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Anyone who thought they’d end up alone and didn’t, please talk to me

(22 Posts)
firesuntea Sun 22-Nov-20 10:52:27

I feel so sad this morning. Dated so much in the last four years. I feel like I’m going to be alone always. I just want to hear from people who have been in my situation. Some sort of hope I guess. I feel so sick thinking about a future carrying on like this. I realise I sound like a total wet blanket. I’m pretty sure from the outside I seem like I have my shit together. I don’t, I’m very very lonely.

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MissSmiley Sun 22-Nov-20 11:00:37

Same here, 4 years since I left my husband, my two year relationship with a man I adored has just ended, I feel horribly lonely

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sun 22-Nov-20 11:04:34

I was over 50, and quite fat, when I got rid of my XH. Thought I might end up alone, but that was preferable to being with XH. Online dated a couple of years. Lots of messing about, but fortunately the real players were a bit stupid and left clues on their profiles. Met now DH, and been married 3 years. I adjusted my expectations, but not my non-negotiables. What I wanted in my 50's was not the same as when younger. Good luck!

firesuntea Sun 22-Nov-20 11:05:11

@MissSmiley so sorry flowers hope you are ok.

I’m not coping today. So sad and cannot see it changing. Just seem to match with people who I have zero interest in.

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firesuntea Sun 22-Nov-20 11:06:07

@SpongeBobJudgeyPants that’s lovely smile thanks for posting.

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CiderJolly Sun 22-Nov-20 11:06:54

Maybe work on being content and fulfilled without a man. It’s honestly not as difficult as you think.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sun 22-Nov-20 11:08:42

Fire. It wasn't a straightforward process, and I often took breaks from it, to protect my MH.

TeddyIsaHe Sun 22-Nov-20 11:09:04

I feel the exact same! Just came out of a relationship that was truly awful, but I didn’t know until it was over iyswim.

I’m recovering atm, and can’t imagine meeting anyone. But also worried about the future and if I’ll ever find love.

Am doing as pp said and working on me first. I need to never allow my boundaries to be crossed like that again and allow it.

Sexnotgender Sun 22-Nov-20 11:13:29

I left a ten year long emotionally abusive and controlling marriage. I didn’t even think about dating for a few years, was mid thirties and one of my oldest friends made a move.

He turned out to be a prick! I’d known him for 15+ years and really trusted him.

Eventually gave internet dating a try and I’m not married to the most amazing man I’ve ever met. I count my blessings every day. I’m currently 20 weeks pregnant with our second child.

Sexnotgender Sun 22-Nov-20 11:13:59

*now married

firesuntea Sun 22-Nov-20 11:14:08

I get the whole ‘work on you thing,’ but @CiderJolly and @TeddyIsaHe I don’t feel I have huge amounts to work on (I accept there’s ways something you can improve). I’m just totally fed up of being on my own. Thinking of this for the foreseeable is not something I want. I’ve done all the single things I could possibly do and would much prefer someone in my life.

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BiblioX Sun 22-Nov-20 11:15:23

My mother met the love of her life aged 58 and riddled with cancer. My husband hadn’t found anyone who lasted more than six months of dating (and only a couple of those) before he met me aged 40...he was shy and had slowly lost all confidence and was pretty lonely but I knew straight away he was a keeper. We’ve been together years and he has the children and family he never believed he would get.

firesuntea Sun 22-Nov-20 11:15:26

@Sexnotgender that’s so nice to read and gives me hope thank you smile x

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Sexnotgender Sun 22-Nov-20 11:18:26

My one bit of advice would be only let someone into your life who makes it better.

I refused to be in another shit relationship/marriage. I’d rather be single.

My husband makes my life immeasurably richer and brighter.

HotGlueGun Sun 22-Nov-20 11:18:53

How old are you?

firesuntea Sun 22-Nov-20 11:21:16

@Sexnotgender thank you that’s good advice.

@HotGlueGun I was 35 in June and that’s what’s made things feel worse I think.

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wheresmymojo Sun 22-Nov-20 11:30:36

Yes, I was mid-30s and single for 6 years or so.

Dated A LOT. I had almost 50 first dates, but only had 'relationships' that lasted max 2-3 months during that time.

I also had a lot of therapy and it was after this therapy and working with a dating coach that I met my husband.

crimsonlake Sun 22-Nov-20 11:39:43

It is hard isn't it, especially when you actually want and need someone in your life.
Yes, as someone has said you need to be content in your life, but you are clearly not and that is missing for you.
I have been on my own for 10 years since divorce and on the whole I am content, but then I have done marriage and had a family.
That said I do go through phases on wishing I at least had male companionship. You read about so many people who find someone else and it does leave you wondering at times 'what's wrong with me?'
If you do not normally have an active social life I suggest getting back on old. I think you might as well than not. I do not believe you need a thick skin to do it, just be realistic and keep plodding on.

SheeshazAZ09 Sun 22-Nov-20 11:44:04

I got together with my fiancé when I was 58 and he was over 60. I’d just emerged from a several decades long relationship that had long been unsatisfactory and I honestly thought I was destined to be alone for ever. I had given up on relationships, didn’t bother with makeup and no longer cared about looking my best.

Fortunately that didn’t put off my now fiancé, who was a long time friend and colleague that I had never thought about in a romantic context.

Getting together with him did entail adjusting my expectations of what a partner should be like. I don’t mean lowering my standards—if anything he is way above any standard I had, but my preconceived ideas about what someone should look like and how they should act went out of the window pretty quickly. The rewards have been great.

I’d encourage you to focus on giving love and support to those around you whether or not they are relationship material. I think like attracts like and you will attract someone who can reflect your own lovingness, for want of a better phrase!

HotGlueGun Sun 22-Nov-20 11:58:40

I was single at 32, after a number of failed relationships etc. It hit me that no one would ever love me if I didn't love myself and I just focused on doing things that made me happy... walking, spending time with friends, creative pursuits. I was half heartedly doing OLD but was bored of it and was about to come off. Went on one last date and met my now husband.

My advice would be... fill your time with hobbies, crafts, walking, anything you like doing and that makes you happy. I'm a firm believer that if you are happy in yourself, it will attract others to you. It worked for me and I was absolutely at the depths of despair a couple of years prior to that. Don't be disheartened... it will happen for you.

MissSmiley Sun 22-Nov-20 14:45:44

@firesuntea I've been out for a long walk with a friend and feel a bit more positive, heard on song on the radio that reminded me of him and feel sad again, I hope you find your person soon

@wheresmymojo what's a dating coach?

tinselvestsparklepants Sun 22-Nov-20 19:43:59

I was dumped spectacularly at 28. Was single til I was 32, the only Singleton amongst my friends. Then met my now DH -married when I was 35. That doesn't seem so unusual looking back but at the time it was a LONG four nearly five years. I thought I'd be alone forever! But DH was worth the wait and because I was a bit older / wiser I realised very quickly that he was right for me. Been married very happily for 8.5 years now.

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