Didn't know where to put this hence it being in chat.
I am so so sick of myself being so unmotivated, lazy, and just meh when I'm at home. At work I'm fine.
I used to be like this all of the time and I know when I was on here years ago I did peoples heads in with my moaning and inability to change things and rightly so. So much has changed since then and I am proud of me for that but then there seems to be this other side of me that just will not sort itself out.
I work mon-fri in a very busy NHS admin role and despite not having much confidence in my own abilities I think I do a good job. I'm always there early, always well dressed and professional and in the rarer quiet moments I will always busy myself doing something. I work with lovely people and feel very lucky to have ended up where I am.
At home I am the complete opposite. I get home around 5:15, cook dinner or lately order takeout, shower, and sit on the sofa channel hopping until about 10pm when I go to bed and scroll on my phone for about an hour before going to sleep. Week nights I generally sleep ok.
Weekends I don't set an alarm so I wake and get up anywhere between 8:30-11. I'll eat breakfast and then sit, and sit some more, might get dressed but not always, possibly chuck some washing in and that's it. I don't have tv on in the day so might have music on but I just end up wasting the whole day.
It's not that there isn't anything to do, there is so so much to do. I'm halfway through decorating the kitchen, in-fact the whole house because I tend to get half way and stop. I'm 3 stone overweight and have every diet cookbook under the sun yet I'll probably cook something g out of it once a month if that. I do zero exercise my diet is awful.
This week I've been off work because when I got in on Monday morning I had a high temp so I was sent home and I'm waiting on a covid result. Pretty sure I don't have covid as I do lateral flow testing twice a week and I had the covid jab last weekend so I think it was just a reaction to that. Anyway my point is yes I have felt a bit rough but I still could have done some stuff. I have done absolutely nothing except take the Xmas tree down. I've moved between my bed and the sofa the whole time, oh and the bath.
I can't work out why I am like this. It's almost like my brain thinks 'no don't do that because then you won't have any time to chill' but all I do is chill. I clearly like the routine of having to go to work and being at work but once home that stops and I turn into a lazy slob.
I need to change this and now but I don't know how to make the changes stick.
Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated
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So sick of myself
6 replies
TheOriginalNutty · 06/01/2021 16:57
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