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It's a question of morals...

(22 Posts)
shouldhavecalleditoatabix Mon 18-Jan-21 01:03:55

I am a cop. Don't hate me. It's just what I do. I am also an admin for a small time community Facebook page.

The dilemma. (I'm trying to change small details to keep it anonymous).
Publicly known:A 25 year old male died in a tragic car crash. He had a young girlfriend pregnant with his child. She is devastated and her friend posts a 'gofundme' link to raise money for the mother and baby on the community page (approved by another admin, not me). I do not know if this relationship was genuine or if she is cashing in on the opportunity (sorry, I know that sounds mercenary)

Also in the public domain: said male was convicted for child abduction and went to prison as he was dating and having sexual relations with a 14 year old child despite warnings and police restrictions. He served prison time and was a registered sex offender as a result.

What I know because of my job. He was dating another young female (16 years) when he crashed ( not his pregnant girlfriend). He was heavily intoxicated and crashed under the influence. He risked the lives of 2 young passengers due to his intoxicated driving.

Do you allow the gofundme post to continue with people's wish's of RIP? Freedom of speech and it's up to people to research before they donate?

Or, delete post because it isn't what it seems...

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fmlfmlfmlfm Mon 18-Jan-21 01:06:25

Tough one.

I'm sure someone will come up with the truth soon enough. Allow it and watch for the shit show.

Maybe a comment saying

Admin turned off comments due to post being reported due to other issues have left up for now. People will get curious and have a google x

WitchesNest Mon 18-Jan-21 01:06:54

But the post is to raise money to support his unborn child, not to support him?

shouldhavecalleditoatabix Mon 18-Jan-21 01:12:17

WitchesNest

But the post is to raise money to support his unborn child, not to support him?


Yes it appears to be so. The cynical side of me would say that people are cashing in on his death. But the other side tells me I'm a bad person for thinking that way and his child deserves a good start in life

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shouldhavecalleditoatabix Mon 18-Jan-21 01:12:54

The go fund me is a full of 'he was an amazing guy' and 'he would have been an incredible father' comments

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shouldhavecalleditoatabix Mon 18-Jan-21 01:14:16

fmlfmlfmlfm

Tough one.

I'm sure someone will come up with the truth soon enough. Allow it and watch for the shit show.

Maybe a comment saying

Admin turned off comments due to post being reported due to other issues have left up for now. People will get curious and have a google x


That's actually a good idea. I really hate anyone being taken advantage of or fraudulent charity. I'm struggling with whether this fits that criteria

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DamnBadLuck Mon 18-Jan-21 01:15:26

Ugh - must be difficult to read that knowing his background.

fmlfmlfmlfm Mon 18-Jan-21 01:17:15

Good luck.

Or maybe a

Admin has no responsibility for the production of go fund me's and it is up to the donator to research the project they are donating. Covers all bases x

SleepingStandingUp Mon 18-Jan-21 01:17:35

Even if he was a total shit, you've said nothing to suggest she is, or that she was a one night stand who's now claiming it's his baby for the money. I don't think HIS morals should stop people helping HER and the BABY.

shouldhavecalleditoatabix Mon 18-Jan-21 01:18:29

DamnBadLuck

Ugh - must be difficult to read that knowing his background.


It really is. But it's also conflicted. He wasn't a predator. He was a stupid kid that didn't grow up and thought he was invincible. His death really shook me.

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PolPotNoodle Mon 18-Jan-21 01:18:44

Honestly I think you stop being an administrator of that group for a start.

I work in a tangent field to yours and I'm aware that people will know his convictions and still think he was a good person (to them) and would have been a good father. Your views on him won't be the feelings of everyone.

Certainly what you know about him because of your job cannot influence how you deal with the page.

shouldhavecalleditoatabix Mon 18-Jan-21 01:19:15

SleepingStandingUp

Even if he was a total shit, you've said nothing to suggest she is, or that she was a one night stand who's now claiming it's his baby for the money. I don't think HIS morals should stop people helping HER and the BABY.


You make a good point. I know literally nothing about her.

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shouldhavecalleditoatabix Mon 18-Jan-21 01:21:49

PolPotNoodle

Honestly I think you stop being an administrator of that group for a start.

I work in a tangent field to yours and I'm aware that people will know his convictions and still think he was a good person (to them) and would have been a good father. Your views on him won't be the feelings of everyone.

Certainly what you know about him because of your job cannot influence how you deal with the page.


You make an interesting point. I took on the role in the summer without any forethought really. On the whole I stay away from any direct interaction and stick to approving/removing/declining posts. I do not engage on the actual page very much because it could be a conflict of interests. I'm took it on to stop the page folding. It definitely has a shelf life

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LochJessMonster Mon 18-Jan-21 01:24:07

You need to allow it because you are getting the two roles (admin and cop) mixed up and over stepping.

But worrying you think a convicted child sexual offender isn’t a predator but just a ‘stupid kid’

shouldhavecalleditoatabix Mon 18-Jan-21 01:25:05

@PolPotNoodle I also recognise my personal knowledge absolutely should not influence how I deal with posts but it would be ignorant of me to say it doesn't.

That's one of the reasons I posted here. If I had my way I would never approve any gofundme pages simply because there is so much fraud out there and even when it isn't fraudulent it is often different to the reality

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Emeraldshamrock Mon 18-Jan-21 01:27:58

I'm sure his reputation will be preceding him.
If it was shared on the page I'd leave it be those who want to donate will, the money is for those left behind he won't be getting it I'd ignore it and feel pity for his victims. Everyone's someone's son/brother/love.
To add nothing wrong with being a cop you're the first call when in distressing times for many. flowers

shouldhavecalleditoatabix Mon 18-Jan-21 01:33:20

@Emeraldshamrock thank you. It's kind of you to say so. The job is tough and it hardens our hearts so sometimes I reach out to see if I'm skewed in my views (normally the consensus is that I am!).

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PolPotNoodle Mon 18-Jan-21 01:36:22

There you go then, leave it up and find a way to replace your role. It's not worth having to think this much and ultimately put your professional conduct in question over a facebook group. The only time you should be worrying about whether a GFM page is fraudulent is if you are investigating it at the day job.

Smallonesaremorejuicy Mon 18-Jan-21 02:12:07

Leave the page be , whatever is raised is for the mother & unborn child .

agatkie93 Mon 18-Jan-21 02:41:48

The guy is dead, it doesn't really matter anymore what kind of person he was and the RIP wishes should be left too. The money is going to the mother and baby and unless you have actual proof that she is commiting a fraud, then it's not your place to be the judge. Imagine if this is not a fraud but a genuine case of a devastated pregnant woman who just lost her partner (even if he was a piece of shit), and you are going too delete the page and cause even more pain to that woman. I say leave it be, least harm done this way.

HerNameIsIncontinentiaButtocks Mon 18-Jan-21 02:44:31

The GFM is for her and the baby, not for him. I'd let it stand, but the suggestion to recuse yourself from this particular role is a good one.

Terracottasaur Mon 18-Jan-21 02:54:23

I would have a generic ban on gofundmes etc for this reason

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