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Anyone else never had financial help from parents for house deposits etc?

(307 Posts)
sausagedoglove Sat 21-Nov-20 10:49:28

I get so down when I read about all the people on MN, and friends IRL who have had the Bank of Mum and Dad help them out with house deposits or early inheritance, or even inheritance from grandparents to help pay down debt or upgrade their car etc.

I've had nothing and I've been told to expect nothing. My parents are well off, their house is paid off and currently undergoing extensive renovations all paid for in cash (over £100k), three investment properties (with mortgages) which is the income they'll be relying on when they retire in a few years, plus income from share portfolio.

It's their money, they can do what they want, but I do feel a bit down about it all.

My parents were very much "children are to be seen not heard" kind of people, and any money I come in to should be earned on my own. That's all fine, but the cost of housing in this country is crippling and they just don't get it. I'll be renting for the rest of my life and without capital I can't really grow my wealth much.

Anyone else?

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sausagedoglove Sat 21-Nov-20 11:16:02

Just me then? 😬

OP’s posts: |
HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear Sat 21-Nov-20 11:16:55

They sound really harsh, I'm not surprised that you're feeling badly done by. Obviously it's their money but I assume they bought when you could get a mortgage with one wage.
Renting is shit, and you spend so much in wasted money that you never get money to save. A lot of my friends and people o know were either given chunks of money or lived woth their parents rent and bill free so they could save every penny for a house.
Could you do that? Move in and save?

Juniperandrage Sat 21-Nov-20 11:19:49

I'm NC now but my parents wouldn't have pissed on me if I'd been on fire. I was homeless at one point and they wouldn't help, not even let me stay at theirs

autumnkate Sat 21-Nov-20 11:20:08

No never had anything. We worked in the Middle East for 5 years and saved to earn our house deposit.

user1471538283 Sat 21-Nov-20 11:20:50

I never had any and I bought quite late on. You can only do what you can do. I do know that i would help DS

zoomiecraziness Sat 21-Nov-20 11:22:04

I haven't.. mum was a single parent and worked bloody hard doing 3 jobs while I grew up.. I'm so proud of her, but she still lives hand to mouth. But she made sure I got an education and I now have a decent job. I bought my own house, car , everything with no financial help. I did that before I met my husband when I was single. I'm now in a position where I can help her when she needs it (but she's too bloody proud and usually refuses to accept!)

InDubiousBattle Sat 21-Nov-20 11:22:18

We haven't either. Every single one of our friends has though! Not just house deposits, some have had their houses bought outright by their parents and they pay them back with zero interest, with chunks of the debt knocked off at major birthdays etc. Most people I know had driving lessons paid for as teenagers, first cars bought for them, help through uni, weddings paid for and, now we're older, free childcare. I think I would be less jealous if they really appreciated it, but many say thing like 'my parents didn't really help with the wedding that much, they just paid for the venue and photos' or 'mum only does two days a week childcare, so not much really'!

Possums4evr Sat 21-Nov-20 11:22:22

I had money from mine, not the large amounts I see sometimes on here and they had no large inheritances themselves - but £10,000 for a house deposit which made a big difference. I think many parents just can't afford it, but if they can it seems very mean of them. When I bought my first flat I got a 100% mortgage - that isn't available now never mind for my children so I hope I can help them with solicitors fees if nothing else.

BashfulClam Sat 21-Nov-20 11:22:53

Bought our house with no help. My mum is comfortable but not well off as is MIL. We saved and worked hard, we are 41 and have had a mortgage for 15 years.

S00LA Sat 21-Nov-20 11:23:15

I got nothing and my parents were also well off. They have everything to my sibling.

I saved for a deposit by getting a second part time job that was live in, so I had no housing costs ( tiny wages but no rent and bills paid ).

I also lived very frugally for years and didn't have children until I was older and could afford them. Childcare costs are a killer if you don’t have family support.

Safeguardingconcern Sat 21-Nov-20 11:24:41

Early inheritance is not something to be envious of. hmm Just think it through.

We have never had any financial help from our parents. DH's parents had nothing to give, and we actually supported his mother financially towards the end, rather than her supporting us. My parents are very comfortable, have a lovely home and an investment property etc, but they haven't ever given us money. To be fair, I've never asked and I don't expect it. They both came from very humble backgrounds and worked hard to get to where they are. It's theirs to enjoys as far as I'm concerned.

We have managed to buy a house and pay off our mortgage without any external help, so it is possible.

EggysMom Sat 21-Nov-20 11:24:52

The largest sum I've had from my parents was £2k towards a secondhand car. DH has never had more than £50 from his side, they are definitely in poverty. Largest sum I've inherited was £5k, which went straight into the mortgage. My parents are of the opinion that they had to wait to have any money (inheritance) and are now entitled to enjoy new cars, longhaul holidays etc.

Everything DH and I have, we did ourselves smile We're quite proud of that.

BashfulClam Sat 21-Nov-20 11:25:30

Also paid for my own driving lessons, our own wedding. I have never had any handouts and had to work from a young age to do what I wanted. The minute I started work at 15 all help stopped , no pocket money, no clothes bought for me or shoes etc. My friends got handed money and bought things etc I got fuck all as my dad drank all our money.

zoomiecraziness Sat 21-Nov-20 11:26:20

To add I bought my first house when I was 23. It was a little coronation street type terrace with no central heating but it got me on the ladder! Used to piss me off that people in rented moaned that their boiler broke and the landlord had taken a couple of days to fix it when I couldn't even afford to have a heating system in my house! I saw the long term though, lived 8 years with no central heating but now live in a nice house in a nice area and will be retired and mortgage free by 60. I sacrificed comfort to buy instead of rent in my 20's. I'm 40 now.

sausagedoglove Sat 21-Nov-20 11:27:51

HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear

They sound really harsh, I'm not surprised that you're feeling badly done by. Obviously it's their money but I assume they bought when you could get a mortgage with one wage.
Renting is shit, and you spend so much in wasted money that you never get money to save. A lot of my friends and people o know were either given chunks of money or lived woth their parents rent and bill free so they could save every penny for a house.
Could you do that? Move in and save?



We live in different countries and I have DC with DH now so very little opportunity to move in with them and save.

I'm an only child too so not like they'd have to share out inheritance. They just want to enjoy their retirement to the max. They post on Facebook how they're always on holiday.

My DC might get inheritance from them but it's been made quite clear to me that they want to life their lives and travel the world in luxury during retirement. Ok then 🤷🏽‍♀️

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UsernameN0Tavailable Sat 21-Nov-20 11:27:56

Nope, my parents told me if I wanted to go to uni I would have to pay for it myself. No assistance with wedding or house purchase or anything.

DHs parents are well off and have skipped a generation and gifted £10k each to the grandchildren to start saving for a house deposit, but nothing for DH or his siblings.

MaizeBlouse Sat 21-Nov-20 11:28:17

Nothing from my parents or PILs either, though I never asked.
My DSis got money towards her deposit, her degree, her wedding and gets endless childcare help (we get none again from either parents).. but I quite like knowing that me and DP did it by ourself and that we don't owe anyone. We can truly look at what is around us and know that the successes are down to us and us alone.

sausagedoglove Sat 21-Nov-20 11:30:16

zoomiecraziness

To add I bought my first house when I was 23. It was a little coronation street type terrace with no central heating but it got me on the ladder! Used to piss me off that people in rented moaned that their boiler broke and the landlord had taken a couple of days to fix it when I couldn't even afford to have a heating system in my house! I saw the long term though, lived 8 years with no central heating but now live in a nice house in a nice area and will be retired and mortgage free by 60. I sacrificed comfort to buy instead of rent in my 20's. I'm 40 now.



I appreciate you made immense sacrifices to get on the ladder but when you were in your 20s the housing market was very different to when I was in my 20s. It's almost impossible to buy on a single income in the south east without a big helping hand ☹️ I'm not saying it's impossible though.

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Saisong Sat 21-Nov-20 11:30:31

I think my mum paid my monthly rent once at university when I was struggling. Otherwise it's all been down to me. She was a single mum to 4 kids though, with her own farm to run, so nothing was expected. I've done ok though, and don't take anything for granted. The only thing i didn't have to do was buy a house as I moved in with my boyfriend (now DH) and we haven't moved since.

BurningEars Sat 21-Nov-20 11:32:39

We’re in the same boat. My parents aren’t able to help, and DH’s parents won’t help. We’re in our 40s and still saving a deposit, which gets eaten up each time a landlord decides to sell up and we have to move.

Nonamesavail Sat 21-Nov-20 11:33:38

No help here.

Northernsoullover Sat 21-Nov-20 11:36:34

When people say an inheritance is nothing to be envious of, its still a fortunate gift in unfortunate circumstances. People still lose loved ones without an inheritance. My friend has just lost her mum and there was nothing to leave.

PandemicImpact Sat 21-Nov-20 11:45:02

Early inheritance doesn't always come because of a death.
My parents have give us DC a substantial amount of money as 'early Inheritance'. We are all of an age (45+) where we didn't need it for deposits etc but I was then able to give my DC more money for their deposits.

user1487194234 Sat 21-Nov-20 11:47:40

We got 10k as a house deposit from both sets of parents
My inlaws give us £3k every year

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