First time I've needed some proper breathing space

(20 Posts)
WankPuffins Thu 07-Jan-21 18:42:43

I'm so fucking stressed it's unreal.

My elderly dad is in hospital and is really unwell (not covid although I have a thread in cv topic about it), my Ds hasn't got a fucking clue what is going on with his btec or his application to join the police apprenticeship when he's finished (if anyone has any experience of their dc applying please talk to me).

My ex husband is being an absolute bellend about Ds and making the btec situation into my fault somehow.

My 6 year olds home learning is getting me down - it's the the work, I home educated my Ds for YEARS, but this isn't home ed, it's just a bit shit really the way they are doing things.

My 4 month old is teething badly and I have to help Dd when she's on fucking google classroom live lessons which are to be frank, pointless, we could get the work done in a quarter of the time without them (I DO appreciate what the teachers are doing). Baby just screams sometimes and they give Dd 20 mins to so something and if she needs help it's impossible jugging a very unhappy baby.

Dh is here but he's working and on endless calls all day, he works in education (not teacher but LA) and is snowed under so can't just drop everything to help.

I'm also an only child, my mum is dead and no one at the hospital is telling me much about my dad. I know they are busy but I'm in the dark.

Dh family act like covid doesn't exist and keep inviting us round and getting shitty when we say no.

I just want to scream.

And then I feel guilty because I have no real reason to be stressed. I've got a Dh with a secure job, Dd has good school provision, Ds is doing well on line learning, my dad is being well looked after in hospital and I'm so lucky to have my baby after lots of losses.

I just needed to vent. Dh has taken the little ones upstairs and I'm drinking on my own. So I've got a few hours to just sit. I'm literally sat in the dark. I just want no more noise for a few hours.

(And I've got a few hours all alone, which is another reason I shouldn't moan).

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WankPuffins Thu 07-Jan-21 18:43:13

I didn't mean to call the lessons pointless.

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WankPuffins Thu 07-Jan-21 18:49:08

I've actually pissed myself off reading that one back. Off to give my head a wobble.

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Lemonpiano Thu 07-Jan-21 18:51:41

Hang on, you have got huge reasons to be stressed! Are you always so hard on yourself?

WankPuffins Thu 07-Jan-21 18:53:06

@Lemonpiano yes, I tend to be. But I work in mental health and God, I know that some people have it a lot worse than me sat here in my safe home drinking wine.

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Ewanispurple Thu 07-Jan-21 18:55:51

I hear you @WankPuffins, first day of Remote Learning for my 5 Year old today and I lost my S#*t completely. Lord knows why I thought it would be a breeze! I also have a cranky 7 Month old who screams for 18 Hours of a 24hr day confused
A DH who had converted our Bedroom into a peaceful 'office' and sits up there chatting and snacking for the entire day, my only Family is DM who is an alcoholic and seems to be drinking from Brunch time now she's furloughed.
So sorry I don't have any wisdom to ease your stress but wanted you to know you're not alone! Life sucks for lots of Us right now! I hope your Father makes a recovery x

WankPuffins Thu 07-Jan-21 19:00:34

@Ewanispurple I stupidly didn't think how hard it would be with the baby.

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WankPuffins Thu 07-Jan-21 19:02:15

It's not like I can work around feeding and nap times. She has to be online at set times. And the mic has to be on so they can all interact with the teacher. So if the baby is fussing I can't be in the same room to help.

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Ewanispurple Thu 07-Jan-21 19:08:47

@WankPuffins You've just described my day to a T. I had to step out of the room to attempt to settle Baby earlier, when I came back in I had missed the task set to be completed by the next lesson in 1 hour, and of course DC had no idea. So, so stressful - everyone else on the call seemed to be coping, drinking Tea in the background! So glad when it was over and we could go out for some fresh air! sad

Dallerup Thu 07-Jan-21 19:09:37

It really doesn't matter how bad other people have it, it doesn't make your struggles any less important. I bet millions of people are in better positions than you too but you don't beat yourself up when you're happy? Don't add a heap of guilt to your plate as well.

I think everyone is finding that things that wouldn't normally cause stress are becoming overwhelming because all of our support systems are gone. Partners are busier at work, friends aren't allowed to just drop in for a rant and a cuppa and a parent in hospital is always stressful but even more so without being able to visit and speak to them and to staff face to face.

I'm sorry I don't have anything more constructive to add, I'm in similar circumstances to you and it is bloody hard! All you can do is cut yourself a bit of slack where you can. Ignore calls and messages from the ex, skip the odd live lesson (ours are being recorded and uploaded to watch back later, are yours the same?) x

sausagerole Thu 07-Jan-21 19:19:44

@WankPuffins, it sounds like you have so much to carry, its no wonder you're stressed!

Do you think you could relieve a bit of the pressure by taking a different approach to Dad's home learning? My children are similar ages to yours and when I had all 3 of them at home I simply told the school that I wasn't able to support DD's home learning in the way they had structured it, and that I'd be using what resources worked for us and arranging our own activities, loosely based on their topics if I could. So eldest could crack on with his online learning, and then I had DD and baby and we did stuff like practicing number bonds while we kicked a football, learnt about measurements as we baked, listened to some science and history podcasts, some educational TV time, thought of adjectives to describe something we were cleaning etc. Although there's legal requirements for the school to provide work, there's absolutely no mandate for you to engage with it if it's not working for you.

tinseloatcake Thu 07-Jan-21 19:23:56

Tough times, it all is. I know a bit about police recruitment if I can help?

WankPuffins Thu 07-Jan-21 19:27:26

@tinseloatcake oh yes please! He's applied for police apprenticeship for when he's finished his btec. But there is no info on what happens next with his application. He's desperate to join the police when he finishes college.

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WankPuffins Thu 07-Jan-21 19:28:18

@sausagerole they've made it very clear they expect them all to engage.

I don't feel that the baby is a big enough excuse. It's bloody hard to juggle both though.

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ReallySpicyCurry Thu 07-Jan-21 19:36:12

Jesus, I'd be chugging Valium like smarties if I had to deal with all that. Give yourself a break. You've a very overloaded plate by the sounds of things

sausagerole Thu 07-Jan-21 19:39:22

@WankPuffins, I know, ours did too but that's largely because they're under pressure to demonstrate what they're doing for pupils. It doesn't mean that you have to take on that pressure if it doesn't work for you and your family. And it isn't just baby, it's about you and your mental health and what you feel you can manage - if you're coordinating everyone every day then what you're able to cope with (on top of your dad being unwell) really, really matters. Really hope things improve for you soon flowers

WankPuffins Thu 07-Jan-21 19:59:04

@sausagerole I'm going to have a think on it. I mean it's day 3 and I've cracked. How the hell am I going to keep this up for months

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tinseloatcake Thu 07-Jan-21 20:50:40

Here we go op - this is quite a good microsite (not my force area, but I know it to be a really good recruitment team) -

The what is the process bit, is helpful too.

Short version is it takes ages!

WankPuffins Thu 07-Jan-21 21:14:43

Thank you! @tinseloatcake and we are west mida

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tinseloatcake Thu 07-Jan-21 21:37:45

great force to join. They have worked really hard to shorten and improve the processes. If I am correct, there will be an online assessment centre next - if the application gets through a sift and it will go from there. There are start dates throughout the year, although I don't know exactly when.

Good luck to your DS!

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