Absent father

(4 Posts)
tartanbow Mon 21-Dec-20 15:52:08

I am speaking to my absent father for the first time in over 10 years on the phone this evening. he says it is time to answer questions.

last time we spoke was also the first and only time we met. I was 18.

I found my biological brother recently on social media which is what has lead to absent father wanting this conversation as biological brother has been asking him questions.

absent father will most likely say (because this is the story I have already been told and what he alluded when we met) that he felt he was too young to be a dad and that he was having the time of his life and that him and my mum weren't a couple. basically, he just didnt want to be a dad. he was 24 for context so hardly a youngster in my opinion but there you go.

I dont know how I feel or what to say. i dont know whether to be angry or understanding. would you be angry? tell him how it felt growing up without a father? how I honestly feel about his being too young excuse? can you ever make up nearly 30 years? I have children now too so he is a grandad.

anyone else here been in a situation with an absent father? or any absent relatives and managed to mend the relationship?


OP’s posts: |
Molly333 Mon 21-Dec-20 20:21:24

Sorry i cant answer but I too would be interested as my children are the same with a dad that has reappeared after years ( and stealing their money out of their accounts)

Dowser Mon 21-Dec-20 21:52:52

Well I wouldn’t be greeting him with open arms

I’d tell him just how awful it’s been having a dad who didn’t give a flying fig about you

Then see how hard he tries to make amends.my son was a single father at 21 , he did the right thing, put his son first, took all kinds of shit jobs to put food on the table and it’s been paid back In leaps and bounds.
His son is a grade A student.
And my son at nearly 40 is studying to be a theatre nurse.
I’m so proud of them both.

OhioOhioOhio Mon 21-Dec-20 22:02:16

My xh was/is an absent father. Turns out that all of his excuses were utter bullshit and he is a nasty piece of work. My kids are lumbered with his self righteous 'contact'. His elder child with whom he has only seen a few times had a lucky escape as far as I can see. For that child it must be obvious that his father doesn't give a fk. For mine, we'll, they are still finding out. Honestly. Actions speak louder than words. If he is truly making the most of his Grandad status and working hard to prove his worth to you then I'd wonder about keeping him in my life. Aside from that I'd invite him round every six months for a mince pie or scone in the garden purely for the benefit of my children.

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