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DF has cancer and I can't see him

(7 Posts)
Shallow07 Sat 16-Jan-21 10:25:14

I know this will be familiar to many of you but it doesn't make it any less hard sad my much loved DF has been diagnosed with cancer, which has unfortunately spread. We don't know how far, but the little I know doesn't sound good. He's going for more tests next week.

Because of stupid fucking Covid, they barely know my DD, who has just turned 1 even though we only live a few miles away. We're bubbling with my in-laws (as permitted by the restrictions for children born before 2/12/20) who I wasn't even speaking to a couple of years ago because of some historic shit that MIL pulled which isn't relevant here. It just somehow adds insult to injury that I can't be with and support my parents, but I'd never risk DF's health.

DH has taken over with DD as I'm not really coping. We knew he likely had cancer but only had it confirmed yesterday and found out potentially how serious it is. How do you get through this? I've barely slept

OP’s posts: |
supersonicginandtonic Sat 16-Jan-21 10:34:05

Is he at home? Why can't you go and see him in his garden or stand on his drive and talk to him at his door?
You are allowed to see relatives if they are ill. It's within the rules. If he's in hospital I'd speak to the ward staff. They are usually compassionate.
So sorry this is happening to you xx

Doffodils Sat 16-Jan-21 10:35:11

I have similar thing with DH, who's currently in hospital so although we live together, I can't see him.

Those first few days everything is thrown into chaos in your head but it does settle and you get down to doing what needs doing and the news re treatment etc becomes clearer.

Can you change your bubble? Would you want to see him anyway, as he's so ill?

If it's just about the rules, I believe there are exceptions for serious illness, but if not, I'd be inclined to break them, having assessed the risks.

CountessFrog Sat 16-Jan-21 10:39:48

I’d change the bubble too

DianaT1969 Sat 16-Jan-21 10:49:45

Sorry for your bad news. I hope he can get treatment.
The reason you can't see him is because you don't want to risk giving him Covid. Is that right? So the bubble with your MIL is irrelevant. If your DH and MIL can cope without you, how about moving in with your parents after a negative test and isolation?

Shallow07 Sat 16-Jan-21 10:50:27

He's not ill, in the day to day. He feels fine in himself, which is at least something as it would be worse if he was in pain sad. Both parents are terrified of catching Covid and are bubbling with DSis, who spends half the week with them.

When she's at home, she shields to protect my Dad, doesn't even go for a walk. It's kind of worse that we can't all be together but she can still see them, even though I totally understand why. She has quite severe MH problems and lives alone

OP’s posts: |
Shallow07 Thu 21-Jan-21 10:31:18

Hi, just resurrecting this to see if anyone has any tips on getting through this. My mind is running 10,000 miles ahead of where it should be but my body feels like it's moving through treacle sad my poor DD is watching a lot of Cbeebies while I doom-scroll the internet. It's so sad my Dad and her are missing out on being together. I hate this virus.

OP’s posts: |

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