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I’m not ok either

(13 Posts)
OddshoesOddsocks Thu 14-Jan-21 12:08:53

I’m not expecting anything from this thread, I just need to get it out.

I’m not ok. I saw a thread entitled similar the other day.

I’ve gone from maternity to furlough, so my income has gone down 3 times since last March. I know I’m lucky to have a job etc but I’m on very little income now. Dp’s income covers rent, maintenance for his children and car expenses. It goes no further so my wage is supposed to cover bills and everything else which it just about did pre maternity and I was due a pay rise last year which was cancelled due to Covid.

I’m homeschooling 2 children with a teething 8 month old who seems immune to sleep day and night.

There is never a moment in the day where I’m alone, there is no one sat on me, clinging to me, asking me something, for something, to do something, to find something or making a noise or doing something stupid.
The dog constantly barks, the baby constantly cries, there’s moans about homeschooling and ‘how come she gets to do that when I have to do this?’ Erm... because she’s 5 and you’re 9....

I’ve had my first post baby period this week so my mood is especially low

We’ve had a bailiff round today. We’ve got 2 bailiff worthy debts at the moment and I don’t have the headspace or the child free time to deal with them. I just want to email to explain and plead my case but there is no way of contacting a real person other than by phone. They don’t care about Covid related financial problems because ‘it’s the same for everyone’. Bastards. I’m trying to pay everything but there’s just not enough money. We’re not entitled to help, we’re mere pence over the cut off.

I’ve got plenty of friends but no one to really talk to. Everyone’s having a shitty time, everyone’s got their battles.

Dp works so hard, he’s asleep within half an hour of having dinner.

I’m spent.

I’ve tried to keep so positive throughout all this. We’re lucky in so many ways but today I just can’t. I’m mentally exhausted by it all.

Thank you for reading if you got to the end. I just needed to get it all out. X

OP’s posts: |
3rdNamechange Thu 14-Jan-21 12:13:35

Oh that sounds horrible.
Can you speak to Step Change or CAP about debts?
Can you get out for a walk when your husband is at home ? If not evenings, weekends ?
Don't stress too much about the homeschooling.
Don't worry about having a TV day here a d there.
Hope things get better soon.

Wigglegiggle0520 Thu 14-Jan-21 12:14:46

flowers OP that sounds so hard.

Do you have a support bubble? Can anyone have the baby for a bit to give you a break? Even if your DH takes some leave?

Hopefully someone will be along with better advice but didn’t want to read and run.

Mol1628 Thu 14-Jan-21 12:17:30

I’m sorry. It’s so very hard.

Can you sack off the home schooling and make sure everyone gets out for a good walk? Dog included?

grool Thu 14-Jan-21 12:19:58

I'm so sorry OP, that sounds incredibly tough.
I don't have any fantastic wordsof wisdom, but I just wanted to let you know you're not the only one feeling this way. I especially relate to the part where you said you're never left alone, always someone sitting on you, clinging to you etc, as that's how I feel at the moment and its suffocating.
Sending you a hug, I'll join you in the "life is shit and we're not ok" club!

Batteryislow Thu 14-Jan-21 12:36:52

Do step change today! Just call them, they saved us when things went arse up financially when dh had cancer treatment last year. Then the bailiffs can't touch you.

I feel you about the lack of personal time/space.

It's hard, really hard.


OddshoesOddsocks Thu 14-Jan-21 13:10:50

Thank you everyone, it feels good to get it out and to know that I’m not alone. Thank you for all your kind words and I hope you all have people supporting you too flowers

Suffocating is such a good word, it really it. I feel utterly suffocated and at the moment there’s just no escape. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow on my own, I’m looking forward to it as if it’s a spa day!

I’m in a support bubble with my mum and dad who live close by but I’m reluctant to let the kids go over too much. If they passed anything onto them I’d feel awful. Not that we have symptoms but with dp still working you just never know do you?

We usually go for a walk every morning before starting school work but it’s been raining sideways here all day so we haven’t yet. I’ll get up out and blow the cobwebs away once the rain eases!

I’ll look at step change now, thank you for the suggestion smile at least it shows I’m trying doesn’t it?

Thank you again everyone, you’ve made me feel a little brighter x

OP’s posts: |
NamechangedHelpPlease Thu 14-Jan-21 19:37:07

Wow that sounds really tough. I feel for you.
My suggestion would be to contact the people/organisations you owe money to and explain to avoid escalating costs associated with bailiffs etc.
Could the maintenance your partner pays be reduced since your overall income has gone down and your expenses have gone up with baby?
Do you qualify for any benefits since income lower and another child?
Has your partner looked at anyway you can cut back expenditure?
Can he help you in anyway with children?
Do you have a single friend or parent that you can bubble with to help?

I hope things improve. Best wishes. You are not alone

Notyourcat Thu 14-Jan-21 20:28:44

I am so sorry it sounds utterly shit. It’s the lack of quiet time or space to recharge your batteries, alongside the relentless day to day grind. Can you work at all as well as furlough? Many jobs allow you do a second job and surpringly, there are a fair few jobs around both online and face to face. I am guessing that you probably aren’t getting the child free time to do this. I can pm you some job openings you can do from home if you are able to. Otherwise, have a flowers and please hold on- one day at a time.

OddshoesOddsocks Thu 14-Jan-21 21:13:10

Thank you both for your suggestions smile

His expenditures can’t really come down much more unfortunately. He’s already driving a cheap car, a company van most of the time, and he’s doing dry January so no beer money either! He really doesn’t spend much money at all as his essential outgoings are so high.
I can and have reigned in the spending. Not that I was spending lots but when you don’t have lots to begin with every penny counts doesn’t it!

He is helpful when he’s home but he’s just as tired as me, bless him, I don’t know how he does it. He saw what a crap day I’d had today so sent me off for a shower after dinner and is sorting the kitchen out. There’s just always so much to do isn’t there?

We’re bubbled with my parents who live near by but my dad is funny about us going round, not because he doesn’t want us to, he’s just scared of catching COVID. My mum is supportive and does a lot for us but she doesn’t know about the debt. I know I should tell her but I just can’t bring myself to.

Work isn’t an option unfortunately, either in the home or out. I bought myself a photography course for Xmas that I haven’t even looked at because the kids didn’t go back to school 😂 I had big plans of going for walks with pram and the camera!

Tomorrow I’ve got the dentist and a quick stop at Tesco’s whilst the kids stay in the car with my mum so that’s a break from the grind.... sad that that’s what it’s come to isn’t it?! 😂

OP’s posts: |
DobbleDobble Thu 14-Jan-21 21:21:10

Tomorrow why don’t you see if your mum could come back to yours after and either talk to her about it all , problem shared problem halved, I’m sure she’s aware of things being tough but perhaps not how tough.Then ask her to mind the kids 40 minutes whilst you call stepchange or payplan.
Within half an hour of doing that call I’m sure you will be slightly relieved that they can help you sort your finances out.
I spent 5 years in a debt repayment plan with payplan and never had to face bailiffs at door thankfully.

CurbsideProphet Thu 14-Jan-21 22:05:52

@OddshoesOddsocks that all sounds very draining. Please do look at Step Change, Christians Against Poverty, or Citizens Advice.
I want to advise you to be careful as there are companies trying to manipulate search engines to guide you away from the real Step Change and into their service that you will be charged for. Step Change are a debt charity and do not charge a fee for their service. Christians Against Poverty and Citizens Advice also offer free advice and services.

OddshoesOddsocks Sun 17-Jan-21 21:26:49

Hi everyone, just checking in to say thank you again. I’ve been filling in a form on the Stepchange website over the last few days and am going to ring the people we owe money to tomorrow to offer the repayment plan that they have suggested. I feel a lot more in control now. Thank you again for all your help flowers

OP’s posts: |

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