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Holding back DC a year in school. WWYD?

(18 Posts)
Allreadytaken Fri 22-Jan-21 19:10:43

If I keep my DC back a year at school, assuming this is even possible, am I making the right decision?

DC is 4 and has cerebral palsy, with sensory issues and other medical conditions.

We've worked so hard with them and they are a super star in their own right, they have come on so much. They are keeping up with their peers but only just. Mentally they are able to keep up fine but their gross and fine motor skills are, understandably, quite far behind their peers. The sensory issues also make things trickier for them. Add in to the fact they missed a lot of nursery due to lockdown and are now missing a lot of school due to more lockdowns would it be unreasonable to have them start reception again next year.

They have an EHCP and the school are aware of and very supportive of their additional needs, both physical and mentally.

Pros - they gets an extra year to catch up and they know a lot of the children who would be in the new reception class. Physically they would have an extra year to catch up in size, to catch up with motor skills and social skills.

Negatives - they will ask why they aren't
moving up a class when their current class do. Will they be marked out as different? Will they miss their current friends?

Has anyone ever done this for their child? How did it work out?
If you keep a child back a year now does that mean they will always be behind a year? It would seem silly to hold them back then be forced, at some point, to make them jump back into their "proper" year.

Thanks

OP’s posts: |
KindergartenKop Fri 22-Jan-21 20:53:25

It can cause problems when going up to secondary school. They might have to skip year 7. And what if you want them to sit the 11+ but they're only in year 5?

PinkShimmerSparkle Fri 22-Jan-21 21:43:59

As above you need to find out if the secondary school you want then to attend will take them being the year behind that they should be in.
Not all schools accept children a year behind.

peapotter Fri 22-Jan-21 21:53:33

When is your dc’s birthday?

It’s very common here in Scotland if within 6 months. And in some areas in England it’s fine. My brother is delaying entry to reception for his summer born due to developmental concerns from the nursery, standard procedure in his part of England.

I’d check with the school admissions people, to see what the criteria are. It’s becoming more common. Also ask on the Facebook page “flexible school admissions for summer born”. It’s quite common for prem babies too.

Happylittlethoughts Fri 22-Jan-21 22:05:14

Can I just clarify that in Scotland it would be very, very unusual to have a child held back a year once they have started school. I think the previous poster is referring to the fact that children don't have to start school until their 5th year . That deferred year means they continue at Nursery or home They don't start school and repeat years.
As your child has already started school I don't know if its possible to repeat a year. Its not usually advised, but under the circumstances of physical capabilities and the very young age I think it would be a positive move if you could swing it.

MoonriseKingdom Fri 22-Jan-21 22:36:48

I would have thought a possible stumbling block would be whether there would be space in Reception. Infant class sizes are very strict and Reception class application date has passed. Unless they are under filled there may just not be a space for him to stay even if it is what is best for him.

peapotter Fri 22-Jan-21 22:44:26

Sorry, Happylittlethoughts is correct, I missed the part where you said she’d already started school.

thelegohooverer Fri 22-Jan-21 22:57:42

I’m in Ireland and this happens from time to time. In our school the dc were told that the child staying back had been picked to be the new teacher’s special helper with the incoming class.
I’m really surprised that there would be issues at secondary age in England. Here the biggest problem would be whether you’d be in a different age band from your pals at football.
On the whole it sounds like it would be beneficial and hopefully the school have form for handling it sensitively.

BaronessVonCake Fri 22-Jan-21 23:13:08

A child in DC's class was held back a year by his parents because they felt he wasn't ready to start school at 4. His mum then said the school 'forced' him to go into the correct term- so going from year 2 to year 4 missing out year 3 completely. She said it was because the local high schools would not allow him to attend unless in the correct cohort for his age.

His mum said he has struggled a bit from missing out a whole school year - academically and in leaving behind an established friendship group.

So perhaps check that both primary and potential high schools are happy to have DC in the same cohort all the way through school before you decide?

cautiouscovidity Fri 22-Jan-21 23:29:33

Is your DC summer-born (April-Aug)? If so - and assuming you're in England- you have the right to insist on delayed entry to reception, especially if they were premature so effectively start school in the wrong year to when they should've been born.
It may be more complicated as your child has already started school and also that the deadline for applying for a 2021 reception place was 15th Jan. If your school is over-subscribed you may not be able to get a place in next year's reception class now.
I'd talk to your headteacher ASAP.

PamDenick Fri 22-Jan-21 23:32:26

I don’t understand your post. Who are ‘they’? Twins?

But some areas it’s no trouble at all...

greyinganddecaying Fri 22-Jan-21 23:45:25

In terms of secondary school, schools need to demonstrate that it's in the child's best interests to make them miss a year if they've previously delayed entry to school.

Although some schools still try to have a blanket rule, it's technically not allowed

PinkShimmerSparkle Fri 22-Jan-21 23:57:59

@Allreadytaken I think you need to clarify where you are as it appears it’s different rules in different countries.

ImNotWhoYouThinkIam Sat 23-Jan-21 00:01:14

My DS dropped back a year and went from year 11 to year 10. It wasn't an easy decision, and he was part of that decision as he was old enough to have an input.

Hes an August baby, and had always been at the bottom end of his classes educationally, mentally and physically. He was subject to low level bullying, especially at secondary school. He has suspected SEN but when he was assessed they sais he was on the border of needing a diagnosis. Eventually, due to all of that he developed anxiety and started refusing to go to school. He missed nearly all of year 10. We finally got school to agree that moving schools would be beneficial, and found a school that he liked and had space. He started his new school in year 11. They wouldn't agree to drop him back until he proved he would attend regularly. After Christmas they finally gave him the go ahead to drop back to year 10. School had to get permission from the LEA because ultimately he will be in school for an extra year. (Joke is that he dropped back to his new year group. Then covid came along and he's hardly been in school again grin)

So it can be done. But had we dropped him back at primary school I don't know what would have happened when he started secondary. And deferring their start wasn't an option when he was 4, he had to start when he was meant to, or miss reception altogether and go into year 1 with the children he should have been with.

caringcarer Sat 23-Jan-21 00:02:40

I did not know parents could request an extra year at school. I thought each child had funding for reception to up to Year 13.

ImNotWhoYouThinkIam Sat 23-Jan-21 00:09:59

You have to have a really solid reason for it @caringcarer. We really had to fight our case for why it was better for DS. Luckily his new headteacher completely agreed with us but he had to persuade the head of the academy trust and the LEA.

Nat6999 Sat 23-Jan-21 00:22:02

My friends ds is starting school a year late, his birthday is August 30. He is autistic with ADHD, is still in nappies age 4, doesn't sleep, can't sit still for longer than 2 minutes. His mum has been homeschooling him since the first lockdown & in some things he is far advanced a reception child but in behaviour & skills like toileting, dressing himself etc he is a long way behind.

Allreadytaken Sat 23-Jan-21 05:53:50

Thank you everyone so much for your replies, this has given me and DH lots to think about. I'd never even considered if the reception class for next year would be full! blush.

We are England, not Scotland. I really feel there should be one rule about this for everyone to make it simpler for parents.

I think, based on what you have all said, we will speak with his teacher to get their input further on where he is educationally and socially. Last contact, which was very recently, the general consensus was he is almost there with his peers but not quite. And then from that we will speak to contact we have at the LEA and get their opinions. He loves school and I feel if he starts to fall behind, through no fault of his own, he might lose that love of it. However I think if we keep him behind (again assuming this is possible) he might then find it all too easy! If physically he could keep up easier then I maybe wouldn't be questioning this so much but his physical disability, and then further SEN on top, just makes it tricky. Personal care is difficult which I think marks him out, whereas another year to work on those skills would make him feel more in line with his peers. School are very inclusive and in no way has he ever been made to feel that his differences are a negative but he is aware of them now and he doesn't like it. His penmanship is very poor although he really tries, an extra year would allow him, again, chance to catch up etc.

The dilemmas of parenthood....!

Thanks again everyone smile

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