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Man taking 7-8 year old daughter into women's changing room

(277 Posts)
bythere Wed 18-Nov-20 23:47:19

I was reading a reddit thread from the other month about a man at a martial arts studio taking his around 7-8 year old daughter into the women's locker room despite being told several times not to due to making women and girls uncomfortable. If anything, at that age she should be be fine in the woman's room by herself, although, he can maybe still take her into the men's room if necessary.

Has anyone ever had a man come into the women's locker room while you were there with a young daughter? Did you say or do anything if it happened?

OP’s posts: |
WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo Wed 18-Nov-20 23:50:15

No.

But tbh our changing room is generously sized cubicles so a man with a child wouldn't bother me........they did away with the family changing room for some daft reason so I suppose it's happened at some point.

fallfallfall Wed 18-Nov-20 23:53:28

Most facilities where I am have a variety of change room types. I change in a large female change room with both benches and lockers as well as individual cubicles. There are similar men’s AND then family change rooms which are about 6x6 rooms that include a toilet and sink suitable for mixed sex parent and children or adult and carers.
So not seen any at my swimming pool.

GlummyMcGlummerson Thu 19-Nov-20 00:28:52

A man came into the ladies toilet with his little girl in Pizza Express once. I did challenge him, I said this is the ladies. "Yeah I'm with my daughter". I said then you need to go into the men's. TBF, he did, albeit begrudgingly.

Let's face it - the consideration of women doesn't even enter into most people's heads. We are props, we have no agency, and they can walk all over us sad

Nina9406 Thu 19-Nov-20 00:34:55

@GlummyMcGlummerson so you sent a little girl to a grimy filthy place like a men's toilet so you wouldn't be uncomfortable, but who gives a f* about the little girls comfort huh?

SorryAuntLydia Thu 19-Nov-20 00:44:45

I challenged a man at the swimming pool who came in because his teenage daughter was taking too long hmm. It’s one of those open plan with a few cubicles design and I was luckily wrapped in a towel. It’s just the entitlement and lack of awareness that really bothered me. I complained to the centre too.

@Nina9406 if men took their daughters to the loo more often maybe they’d stop pissing on everything. It is totally unacceptable for a man to use the women’s toilets and decent men know this. Which means any man you do encounter in the women’s facilities is by definition not to be trusted.

Nina9406 Thu 19-Nov-20 00:49:30

@SorryAuntLydia I think if the pp politely asked him to wait outside and said she'll keep an eye on the girl it would be fine. At least that's what I've done numerous times. Most dads don't want to be in that situation either.

KrisKringlesLeftNostril Thu 19-Nov-20 00:54:57

My local sports centre has male and female changing, and "family" changing with more privacy and larger cubicles.

I have never experienced a man bringing his daughter into a female changing room or toilet.

NameChange2PostThis Thu 19-Nov-20 00:56:40

Nina9406

*@SorryAuntLydia* I think if the pp politely asked him to wait outside and said she'll keep an eye on the girl it would be fine. At least that's what I've done numerous times. Most dads don't want to be in that situation either.

Agreed. I think we are generally happy to help and keep girls safe. And one way we do that is by rigorously keeping men out.

Any man who thinks he has the right to barge into the women’s loos because he donated an X chromosome to his offspring needs to be swiftly disabused of this idea.

GlummyMcGlummerson Thu 19-Nov-20 01:33:40

Nina9406

*@GlummyMcGlummerson* so you sent a little girl to a grimy filthy place like a men's toilet so you wouldn't be uncomfortable, but who gives a f* about the little girls comfort huh?


Lol. Question for you - should little boys with their dads also come to the ladies and avoid the "grimy" and "filthy" gents toilet? Or are girls just delicate little things who must be shielded from the sight of a urinal?

GlummyMcGlummerson Thu 19-Nov-20 01:35:17

Nina9406

*@SorryAuntLydia* I think if the pp politely asked him to wait outside and said she'll keep an eye on the girl it would be fine. At least that's what I've done numerous times. Most dads don't want to be in that situation either.


Oh sooooo sorry I wasn't all ladylike and doing womanly things like childcare. So sorry I must have spoken to A Man in a non-ladylike, simpering way. Naughty me.

Why must we be polite to people who don't take a second to consider us?

GlummyMcGlummerson Thu 19-Nov-20 01:37:55

@Nina9406 so when exH has my DD should he be taking her into the ladies or the gents? What if (younger) DS is with them too? What's the solution?

GlummyMcGlummerson Thu 19-Nov-20 01:39:07

Oh and if you can't see the sexism behind "men are too disgusting to keep their own facilities clean so they can just use the ladies if they want to take their child into a nice toilet" then I can't help you.

Nina9406 Thu 19-Nov-20 01:48:07

@GlummyMcGlummerson geez glummy you're getting all heated for no reason. I get being upset with men, I think we all are one way or another. But you're acting like you're always ready to pick a fight and I don't see how's that viable. Little boys with their dads can go to the gents with a tonne of antibac wipes and disposable seat covers. They have seen a urinal and the men we are talking about wouldn't care about a little boy. But boys with their mums can come to the ladies toilet. (imo always)

And it's not about childcare. You raging about men not caring about us but I don't see you caring about other women (or little girls) either.

I just think we need to bring the "it takes a village" mentality back and care for the ones that need it.

And it might be sexist but hell, it's true

Nina9406 Thu 19-Nov-20 01:56:16

GlummyMcGlummerson

*@Nina9406* so when exH has my DD should he be taking her into the ladies or the gents? What if (younger) DS is with them too? What's the solution?

You tell me. Would you prefer your dd to go to the gents and be around the men™ we are talking about or your ex to bring them to the ladies and risk facing someone like you?

GlummyMcGlummerson Thu 19-Nov-20 01:57:40

Little boys with their dads can go to the gents with a tonne of antibac wipes and disposable seat covers. They have seen a urinal and the men we are talking about wouldn't care about a little boy. But boys with their mums can come to the ladies toilet. (imo always)

But girls with their dads have to come in the ladies? Why? Why can't little girls see urinals?

You raging about men not caring about us but I don't see you caring about other women (or little girls) either.

How is expecting a girl to be accompanied by her dad into the gents "not caring"? I'd better tell DD that she should have been scared and offended by urinals all along

You are obviously the one with a very low opinion of men if you think they can't be trusted to be around little girls.

I just think we need to bring the "it takes a village" mentality back and care for the ones that need it.

And it might be sexist but hell, it's true

This phrase doesn't just apply to women, so it's not actually sexist

I'd love for you to answer my question on which toilets exH should use when he has both my DD and DS in tow.

GlummyMcGlummerson Thu 19-Nov-20 02:00:47

Would you prefer your dd to go to the gents and be around the men™ we are talking about or your ex to bring them to the ladies and risk facing someone like you?

I'd rather he took her to the men's, because he's a man and the rule is that you go to the toilet of the sex of the adult you're with.

If he took her into the ladies he'd be showing her he can just barge into a safe space meant for women as he pleases, that's not the kind of lesson I want her to be taught.

He's take her to the men's since she was a baby - what do you think actually happens to little girls who go into the men's with their dads?

Another question @Nina9406 - what about changing rooms for swimming? Should men be able to go into the women's with their daughters?

GlummyMcGlummerson Thu 19-Nov-20 02:01:24

Ah bold fail

Ploughingthrough Thu 19-Nov-20 02:08:26

I've never seen this but there is no way my DH would go in the ladies bathroom with our just turned 8 yo DD. When she was very little she'd go in with him to the mens if it was just the two of them, but at 7-8 a girl is perfectly capable of going to the toilet alone.

Nina9406 Thu 19-Nov-20 02:08:34

You're really just blowing off steam here. I said what I said 🤷‍♀️

Usually you can find family changing rooms. If not, you ask a member of the team to go to the changing room, ask if there are any women, if not let the dad go in and wait by the door. If a woman comes the team member would let her know that there's a man inside and she'd choose if she's going in or not.
But let's flip it here. Most facilities like this have posters that say "cleaned by members of both sexes". If a team member came in for a problem (somebody asked for help for example) what would you do?or you would expect the person in need to wait for a female member to come in?

Nina9406 Thu 19-Nov-20 02:13:30

One more question. When your dc were babies, if the gents didn't have a changing table, what would you expect you ex to do?

GlummyMcGlummerson Thu 19-Nov-20 02:21:19

Usually you can find family changing rooms. If not, you ask a member of the team to go to the changing room, ask if there are any women, if not let the dad go in and wait by the door. If a woman comes the team member would let her know that there's a man inside and she'd choose if she's going in or not.

Hang on - So men should have a right to go into women's changing rooms and women are the ones who have to make the decision wether or not to go in with a man there? And presumably lump it if they don't like it? And a staff member on hand to manage this? Whaaaat! You can't be serious?

So can women take little boys into the men's?

But let's flip it here. Most facilities like this have posters that say "cleaned by members of both sexes". If a team member came in for a problem (somebody asked for help for example) what would you do?or you would expect the person in need to wait for a female member to come in?

Facilitates need to be cleaned. If someone has been hurt, a staff member needs to come in. Dads with little girls do not need to be there - there is a perfectly acceptable facility in the gents to take their child into

When your dc were babies, if the gents didn't have a changing table, what would you expect you ex to do?

Find a toilet that did. Or use the baby mat on the floor. He certainly wouldn't go into the ladies!

Are you going to answer my questions about why girls can't go into men's toilets/changing rooms with their dads, and what a man should do if he has children of both sexes with him?

GlummyMcGlummerson Thu 19-Nov-20 02:24:22

Oh and in your scenario where a staff member goes into the changing rooms and says "A man is about to enter" what if the women say "no I am not comfortable with that", like I would. Is it tough shit?

Seriously - why are little girls so very delicate that the ONLY solution to protect them from the murky depths of men's facilities (which remember little boys can handle) is for men to in turn barge their way into women's facilities? Why are women always collateral damage

notafanoftheman Thu 19-Nov-20 08:09:46

I do not want my four-year-old daughter to go into the men’s with her dad and see men pissing in urinals thank you very much.

TheKrakening3 Thu 19-Nov-20 08:15:23

notafanoftheman

I do not want my four-year-old daughter to go into the men’s with her dad and see men pissing in urinals thank you very much.

Seriously? My DDs always went into the mens when with DH, until they were old enough to manage the ladies alone. They would hardly see anything and if they did, so what? Does your partner never take out your daughter alone or does he barge into the ladies with her.

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