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Feeling guilty

(7 Posts)
Andrea87 Mon 18-Jan-21 10:22:32

There are times I feel really down and yet I have a good life on the whole - a lovely husband, 2 great children, a home, food, warmth, money worries no more than most people in these challenging times but then I get bouts of sadness.
Yes I have worries about someone’s health close to me if they get this wretched virus so I am over anxious, I have not seen my parents since last year because of COVID , i was made redundant and lost a job I loved and feel irrelevant which was a real blow but so many others are in the boat, I have been disappointed by a couple of ‘good’ friends recently , so all comparatively little things.
However when I see the news of how people live in other parts of the world and have so very little , or are really ill in hospital , I feel so guilty because I have so much in comparison and still feel down.
Am I being unreasonable to feeling low and just need to pull myself together?

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maxelly Mon 18-Jan-21 17:10:46

Hi, I'm sorry you've had no replies, this board moves quickly so hopefully this will bump you up a bit.

You are totally, 100% not UR flowers. You've had a tough time, your feelings are what they are, its not a competition as to who has it worse - if it was no-one in the western world would ever be 'allowed' to feel sad or down as realistically we are all incredibly privileged compared to what happens in other parts of the world but of course we all feel low occasionally. You sound a bit as though you are in a bit of a spiral, you feel down then feel guilty for feeling that way and so then you feel worse, and so on?

I know it's a bit of a trite analogy but I do like to compare mental health to physical health in my own mind, we all get a cough or cold every so often and the lurgy/urgh feeling of that is real and valid, even though of course it in no way compares to the pain of a broken leg, say, which in turn is nothing compared to the total debilitation and devastation of terminal cancer. That doesn't mean it is inappropriate, selfish or wrong to look after yourself and seek care/support when you have a cold, it's totally the right thing to do and means you will get better quicker. It doesn't mean you shouldn't seek medical attention when you break your leg, yes perhaps you don't expect to jump the queue in A&E or receive the same level of intense medical care and attention as the cancer patient but that doesn't make the pain any less real or genuine because it's 'just' a broken leg (I can definitely assert that having broken limbs a few times grin).

In just the same way, you should acknowledge your emotions/mental health and seek care and support appropriately. Some things can be massively improved just by simple self-care like taking regular exercise outdoors, meditation/mindfulness, eating well, getting enough sleep, making time for yourself and your hobbies, not drinking too much, things like that. Sometimes, like having a cold or similar, you just have to live with the rubbish feelings for a while and they naturally start to resolve and you feel better little by little. Opening up to friends and family can be a massive help as well, you'd be surprised how common your experience is. Sometimes that's not quite enough and you might want to talk to your GP about some more support/treatment, don't feel as though you would be wasting time or trivialize how you feel, that's their job not yours. Medical attention can't 'fix' how you feel and sometimes there are waits for treatment but there are things which can help...

Good luck!

maxelly Mon 18-Jan-21 17:18:28

Sorry by my last line I didn't mean it's the GP's job to trivialise your feelings although some seem to think it is grin

What I meant is its their job to assess you and decide what treatment if any is appropriate, don't be put off seeing them and seeking advice just because you think they won't do anything, as so many do. Silly story, many years ago I fell off a horse and clearly had hurt my ankle as I couldn't walk on it at all and it was swollen and painful, resisted pressure to go to A&E or the doctors as 'they'll only tell me it's sprained and do nothing', well I really should have gone because it transpired it was broken and while there wasn't much to be done it really should have been properly strapped up and I should have had crutches which, of course, made my life immediately easier. Just the same way I think people struggle on with their mental health and don't ask for help, because they think there's nothing or not much that can be done. But even if they are right, the 'not much' can make all the difference and you won't know if you don't ask...

WishingHopingThinkingPraying Mon 18-Jan-21 17:23:16

YADNBU. People with comfortable lives and no 'worries' get depression and clinical anxiety every day. It's an illness. And it doesn't necessarily discriminate. Situational stuff can cause it but also chemical and physical reasons. Sometimes a mix of them all. Maybe even no real reason sometimes.

So if you are ill, and don't assume you're not because you have an ok situation, don't blame yourself and look for some support.

Andrea87 Mon 18-Jan-21 22:33:53

Thank you very much for your comments.
I had some CBT after my redundancy, which helped just talking through stuff with someone else, but that was pre COVID and the challenges this has brought. Maybe it’s time to ask for a bit more help again .
I am trying to start a new business which is so out of my comfort zone but it’s keeping me occupied mentally rather than sitting around watching daytime tv, so a bit of a double edged sword as I go from a high to a low as things go well or not.
I really appreciate you taking the time to respond, thank you

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WishingHopingThinkingPraying Mon 18-Jan-21 22:45:28

Sounds like you are generally a resilient person @Andrea87. But that won't fully protect you so do get some support and keep a close eye on whether you really are coping or not. There's no shame in making sure you are as well as you can be.

Andrea87 Tue 19-Jan-21 00:52:20

Thank you, I shall do.
I have high hopes that once we can go back to some sense of normality and I can see my parents again , not worry about this virus making my other half seriously ill and getting back to my normal work which I love , plus so many other things I took for granted, life will be great again.
Thank you 😊

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