People who are always right and how to deal

(21 Posts)
LadyOfTheFlowers Wed 13-Jan-21 11:11:38

Apart from unfriending them, how do you cope with people like this?
Someone who you cannot possibly have a sensible debate with.

Anything you say is 9 times out of 10 wrong, they know everything about everything - even if they genuinely have no experience in that field, if you ever politely pull them up for something there is a reason they did/said it that isn't their fault, if you've had a bad day and just want to moan and for someone to agree with you and make you feel better they will ALWAYS take the side of the other person or whatever it is.

I often don't bother to start conversation that I know will end this way now. If it does end this way I end up saying 'Ok' or just say nothing but even that is frustrating me now and I've just had to walk away a few times lately.

They do have redeeming features - an awful lot of fun to be around, considerate, supportive when needed.

Also, any ideas why some people are like this?

TIA

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LadyOfTheFlowers Wed 13-Jan-21 11:49:05

And also everything you say is "I know"

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SassenachWitch Wed 13-Jan-21 11:49:09

I see you've met my Mother? grin

It's exhausting people around people who are always right, with my mother I find myself nodding and umming a lot. Some days, if I have the energy, I'll argue back/correct her.

She also has a tendency to make everything about her, so if I say I'm tired, she'll be the most tired person that ever walked the earth.

I'm not sure I'd choose to be friends with someone like this, I love my mom and she does have other redeeming features, but she's hard work.

LadyOfTheFlowers Wed 13-Jan-21 11:50:05

Ah yes, I'd forgotten that - they are always more tired, or more ill

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TwoHundredThousandTimes Wed 13-Jan-21 11:54:46

I am reminded of a former friend who was always right about everything, always had an opinion of what she thought you should do in any situation and always was willing to share it lioudly

She ended up finishing the friendship because she had very strong opinions about the immorality of private schooling and we sent DS1 to a private school. After attacking us roundly for being social climbing tory voting arseholes she finished the friendship.

So there is your solution. Send your kids to private schools. grin

(Just joking before someone jumps on me).

It's very wearing though.

sueelleker Wed 13-Jan-21 12:09:56

My Mum had a friend like this-we just agreed with her and changed the subject. Not worth arguing with her.

pleasefeedthecat Wed 13-Jan-21 12:29:35

Look up the Dunning Kruger effect.

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LadyJaye Wed 13-Jan-21 12:34:37

We call this 'the Elevenerife Principle' in our house - as in if you've been to Tenerife, they've been to Elevenerife. grin

See also: Misery Olympians.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale Wed 13-Jan-21 12:36:39

Just dont think of them as anything other than a fair weather friend. Enjoy their company, dont enter into any meaningful discussions.

Spaghettio Wed 13-Jan-21 12:54:17

This is my BiL.

He once lectured me on The Great Barrier Reef (i'm Australian), pregnancy and labour (I was pregnant) and maternity leave (I worked in HR). 🙄

We left Christmas early that year! 😂

Now I only see him once/twice a year and I keep it superficial. We also ensure that when we see him that there are other people around. Luckily the kids are always bugging me so I spend lots of time dealing with them (even if they don't want me to! 😆)

EggBobbin Wed 13-Jan-21 13:03:43

My former friend was like this. Once she told me I was interesting to have around because I always played devil’s advocate and made contrary statements to keep conversation interesting- err, those are my genuinely held world views!

It was so impossible for her to imagine I genuinely didn’t vote Tory/want the gender pay gap to change/think it’s not ok to imitate a black neighbour in a pseudo-Jamaican accent etc etc.... She really believed I just said this stuff to provoke conversation with her!

We did eventually fall out after I was in the middle of my divorce and couldn’t attend a party... she invited ExH and OW in my place and calmly told me she’d forgiven them both for their affair and I should too grin It’s funny now but at the time it was all rather surreal...

LadyOfTheFlowers Wed 13-Jan-21 13:28:30

Thanks for all your replies grin

So many of your examples are also familiar

The latest one where I walked away was where I was being told I didn't know what I was talking about regarding dogs and everything they said was right - I've owned and successfully trained 5 dogs to be obedient and this person is 1 year into ownership of their first dog. I couldn't even muster a hmm face, I just had to leave

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TwoHundredThousandTimes Wed 13-Jan-21 13:44:14

I am thinking of so many examples now!

I once went on a beach holiday with a colleague I did not know very well. She regaled me nonstop at how good she was at everything. I then went horseriding on the beach and she came to me and held the stirrup and said 'You need to keep your heels' down. I said thanks and trotted off and went cantering and galloping. When I came back she just said 'You should not canter with horse you do not know' and ignored me for the rest of the weekend.

Pity that. If she had asked I could have told her I used to own horses and was a keen eventer. grin

BearSoFair Wed 13-Jan-21 13:50:26

Sounds like SIL! A couple of years ago a family BBQ almost descended into chaos because she was adamant that (for the sake of a sum, I can't remember the exact one!) 9x0 was 9...can't even remember how bloody multiplication even came up as a topic but even the kids were explaining to her if you have something 0 times, the answer can only be 0. In the end she declared that "well maths must have changed since I was at school but if the 9 items exist then it can't be zero and that's the end of it." before stropping off with a hot dog to dunk her feet in the paddling pool grin

sueelleker Wed 13-Jan-21 14:59:43

LadyJaye

We call this 'the Elevenerife Principle' in our house - as in if you've been to Tenerife, they've been to Elevenerife. grin

See also: Misery Olympians.

Or as Shirley Valentine said "if you've been to paradise she's got a season ticket".

WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo Wed 13-Jan-21 15:02:28

If there's one good thing to have come from this pandemic its that I no longer have to see my one of "these people" most days. I did have to mute the WhatsApp group we are in yesterday before I lost it with her there though grin

Truelymadlydeeplysomeonesmum Wed 13-Jan-21 15:10:52

Oh dear sounds like me.

I can only speak for myself. It isn't something I can help. Though I do try not to be like this. Only after a conversation do I realise I have behaved this way.

Humor is one of my tools to stop me sounding too know it all. People often think I am just joking when I correct them. Which is probably for the best.

Those that are close to me I think figure my positive qualities out weight this negative. I have a very strong sense of loyalty, am supportive and your life is probably better with me on your side.

Sorry I am a total arse and know it all some times grin

Phlicker Wed 13-Jan-21 15:11:36

Oh yes. My best friend's husband. Whatever it is he has done it better, bigger, further and you are doing it wrong. He only speaks he doesn't ever listen to what you say. And he's a GP.

isseys4xmastinselcats Wed 13-Jan-21 16:24:41

i just say to them it must be hard work staying up on that pedestal waiting for someone to knock you off it works every time

bananaboats Wed 13-Jan-21 16:24:45

My DM can be like this, always thinks she knows best and very my way or no way! The only way I find is to go along with it and privately do my own thing. I don't think I could ever be actively friends with someone who behaves that way though, I wouldn't have the patience for it on a regular basis!

TwoHundredThousandTimes Wed 13-Jan-21 16:58:58

Phlicker

Oh yes. My best friend's husband. Whatever it is he has done it better, bigger, further and you are doing it wrong. He only speaks he doesn't ever listen to what you say. And he's a GP.

My Father calls these people 'FIG JAM' (Fuck I'm Good, Just Ask Me).

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