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Staff member at B and M humiliated me.

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Zoflorabore Fri 04-Dec-20 23:29:28

Hi. I don’t know if I’m being ultra sensitive here but I had an experience tonight which made me feel awful, embarrassed and angry.

I have a life limiting condition and several MH issues and struggle wearing a mask. Instead, I wear a hidden disabilities lanyard which I wear. I was with dd (9) and tried to get a trolley.

I had a trolley coin which got stuck so I went inside to ask for help. The lady on the first took had just finishing serving a customer so I first apologised for bothering her and asked if there was someone who could help with the trolleys.

She told me that they don’t accept the trolley coins and i spotted a trolley a little further along and asked if I could use that.

She told me no, they are only for people with disabilities, I then pointed to my hidden disabilities lanyard and told her that i do have a disability to which she replied “well they’re for people in a wheelchair”.

There were a few people in the queue. I told her that having a disability is not defined by being a wheelchair user. My daughter said “come on mum I will get a basket too and help you” I felt mortified. People in the queue looked sympathetic and the woman then said she would send someone out to get me my trolley coin and I told her not to bother. I struggled around the (huge) shop and gave up halfway round.

When I went to pay I asked the cashier if the first woman is a manager and she said she isn’t. I feel like complaining which isn’t something I’ve ever done in a shop but I think in this day and age especially, the staff member shouldn’t have treated me like I was lying.

Sorry that was bloody long!

OP’s posts: |
Zoflorabore Fri 04-Dec-20 23:31:42

And apologies for awful typos.

OP’s posts: |
thefourgp Fri 04-Dec-20 23:32:12

Complain tomorrow so the store manager can ensure that colleague receives some training on how to help vulnerable customers and hidden disabilities. I’m sorry she treated you that way.

StrongTea Fri 04-Dec-20 23:32:36

Complain, she should have been much more helpful.

Theimpossiblegirl Fri 04-Dec-20 23:33:18

I normally say don't complain, it's not worth it, but I definitely think some retraining is needed there, so maybe a polite email explaining what happened and suggesting that staff are made aware of different types of disability. I'm sorry you felt so humiliated, your daughter sounds like a little star.

Onacleardayyoucansee Fri 04-Dec-20 23:34:23

Sounds like a "staff training" issue.
Try not to take it personally, she was uninformed.

Maybe write to them when you feel in a calmer place.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

AldiAisleofCrap Fri 04-Dec-20 23:36:19

Those are special trolleys that clip onto wheelchairs. They are specifically for wheelchair users not for people with disabilities. Wheelchair users can’t use regular trolleys.

AldiAisleofCrap Fri 04-Dec-20 23:36:55

*with other disabilities

Neotraditional Fri 04-Dec-20 23:37:00

Were they the type of trolleys that attach to a wheelchair? If so, I don’t think she did anything wrong telling you not to use it.

JiltedJohnsJulie Fri 04-Dec-20 23:37:38

Feel so sorry for you. I agree with theimpossible.

Complaining won't stop what happened to you but it may help others in the future thanks

AldiAisleofCrap Fri 04-Dec-20 23:38:44

See like this, they are not designed to be pushed and if a wheelchair user wanted to shop and it was taken they would not be able to use another one.

BibbityBobbityBellend Fri 04-Dec-20 23:43:11

This is a hard one. They are specifically designed for people with wheelchairs so you're not supposed to use them. If there were a good amount of them it probably would have been fine but it wouldn't have been comfortable to push.

The lady was insensitive but I think she just didn't know how to say what she meant without causing offence.

She offered to send someone to help and you refused. That's not her fault.

SlippersForFlippers Fri 04-Dec-20 23:43:19

She should have got someone to help you disabled or not disabled.

It's always good for staff to have more training about hidden disabilities.

If they were the specific wheelchair trollies I think it was ok for her to say you couldn't take one. If she had of helped you in the first place then it wouldn't have been an issue.

Zoflorabore Fri 04-Dec-20 23:46:22

To be honest it didn’t look like the trolleys I’ve seen in other shops for wheelchair users so maybe that’s my mistake.

I wouldn’t dream of using a trolley that someone else may need who can’t walk.

It’s the whole attitude she had though. She was horrible. There were much younger staff on the other tills and I wrongly assumed she was a manager.

Thanks for everyone who has taken the time to reply.

OP’s posts: |
Onjnmoeiejducwoapy Fri 04-Dec-20 23:46:49

Were they wheelchair trollies, or trollies for those with disabilities? Because as others have said, those may be different things in this situation

Zoflorabore Fri 04-Dec-20 23:59:23

How I would describe it is that it looked like the smaller trolleys they have at Asda/Tesco etc. it certainly didn’t look like a wheelchair one.

OP’s posts: |
NotPrude Fri 04-Dec-20 23:59:54

Hmm can’t quite see what she did wrong tbh... I have hidden disabilities. I don’t wear a lanyard to let people know but I carry around my notes in case I need it. I would never think of taking a trolley intended for wheelchair uses just because I have a disability.

It’s clear she meant that’s for people in a wheelchair when she said disabilities and when you challenged that, she clarified for wheelchairs. Don’t think that was discriminatory against you at all.

I’m sure she had a tone and was rude but it was B&M, not Waitrose...they’re not fussed about customer service in places like that.

sneakysnoopysniper Sat 05-Dec-20 00:08:39

I believe in always complaining when someone in a service position speaks disrespectfully to me or someone with me. They obviously need further training.

My nephew goes shopping in Asda with his carer. He has a hidden disability and balance issues. His carer does all the heavy lifting and bending according to what nephew wants. However the carer is ADHD and cant be relied upon to bring back the correct items so they shop as a "team". Nephew does the brain work and carer does the heavy stuff.

I wont go into detail but an assistant was extremely rude and rebuked him for shopping with someone with him - called nephew a "silly old fart" within his hearing. Carer took a photo of the assistant on his phone. Nephew did not want to complain but I emailed the CEO executive team on his behalf with photo attached and cited the incident. He received £20 in vouchers and a deeply apologetic message with the assurance that the assistant in question would receive "further training" in disability issues.

He has been into the supermarket several times since and not seen the assistant in question. He says he feels bad in case she got dismissed. I told him she would not be dismissed for one incident but if there had been others similar she could have been on a final warning. In that case there are plenty of unemployed people who would be glad of the work and knew how to treat disabled people with the same respect they show to others.

Peppafrig Sat 05-Dec-20 00:34:10

If she said they were for wheelchair users then they were for wheelchair users.

Mummyoflittledragon Sat 05-Dec-20 00:36:44

If the trolley had a push handle it wasn’t for a wheel chair. She did offer you help in the end. As a disabled person with hidden disabilities, I do understand your upset. However, next time, I would accept the help. flowers

Serin Sat 05-Dec-20 00:41:32

I dont think B and M have a particularly good reputation for customer service.sad In Aldi, if you dont have a pound coin the cashier will lend you one to release a trolley, but then again, the speed with which they throw things through the checkout is hardly hidden disability friendly either.
If I had been in the queue, I would have happily given you a pound.

Missthedog Sat 05-Dec-20 00:44:08

I always feel sorry for the staff in those shops. So busy and everyone always moaning at them or looking for something to complain about. They are generally on minimum wage, you know. I am sorry if you have issues but don't really know what was wrong if she offered to send someone to return your coin and couldn't let you use a specific trolley.

SirMoanalot Sat 05-Dec-20 00:46:00

She didnt do anything wrong.
That trolley is for people with more and or specific challenges. You can push a a basic trolly so why should the modified disable friendly one go to youu? You also delayed the poor next customer, did you say sorry to them?

HeddaGarbled Sat 05-Dec-20 00:47:01

She offered a solution and you told her not to bother.

SirMoanalot Sat 05-Dec-20 00:47:26


I always feel sorry for the staff in those shops. So busy and everyone always moaning at them or looking for something to complain about. They are generally on minimum wage, you know. I am sorry if you have issues but don't really know what was wrong if she offered to send someone to return your coin and couldn't let you use a specific trolley.

I know!! Culture complain moan entitled me me me. Drop everything, read my mind and serve me RIGHT NOW SLAVE. Jesus.

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