Do you have any secrets that could ruin someone's life?

(238 Posts)
LivingInAPrettyWorld Sun 10-Jan-21 11:33:50

Just something I've been thinking about. A few years ago in my mid 20s I was friends with a much older man at work, who I saw as a fatherly /grandfather figure. I was going through a rough time with my mental health, plus bereavements and I had no friends or family support. He was there for me and I used him as a confidant and shoulder to cry on, so to speak.

I was naive and really did think saw me in a similar way - like a daughter or niece or something. I was also emotionally all over the place so I didn't see the signs, which looking back were there. One day in his car he held me against the seat and kissed me on my mouth, and put his hands up my thigh, and up the back of my top. I was so stunned and tried to move back but he wouldn't let me move and kept moving my head back. Fortunately it didn't go any further than that. He then told me he was in love with me and never felt like that about anyone.

I didn't tell anyone because I think people would have thought I led him on as I put myself in that situation. I never met him alone again, and he turned quite nasty towards me as well as tried to manipulate me. He has a wife who obviously hasn't a clue. It would bring her world crashing down if she knew and I'm sure if she did, she would blame me as I know she was besotted with him. It will be a secret I take to the grave as I'm so ashamed about it and how dumb I have been.

OP’s posts: |
SendHelp30 Sun 10-Jan-21 11:35:25

Yep. One involves a very well known premier league footballer who my friend has children with.
One involves a former colleague.
One is my auntie.

EuroTrashed Sun 10-Jan-21 11:36:59

Yes. One is an MP but she looks like she’ll get what she deserves without me having to intervene.

Horehound Sun 10-Jan-21 11:37:34

@SendHelp30 does the footballer pay her money for the children?

something2say Sun 10-Jan-21 11:37:41

OP, you weren't dumb. X never think that again.

ichundich Sun 10-Jan-21 11:39:02

Yes, I have a friend who cheated on her husband and he doesn't know. I would never tell him though as it would break the whole family.

Bunnybigears Sun 10-Jan-21 11:39:31

Yep but it would also ruin some lovely innocent peoples lives so I will never tell.


wizzywig Sun 10-Jan-21 11:40:07

Op you didn't do anything wrong. Similar happened to me as an adult, it's horrible and confusing. You think as an adult you can deal with those situations but sometimes you can't.

Cavagirl Sun 10-Jan-21 11:40:25

Gosh so sorry that happened to you OP.

Yes - thinking about it. A friend's affair. Long over and we aren't really friends anymore. I'm pretty sure I'm the only person she told as we were quite close at the time. I would have zero reason to ever tell anyone though. She's still married and happily so it seems. I wonder if she ever remembers that she told me.

ladygracie Sun 10-Jan-21 11:41:11

Yes I do but as bunnybigears said, innocent lives would also be ruined so I won’t ever tell.

Whatwouldscullydo Sun 10-Jan-21 11:41:30

Quite possibly. But there are kids involved so I kept quiet. They weren't/aren't in any danger.

BestJamInTheVillage Sun 10-Jan-21 11:43:13

Yep I’ve got one about a mum at the school everyone’s wondering why we’ve fell out. I’m keeping mum but it’s because she’s a swinger who tried to take advantage of a drunk situation.
My mil is seeing a married man I think she’s disgusting but for the sake I’ve dh I’m staying quiet.

BestJamInTheVillage Sun 10-Jan-21 11:43:35

Of dh*

justanotherneighinparadise Sun 10-Jan-21 11:44:51

I do know a fair few secrets. I’m not sure they’d ruin anyone lives but they’d certainly cause a bloody great row/family feud.

twinsufficient Sun 10-Jan-21 11:46:49

My brother's fiancee doesn't have a clue that he had a vasectomy after leaving his first wife. He then had a reversal and is hoping it all works out so he doesn't have to tell her...🤦‍♀️

RuggeryBuggery Sun 10-Jan-21 11:48:23

Yes I do
Has amazed me how un-careful some men can be in terms of sharing personal info that means they/their wives can be easily found on social media. They are totally relying on the fact I’m not a psycho/bunny boiler/stalker/blackmailer!
Don’t know that info I have would completely ruin lives but it would certainly cause a lot of upset and hurt to people. They really are very stupid.

SendHelp30 Sun 10-Jan-21 11:49:54

@Horehound yes and private school fees. She’s kept in a very nice life. Bought her silence!!

Pennina Sun 10-Jan-21 11:50:10

I was in central London for a business meeting. I was leaving the tube and realised a chap I knew (a neighbour) was in front of me on the escalator. Too far away to say hello. Married, 4 kids, in his mid 50s. As we reached the top, another guy was there and the two men greeted each other, kissed and walked off. It wasn't a neutral type of kiss, it was intimate.

Poppins2016 Sun 10-Jan-21 11:50:35

Yes. An old friend told me many potentially life-changing (if revealed) secrets. We're no longer friends, but have mutual acquaintances. I won't share these secrets, regardless.

Mycomfyplacetochill Sun 10-Jan-21 11:51:00

A friend slept with his sister, they were both adults and she took advantage of his poor mental health. They'd grown up with different adopted parents and found each other on social media.

He has since distanced himself from her as she was manipulative and eventually saw through it. It will haunt him forever and his mental health is now worse than ever. He nearly ended his life because of her.

AuntieMarys Sun 10-Jan-21 11:54:21

I wish I did.

Imissmoominmama Sun 10-Jan-21 11:55:07

An XBF set up a secret email address to try to get me to message him privately, after I’d married DH. I declined, but once logged in, a few years later, out of curiosity, to see that he was using it himself for other secret stuff. I think he must’ve forgotten that he’d sent me the address and password.

Turns out he’d fathered a son that his wife and daughter knew nothing about. The emails were all to a solicitor, regarding payment to the child’s mother, and regarding access.

He was very successful and known internationally in his field.

I dodged a bullet when I ended that relationship.

shallbe Sun 10-Jan-21 11:57:52

I know of a couple people having affairs and their spouses don't know. I wouldn't say because a) it's from hear say, very good hear say, but no concrete evidence nonetheless so there's a chance it's not exactly what I "know" b) I don't know the people at all well, Facebook "friends" c) not my business, if I know, chances are someone closer to home does.

Someone1987 Sun 10-Jan-21 11:58:44

I've had similar to you OP.

Imissmoominmama Sun 10-Jan-21 12:00:38

@Mycomfyplacetochill- that’s so very sad. Sexual attraction is apparently a risk when siblings who haven’t grown up together, finally meet. Tell your friend to research it if he feels he can bear to; it might make him feel less shame around what happened.

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in