on secure govt contracts where he had to leave his phone in a locker off site but I always knew who he worked form roughly where he was and I had a way to contact him in an emergency. Plus he checked in once a day
All sounds very weird and I’m not surprised the Police don’t believe you

Respectabitch Wed 10-Feb-21 12:07:24

It's one thing to have a partner who works away, but you don't even know who he works for or what he does exactly, except it's in "security"?

Something is dodgy here. I couldn't even speculate as to what. But I agree, I suspect the issue with the police is a lot bigger than just a "chat" over an unpaid speeding ticket. They'd just send letters if that were the case.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows Wed 10-Feb-21 12:08:23

I'm rather surprised they told you why they were there, I'm no expert but I thought they weren't allowed to?

Jobsharenightmare Wed 10-Feb-21 12:08:39

I haven't been in this situation but a friend was married to a marine who went into private security and she had a number to phone of somewhere that could reach him as he could not be contacted directly by her for safety. When their child had a serious accident it took 4 days for him to get the message as I presume it went via loads of different places first!

Noteveryone Wed 10-Feb-21 12:08:41

I’ve got friends whose husbands are ex military and now do private security work. They get in touch with their wives regularly. Something else is going on here I’m afraid.

Lisa2424 Wed 10-Feb-21 12:08:59

I don't need to know it's normal I'm used to this I just don't know what to do about the police.

You say they don't just send police to chat well they did.

Yes they send paperwork about speeding which they have done.

One was England one was Scotland.

OP’s posts: |
AvonCallingBarksdale Wed 10-Feb-21 12:09:29

What are you looking for in terms of responses, OP? It sounds like you just very specifically want someone to come on and say, “yep same situation here, all perfectly normal”. Is there a FB group or similar you could join? As for the police, I imagine they’ll persevere until they find him 🤷‍♀️

BangingOn Wed 10-Feb-21 12:09:34

I am so confused.

When you say his car is parked outside, how long has it been parked there for? Has it been used in the time period the police are talking about?

I don’t understand how you don’t know who he works for?

Seeline Wed 10-Feb-21 12:10:01

How can you not know how to contact your DH in an emergency? What if you were seriously ill? Surely you must have details of who he works for?

IAmongstTheWorld Wed 10-Feb-21 12:10:21

I know a lot of people who are ex military and now do private security work - but their partners, parents and families know where they are (usually Afghanistan / Iraq).

ScrambledSmegs Wed 10-Feb-21 12:10:43

The police came to your house because he hadn't filled in a form for speeding, that didn't even occur in their own constabulary?

Sounds fishy.

Lisa2424 Wed 10-Feb-21 12:10:55

I'm not getting into a debate in getting in touch he dies he Facetime's abs uses satellite phones but I can't phone him.!

Been through Afghanistan and Iraq twice each I know he can't phone me everyday or even week I'm used to that.

OP’s posts: |
Respectabitch Wed 10-Feb-21 12:11:26

I believe you that you're used to it. And you think it's normal. That's not what people don't believe...

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows Wed 10-Feb-21 12:11:27

It may be normal to you OP but looking at it objectively you must see how odd it is?

What do you mean one was England one was Scotland? He's been caught speeding twice? Do you know when and where? And would it fit in with the work pattern you believe he has? Does he work abroad or in the U.K.?

Brunt0n Wed 10-Feb-21 12:11:28

When was the last time you saw him? In person?

Noteveryone Wed 10-Feb-21 12:11:35

You do seem to be looking for someone to say their husband is just the same. A few people on here have already said that they’re not the same. I don’t think anyone is going to say their husband is just the same. You have no contact for months sometimes and don’t know where he is? Definitely not normal, security or no security, ex military or not.

Lisa2424 Wed 10-Feb-21 12:12:13

I know the police will carry on that's what I'm worried about and I can't direct them anywhere as they said this is his registered address so they can't go to his work even if it was in uk

OP’s posts: |
LittleBoPeep95 Wed 10-Feb-21 12:12:28

Very fishy is all I can say OP.

ArnoldBee Wed 10-Feb-21 12:12:33

I understand this however in future you need to set something up where you can contact him. What would happen if someone died? I know many security people use signal instead of WhatsApp for example.

PatchworkElmer Wed 10-Feb-21 12:12:54

Goodness, what would you do in an emergency? You have no idea at all of how to contact him.

I guess all you can do is send him a message asking him to call urgently, and wait for him to activate the SIM 🤷🏻‍♀️

EmmaGrundyForPM Wed 10-Feb-21 12:12:57

Are you sure they were genuine police officers?

Yes it does all sound very far fetched. Even if he's in top secret security there must be a method of contacting him in an emergency. Plus who doesn't know the name of their husbands employer?

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