Need to say today is hard

[JamieFrasersSassenach]

Just that really, I feel as though I have coped really well since last March with lockdowns, home schooling, lack of social life etc.
I am working 2 - 3 days each week, which I absolutely love - get out of the house and have something with deadlines to do and have a chat with colleagues etc
I know I have it far better than a lot of people, but I find it so hard to be motivated to do anything at home when I'm not working.
I think in my head I just feel like what's the point? So every night I go to bed thinking tomorrow I will do x,y,z but then I don't and then I feel crap about it.
To anyone else who said the above to me about themselves I would say (& do say to others) that we are in the middle of a global pandemic and not to sweat the small stuff. So why am I so cross with myself???

I'm sure tomorrow I will feel ok again - but today I'm just really 'meh'.

I don't think there is an answer to this, but it's really nice to just get it off of my chest.

So thank you for reading

[ssd]

Bless you. I know exactly what you mean. And we never take our own good advice, do we?

[JamieFrasersSassenach]

Thank you for the  @ssd - it's so nice simply to have my feelings acknowledged, and I hope you're having a good day today.

We certainly are not good at taking our own advice are we?

[ssd]

No absolutely not. I have a constant narrative in my head, its overwhelming. I talk myself through every scenario and fret over everything. I have health anxiety just now and its awful. My mind is in overdrive.
Anyway, I'm just about to go a walk in the rain with my brolly up. Getting outside always helps me.
Hope you're getting through the day ok...you're not alone.

[fatisnotafeeling]

You're certainly not alone OP.


Today is my 40th birthday and despite my family doing the best they can and making an effort I feel very low about how low key it has been. It just feels like it's the icing on the cake for a crap year.
I was pregnant this time last yr, missed out on the baby shower, nobody could meet him
When he was born, first Xmas a wash out and now my 40th and most likely his first bday, its all just so crap.

I don't want to let on to my family because they've tried so hard so I've come to lay down as I have a headache.

I hope you feel better tomorrow.

[Eeeeeeeeeeeek]

@fatisnotafeeling happy birthday, I'm sorry its not what you planned, everything is a bit shit at the moment
for everyone feeling low

[JamieFrasersSassenach]

Oh @fatisnotafeeling - you poor thing - Happy Birthday for today. You've had so many special events in your life all 'locked down' - you are very entitled to feel low about it all. It really is very very crap. Sending you lots of and and for today

[JamieFrasersSassenach]

@ssd I really get the constant narrative in your head. I have worried so many times about one of my family getting Covid, and what would I do. What if I get it and end up in hospital etc.
Ds has had a terrible time with his mental health throughout it all and struggled to always engage with his schoolwork.
And then I just force myself back to thinking that actually as long as we all come out of this alive and healthy nothing else really matters that much.
Glad you've managed to get out for a walk - our Ddog has injured her leg so I can't take her out for a walk (& feel guilty if I go without her!!) Hope it helped you

[besos21]

I feel you OP, today has been rough. Was chatting to my Dad earlier and told him I was feeling a bit rough and he said "it sounds like you have too many feelings for one brain today" and really, he was spot on!

[JamieFrasersSassenach]

@besos21 your Dad is spot on!! I've had way too many feelings for my brain today!! Hope you are feeling a bit better now

[ssd]

That's such a good way of putting it @besos21

[ssd]

@fatisnotafeeling happy birthday 🥳, I'm so sorry its been so flat today, really hoping things look better soon

@JamieFrasersSassenach, thanks for your kind words too, this has been a very comforting thread, just to know we are all together.

[JamieFrasersSassenach]

It's been a great help to me to know I'm not alone in how I feel. Happy to keep this thread going if we can prop each other up on it

[ssd]

Same here.

I think just feeling a quiet bond is enough just now, knowing theres people out there supporting each other and understanding the problem.
I've got a dilemma going on, I haven't even spoken to dh about it, I just cant. When I'm worried I go silent and god love him, he hasn't even noticed. I've got a hospital outpatient appointment coming up and all I read or hear is how people are catching covid in hospital. Dh had covid in Oct and I really dont want to get it too. I need examined it cant be done by video. But I'm so scared to go into a hospital. I really don't know what to do and I cant speak to anyone about it.

[JamieFrasersSassenach]

That sounds really hard for you @ssd
We're here if you need to talk

[ssd]

Thanks

I just dont know what to do for the best. In normal times I'd go no bother. But these aren't normal times. I've just read a thread saying how so many people are catching covid in hospital now. Before this I thought a hospital is the last place you want to be in just now, now I need to go. I might wait yo see my appointment letter and phone them up to ask about my worries. I don't think I'm being unreasonable.

[Whattheduck]

@JamieFrasersSassenach
I could have wrote the same post I was awake from 2.00 this morning with scenarios going around my head and awful anxiety.I tried a sleep app but still couldn’t switch off I think I nodded off about 4.45 only to be woke by the milkman going to my neighbours at 5.30.I got up in the end and had a camomile tea and dozed on the sofa
Hope you feel brighter tomorrow

[Athenajm80]

I've just read a book called How to Keep House While Drowning. It's free on Kindle Unlimited and has some really good advice that I'm trying to keep in mind. She says that we have assigned morals to self care tasks, that we're good if we do xyz, therefore bad when we don't do it. Actually tasks aren't moral or immoral, they don't make us good or bad, and we need to change our mindset around things like cleaning, tidying etc.

I'm probably not explaining it very well, but if you have Kindle Unlimited, it's worth a read and is helping me when I don't do much on the weekend or in my free time. She wrote it since Covid I think so is quite apt right now.

[JamieFrasersSassenach]

@ssd do you think your appointment will actually go ahead anyway? I've heard that lots are being cancelled unless absolutely necessary.

Having said that Ds had to have a paediatrician appointment the other week and it was held in a building adjacent to the hospital - the measures in place were brilliant, in one door, no one else in the waiting area, out of a different door after. We literally saw a nurse on reception who also weighed/measured and checked blood pressure for Ds and the consultant. I was really impressed.

I'm sure if you phone once you get your letter and explain how anxious you are they can reassure you about what procedures they have in place.

Something else I have heard from a colleague who has a couple of close relatives working in hospitals is that there is a red area and a green area - red being Covid. The staff in the green area are not allowed into the red area.

I hope that helps

[JamieFrasersSassenach]

@Whattheduck Thank you

I am awake for at least an hour every single night - usually around 3 to 4am. It's awful, I don't even try to get back to sleep now - I get up and give myself the hour and then if I think I will sleep I go back to bed.

These are extraordinary times, none of us have ever experienced anything like it. I do often think it feels like I am living in some sort of apocalyptic film...then I have to stop or I think I would go full blown panic attack.

I hope you are able to sleep better tonight.

[JamieFrasersSassenach]

@Athenajm80 thank you - I have kindle - I will have a look for that book - it sounds really good. I think that is very true that we assign morals to a lot of things that we think we 'should' or 'should not' do.

I'm currently reading a discovery of witches, I'm loving it. I also have a book on audible I'm listening to which is good for helping to calm my brain before I go to bed.

[LochJessMonster]

Had a tough week too. I was assaulted in the street on Monday and it’s really affected me. I wound myself up and got too scared to walk the dog this evening. Need to snap out of it.

[JamieFrasersSassenach]

@LochJessMonster

Had a tough week too. I was assaulted in the street on Monday and it’s really affected me. I wound myself up and got too scared to walk the dog this evening. Need to snap out of it.

Omg - that's awful - are you ok physically?
Would your dog bark if anyone got too close?
Do you have any friends who would walk with you (socially distanced exercise?)

[LochJessMonster]

Physically ok thank you.
He’s a softy but a scary looking breed so I usually feel safe walking with him but the guy threatened to hurt him too. Just a bit jumpy at the moment, and the guy who did it is local too so I’m worried about bumping into him.
I have a friend coming tomorrow to walk the dogs with.

[ssd]

@JamieFrasersSassenach, thanks, I will call them and see what they say.

@LochJessMonster, how awful for you, please be kind to yourself

[JamieFrasersSassenach]

@LochJessMonster were you able to report the assault? That's great that you have a friend to walk with tomorrow