hi.
before i start i want to say i have suspected autism although i'm not sure if that has anything to do with this, and i'm still a teenager.
every now and again i have a few days where i just do things that i did in my childhood. i eat the same foods, i watch the same youtubers and play the same games.
i feel calm and almost peaceful when i do this and i almost wish i could spend all of my life feeling like this.
i'm not sure how to explain it properly but it is probably the happiest i feel, not an excited overwhelming happiness but just contentment.
i start to do the things i did in my childhood, such as digital art or watching adventure time.
the rest of the time when i'm not like this, i just have a normal life but i feel stressed, even when there's nothing to be stressed about. just a sort of anxiety that's always there, just waiting to explode but i never do.
it's usually then that i come back to whatever this is.
i haven't always done this but i can't remember when it started, and it isn't obvious enough that my parents or anyone else notices it, it's just sort of how i feel mentally, and subtle things i do physically.
almost all of it is stuff i did at my friends house, and i often look back at my childhood and envy her, how she was 'innocent' for a long time, even when our other friends would make fun of her for it, she'd still watch disney movies when she was 13, as far as i know is still wearing her lilo and stitch onesie, but i never had that.
i knew what various sexual acts were when i was 8, i was on omegle talking to old men when i was 7, and the memories i have of early childhood are almost completely not nice ones.
sorry, not sure where i'm going this, but i've never told anyone and i feel like a real freak.
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feel like a freak
11 replies
justneedtovent1 · 09/01/2021 22:28
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